to think that identical twin children should not be dressed the same?

[nutdust]

so, declaring my interest, i have identical twins and absolutely never dress them the same, for lots of reasons but mainly to help others identify who is who & to foster their individuality.
i'm not, & have never been in two minds about this decision, so the reason i'm posting is because i'm really curious to find out what others think when they see identical twins dressed exactly the same, because it makes me immediately want to tap the parents on the shoulder & ask them why on earth they are doing this, i.e. further emphasising their sameness & making them look like a cutesy side-show. there are long-term studies that evidence the unhelpful impact this has on the twin children. that trouble is, the twin parent community is a very polite one & there is never an opportunity to just ask; 'so why the hell do you dress your kids to look exactly the same?!'
so, what do you think? does it not even register or do you feel agrieved on behalf of the twins?

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

Hi Bonkers
Not nosey, I'm happy to answer genuine curiosity.

It doesn't seem to be something that has ever affected us, plenty of people guess wrong, we have just turned it into a game.
As I said, there are slight differences, a few more now as they have gotten older, one has a slightly rounder face, but there is honestly not much between them.

We were always worried the boys might get upset if people couldn't tell them apart, especially when they started dressing the same, and along with the fact they had such severe speech problems they struggled to say their own names and their twins name. So we turned it into a game, let's see if people can guess, then we can laugh at them when they get it wrong (all done in jest obviously)
Dad and I would pretend to get the wrong one, and turn it into a game that way, or just call them some random other name, like Bob or Percy. It would make them laugh and so they think it's fun when people have to ask, or get it wrong.

They are very laid back little boys, not much fazes them, if someone gets it wrong, they laugh it off.

They are in seperate classes at school now (at our request) but join eachother for math. Twin A goes into Twin Bs classroom and is taught by Twin As teacher, and she has to think for a second where she has placed twin B... So far they have never switched seats while she is not looking, but she joked with us on parents evening she wouldn't be able to tell if they had, she is a nice, good humoured sort, so I'm tempted to test this theory and get them to switch on the last day of the year, but I don't want them to think they can do that all the time, so I'm hesitant to do it now iyswIm?

The only time it bothers me that people can't tell them apart, is when it is their own Aunty (she is seriously the ONLY member of the [in laws] family that can't) She doesn't even try.
I have a friend who lives an 8 hour drive away, so we only see him once or twice a year, and even he can get it right most times, but she has never gotten it right in 8 years...

I have always encouraged them to be individual, but I've also encouraged them to be happy within themselves, and sometimes they are happier, when they are dressed the same, it's a comfort thing.
They are not the most confident of boys due to the speech delay etc.
They are also sooo close it's unreal. They rarely argue, I think in 8 years I can count on one hand the disagreements... even as toddlers. They do everything together, again, not something I have encouraged. I have tried to get them to do different things, they won't have any of it. But if they are happy, then that's all that matters to me, that's all any of us really want isn't it?

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

MrsWolowitz
My DTSs are the same, no one can tell them apart even in different outfits.

[Degustibusnonestdisputandem]

My almost 3 year old DTDs are often dressed the same, but that s usually because they both want to wear the same thing and lazy me chooses to pick my battles!

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

Oh and the one time I did try to dress them differently at the request of the nursery, it led to the biggest tantrum I'd ever seen. My normally placid boys went crazy. The one who was already dress just sobbed, but the one I'd dressed second upon putting on his different t-shirt, he kicked me, tried to bite me, hit me, tore at his clothes, screamed and was completely and utterly distraught. I changed him into the exact outfit his twin was wearing, meltdown stopped as if it had never happened.

Choose to believe this or not, but that was the ONLY tantrum I ever had from either boy, hard to believe I know, but true my DD more than makes up for it though

[TheSarcasticFringehead]

I think it's different with twins to older siblings with a small age gap. Twins will be pushed together a lot more and seen as less individual (more than single siblings with a small age gap).

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

MrsWolowitz
I LOVE having twins, it was a bit of a shock seeing that scan, but honestly it is wonderful!
They are so easy going too, very laid back which made dealing with 2 soo much easier, they were easier to cope with than my one DD is now! lol
Plus I have 3 children, but only 2 pregnancies/labours etc! Wonderful advantage haha

[parallax80]

The parents of identical (non-identical same sex twins) that I know put nail varnish on one of the babies' nails. Not sure if that's commonly done or not thought.

[Kerryp]

Me personally, I would prob dress them the same but give them different hairstyles.

[parallax80]

Sorry that was incoherent - the parents I know have identical twins, but it would presumably also work for non-identical same sex twins. (Or different sex twins, for that matter).

