to think that identical twin children should not be dressed the same?

[nutdust]

so, declaring my interest, i have identical twins and absolutely never dress them the same, for lots of reasons but mainly to help others identify who is who & to foster their individuality.
i'm not, & have never been in two minds about this decision, so the reason i'm posting is because i'm really curious to find out what others think when they see identical twins dressed exactly the same, because it makes me immediately want to tap the parents on the shoulder & ask them why on earth they are doing this, i.e. further emphasising their sameness & making them look like a cutesy side-show. there are long-term studies that evidence the unhelpful impact this has on the twin children. that trouble is, the twin parent community is a very polite one & there is never an opportunity to just ask; 'so why the hell do you dress your kids to look exactly the same?!'
so, what do you think? does it not even register or do you feel agrieved on behalf of the twins?

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

My two are 16 months apart. Very often they want to buy/wear the same clothes. Should I take that choice away from them then?

This describes my two boys, they are 21 months apart but choose the same outfits even though they are like chalk and cheese in other respects!

I taught one of a set of identical quads years ago, all four of them had the same haircut and the same frames for their glasses, as well as the same school uniform obviously, so I had no idea which one I was talking to!

[littlepeas]

My friend has identical twin boys - if they are in school uniform it is easy as one wears a blue polo (his initial is B too, so easy to remember) and the other white, but otherwise I struggle.

My ds can tell them apart easily! There were 2 sets of identical twins in my sister's year at school and 1 in mine and never any trouble telling them apart! I think children have an ability to do this that gets lost when they become adults!

I have 2 boys (not twins) and try very hard not to dress them the same/similarly at the same time. It's not something I like. They are quite different, with different interests, and this is reflected in their choice if clothes (ds1 loves t shirts with animals on, ds2 favours fire engines - I could buy them the same stuff, but I doubt they'd wear it!).

[spiderlight]

My friend had identical twins. She was adamant that she would never dress them the same. As soon as they were old enough to have an opinion, they were equally adamant that they wanted to be dressed exactly the same, all the time. She was also adamant that when referring to them collectively, they were to be called 'the girls', never, ever, ever 'the twins'. They were equally adamant that they were 'the twins'! They loved the attention they got for being identical, they loved their identity as twins (and still do), they loved pretending to be each other and it wasn't until fairly late in junior school that they started to countenance dressing differently. So, in a nutshell, however strong your views about dressing them differently, be prepared for your twins to have other ideas!!

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

Florin

That drives me mad 'the twins'
As you say, they are name 1 and name 2.
Mine are often referred to as 'the boys' but even parents of single babies do that, so I'm not bothered by that. Although it's now more 'the kids' as I have a girl now too.

There is one mum at the school who refers to them as 'twinnies' despite being asked not to. They won't answer to it!

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

If they're your dcs then of course you should dress them how you see fit.
And I'm sure they're all adorable.
But of course identical twins are special. They share the me DNA! That's special.

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

MrsWolowitz
I've always done 2 'smaller' presents. So they can both give something, and the birthday boy/girl gets the same amount of presents as guests. I set a budget of x amount for each gift. If I can't find anything decent for x amount, let alone 2 things, the birthday boy/girl will get one gift from both of them but cost more.
i.e the last party they went to I got some good garden toys on sale, so birthday boy got a gift from each child. But the one before that I couldn't fine 2 things so bought 1 gift that would have cost the same as two would have, I hope that makes sense.

Birthday child always gets the same amount of money spent basically. But 99% of the time, 2 gifts

[Kerryp]

MrsWolowitz I don't have twins but I do have 2 kids and if they both invited I just get one present and one card from the 2 of them.

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

I'm not sure of etiquette either.

I was pleasantly surprised when people sent there child in with 2 gifts to the boys party so they didn't have to share, as I didn't expect it, I'd have been happy with gifts to share, as I realised it could get pricey. I felt a little better when the majority of parents admitted they were sale bargains, or it was nice cheap bits like colouring books etc, which went down really well.

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

Their* not There

[Kerryp]

Oh sorry I thought you meant presents from twins not for twins. Yes I would get 2.

[crazykat]

Not twins but my friend would only ever dress her three girls the same when they were little. Used to drive me nuts but I'm not sure why.

I felt sorry for the girls, especially the oldest as she was starting to develop her own personality but was only allowed to be dressed the same as her younger sisters. If they wanted to dress the same that's different but having no choice and always dressing the same made it look like some weird uniform.

That said my DDs (6 and 3) have a couple of dresses and tops that are the same but only because they asked for the same clothes and its rare that they decide to wear them at the same time.