[LST]

I can't wait until my boys are in near enough the same size so I can dress them in the same clothes

Each to their own and all that.

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

Parallax80


I don't claim to know anything abt the developmental issues / non issues but I don't think I'd ever be organised enough with washing etc to pull this off. As soon as one puked or pooed or got wet / muddy and needed to be changed I'd be out of sync and wld prob never catch up. (I guess I cld chance the other one too but too lazy).

although the even lazier part of me wonders if you could just buy eg 10 identical outfits and then they wld always be wearing the same by default?


It can be a total PITA,
If one of mine needed changing, the other would deliberately make himself dirty enough that I needed to change him too!

And in regards to the dressing by default after buying 10 identical outfits.. No, when my boys decide to dress differently they just choose a different tshirt... same as any other child.

Their wardrobe is separated in regards to thirts, they have tshirts that don't match, ie there is no pair to it,
and ones that there are two of. So they are easy to see when they do want to dress the same, they don't have to go rifling through.


You can often hear them in the morning "I'm going to wear this one today, are you?"
To which the answer is either "not today, I'm going to wear x instead"
Or "Oooh yes, good idea, I will too!"

[Retropear]

Sorry I don't think identical twins or any twins are special they're just siblings.I have twins and a singleton,the twins are no closer to each other than dd.

I'd hate my twins to have a "special bond",it's creepy.

[dancestomyowntune]

At our dance school there were twins who were seniors. When the teacher became pregnant with twin boys they had lots of stories and ideas. One was to keep hospital wrist bands on for longer than normal. Their mother had painted the toe nails of one to help tell them apart.

If I had twins I probably would dress them similarly or the same but different colours. I have boys 13 months apart and we tend to dress one in blue and one in red. They are completely different, but often like to look similar.

I also have girls 6 years apart and they have several similar outfits or identical tops. They like it. I don't mind!

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Well, they look adorable dressed the same don't they?
And I imagine it might be easier to just choose one outfit as it were.
But each to their own.

[DeWee]

Maybe they want to be?

My girls are now are 13 and 10yo, but up to a couple of years ago they sometimes would wake up and decide they would wear the same.

Also I spoke once to a parent of identical twins, who said she swore she would never dress them the same when she first had them. Once they were a bit bigger she found that the problem was that they suited the same clothes, and so they tended to have the same clothes.

[Florin]

I am a twin and also have a little boy randomly my twin also had a little boy 2 weeks younger than mine (definitely not planned was quite funny when we came together to tell each other we were pregnant!) Anyway whenever I see baby twins dressed the same I have to really hold it in not to tell the parents not to. It is so hard for twins to forge their own independence and to establish themselves as their own people. Please please don't do it. If they choose to at some point them fine. My sister and I did it every so often but still my parents then encouraged us to have same outfit but at least different colours.
The other thing which really gets to me is being referred to as "the twins" we are not twins we are Florin and twin sisters name. That drives me bonkers. Oh and please no one however much bigger present you think you will buy ever buy them a joint present and even more definitely not a joint card for any reason.

[annielouise]

I know I probably shouldn't but I think it looks cute. If I'd had twins they might have been dressed the same for other reasons than cute though - I had clear likes and dislikes with kids clothes so I would have found it hard to find enough different outfits for them, then you'd maybe have the fighting over who wants what. I wouldn't want to be constantly shopping as well to find all these different outfits so might have picked up identical stuff just to make it easier. I would have let them choose though (maybe out of a couple of outfits - a matching one or a non-matching one) so some days they might have been the same, others different. Or I might have picked up sets of two with different colours but basically the same.

I just think to consciously make the decision to never dress them the same sounds like harder work and more time consuming. A bit of both is fine.

[parallax80]

2boys that does sound like a PITA. You must have a lot of patience! (Or teach them very early how to do their own laundry )

[Retropear]

Really I find it offensive when people say twins are more special than any other child or infer that they have a bigger bond than any other sibling.

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

I could tell the difference between my newborns, as there was an 11lb difference at birth, but as they got bigger and the smaller one caught up weight wise to the other it became harder. They have a couple of distinguishing features each though.

I do sometimes look at old photos and have to really look to see which is which.

At about 4 weeks old, we took them to be weighed, and they were the exact same weight, and continued to be so up til now. They have never been 2 different weights at the point on weighing..
Always same size clothes, shoes etc.

They had speech therapy for a while, and the therapist was always stunned at the fact the gave the exact same answers to her questions, despite not having seen eachother (I'd pick one up from school, take him to session, take him back and pick up the other) Every week they did this, with the exact same answers, word for word. They'd also always choose the same stickers! Never failed to amaze