[2boys1girlNoPeace]

spiderlight
My boys also LOVE the attention that comes with being a twin.
I hope it lasts

[SpringHeeledJack]

id and identically dressed twins at primary school had to put up with being called 'twinneh' for seven years

largely because of this I made sure I always dressed my twins in Equivalent But Not The Same

this presents its own problems- sometimes (actually nearly always) it's quite hard to find EBNS- specially if all not keen on PINK

...further complicated by one DD wanting to be different in everything, and other wanting to be exactly the same

[Slongette]

Florin my twin sister and I were exactly the same.... I sometimes joke that dressing twins the same is a bit like child abuse (please note everyone I said JOKE).

I often felt that I had no identity of my own, we were and always will be 'The Twins'. My sister has had twins and they are known as the boys and have never been dressed the same.

[whydoIhavetodoeverything]

I have non identical twin babies. Before I had them, my view was that the whole twin world (special bond, telepathic etc) WAS a bit creepy. I never call them 'the twins' (they are the babies) and am keen to treat them as two seperate individuals. As they are still babies, I largely dress them in non matching clothes which are handmedowns, but have put them in matching clothes once or twice, if I can't do it now, when can I! In terms of telling them apart, they have similar features (same colour hair, eyes etc) but I think look very different - although Dh, Dm and nursery sometimes mix them up. Looking back at baby scans and photos from the first few weeks after birth, I can't tell who the hell is who, so when they are older I'll have to say 'that might be you'!

[neversleepagain]

I have non identical twin girls and dress them differently the vast majority of the time. They have about 3 or 4 matching outfits like dungarees, pinafores etc. I put different colour shirts on underneath.

I buy them the same style shoes in different colours. Same with coats, hats etc.

I always dress them in the same style of outfits, both in leggings, dresses, jeans on the same day. Makes life easier.

People always buy matching clothes and gifts for them though.

I really couldn't care how people choose to dress their twins and would be miffed if a busy body commented on how I chose to dress my children.

[whydoIhavetodoeverything]

present etiquette at my dcs school - twins going to a party take 1 present (so that the twins' parent only has to buy one), kids going to a twins' party take a present for each twin or one to share (if their DC is friends with both twins, if say b/g twins, girl invitees would buy present for girl twin, boys for boy twin), complicated!!!!

[whydoIhavetodoeverything]

Agreed, I dress them in same style of clothes too, both dresses, or both trousers etc or get the inevitable 'ah, ones a boy (the one in trousers) and ones a girl (the one in the dress) from old biddies in Tesco. Although get 'ahhh, twin boys' when they are both in top to tail pink.

[DizzyKipper]

Whilst it's not something I'd make a big issue of or try to put anyone on the defensive over, I do agree that I just wonder why parents of identical twins seem to have this need to dress them the same. Were I to ever have identical twins I'd have no intention whatsoever of dressing them up in the same clothes - they're individuals! That said, if it's the children themselves choosing the clothes then it's not really an issue, I just don't get why parents do.

[FatherSpodoKomodo]

I have twin boys. I've never dressed them the same. Well, until they went to school/beavers etc where they had to wear the same uniform. I would have been a dismal failure at keeping them in the same outfit, I'm just not that organised. Plus I have 2 older boys so they had loads of hand-me-downs.

At school one wears a blue polo shirt and one a white one so their teachers know who is who. It won't be so easy once they are in secondary but they'll probably be in different classes so it won't matter so much.

They have completely different styles anyway, so it's easy to tell them apart on non-uniform day.

They also hate being called "the twins" As one of them said to me "We have names you know"

[TryingToBePractical]

I have twins. Always send 2 presents to parties as I think it unfair to expect people to buy them a present each and not reciprocate. I also mentally compare what would happen if they were different ages/ in different classes - in that case they would each take a present to every party they go to and would presumably go to an equivalent number of parties each, eg assuming a class of 25 other children and all whole class parties, if in same class there are 25 parties in total to which both are invited so 50 presents if they bring one each. If in different classes, there would be 25 parties each so 50 parties and 50 presents. so fair.

Every year I also have the debate with the class rep on contribution to teacher's collection. I always insist on giving per child, so if collection is £5 each I will give £10. Some class reps kindly insist I just give £5 for the family, but I do not feel comfortable with that - if they were in separate classes I would give twice.

So generally if I am unsure that is my thought process.

Have never dressed them the same, but they have very different colouring. Sometimes wear same style different colour. A few people bought matching outfits when they were younger and I was happy to use them, but one was a puker so they did not stay matching for long.
They are same height and weight so will lend clothes to each other and are delighted they have double the amount of clothes to choose from.

[WooWooOwl]

If twins are old enough to choose whether they'd like to be the same or not, then their wishes should be adhered to, but before that I think it's entirely up to the parents.

I can't really see how it matters so much. I've seen parents dress babies and toddlers in some horribly uncomfortable impractical looking clothing in the name of cuteness, I think that's far worse.