to admit my life is crap?

[venturingforth]

I have a crap job, which pays so crappily I can only afford to live by doing a ridiculous amount of hours, which means I have no spare time to do anything I enjoy couldn't afford to anyway

Because of my crap job I never get to see friends, meeting a partner is out of the question, any sort of social life falls flat on it's face as my shifts change constantly.

Because my crap job has crap pay I live in a crap area, I eat crap because I rarely have time to cook, I look crap because I have to wear a horrible uniform, and I feel crap because I am exhausted ALL of the time.

No one will convince me my life isn't CRAP.

AIBU ?

Foster caring does not mean that you can't have children. But either way, your current job needs to go. What about entering college or uni? And working nights? Do you have debt?

Too soon for fertility panic. Honestly.

Do you feel as though you have a workable plan but you are temporarily being thwarted?

Or is it more fundamental and long term than that?

Either way, prioritise things that will help you maintain stamina. Don't overlook small things like cheap vitamin tablets/ fruit, short bursts of fresh air. You have to look after yourself if there is no-one there to nag you

It could be worse, your job could be McCrap.

Yes, I do realise that, but fostering children when I am single, unstable and between jobs is unwise when I hope in a few years to be in a committed relationship, and having a baby of my own.

I have been to university, I am, I hope temporarily in this position. If I'm not - well, as I said, I really don't know what I'd do,

Another thing that I did might work if you are in or could get to London and can touch type and that is typing for firms on the evening shift. There are agencies who supply law firms etc. in the city with evening typists. It's pretty monotonous work and you do have to concentrate but the pay is fine (a lot more than you're getting for your current evening shift) and it's stress-free as long as you're accurate.

Sorry if my suggestions don't fit and I hope that things improve for you very soon - it's horrible feeling like you're stuck on a treadmill but just try to remember that your job does not define you; you are still you, whatever situation you are in.

I think the 'on trial' comment was to me but i dont know why!

Stop, because it felt as if I was being cross examined by a lawyer.

I realise I am probably very sensitive just now, but it did feel like I was on trial.

I am nowhere near London unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately as housing costs would mean I was sleeping on the streets!

Apologies! I didnt mean it like that at all, i was just trying to be clear on whether the friends/ social life was something you wanted to fix or not.

Ah okay, sorry

I do see friends. But it's hard, as I have to find an evening I'm not working and they are free and most are coupled up anyway. But I can see them. The main issue though is that I can do a 14 hour day pretty much in isolation, and that's tough.

venturing nobody is saying 'why haven't you done this or that??'. Just trying to help you out of a hole!

If the situation is really getting you down do you think a trip to your GP might be in order? I had two weeks signed off with stress last December and it helped so much just to have some headspace, however brief.

Are you trying to pay off debt or just working to live? If you're just working to live you could look for something like a mother's help job abroad and go and do something different for a while until you can use your qualification.

Can you tell us where you currently work ? We might be able to suggest alternatives for your skill set ?

Yes that is tough going.

What about your diet? Could you plan ahead/meal plan and make healthier stuff and freeze it?

Uniform there is no way round really

The main issue though is that I can do a 14 hour day pretty much in isolation, and that's tough

That's what you need to change then even if it is temporarily
Do you think you can change it ? Or do you just need tips to endure it? Eg walking in the sunshine in your lunch break
Listening to feel good music
Putting the radio on so you don't feel so alone

It's ok :) I have looked but I'm lacking in experience everywhere but my trained field.

Working to live but I can't really travel abroad. Plus if I'm honest I don't really WANT to - but I wouldn't really be able to either.

I know no ones being horrible, it was one comment I misinterpreted and the poster and I have sorted that :)

venturing I worked in the UK when I worked seasonally, if you're not sure on the type of work purely for it being 'uncommon' here? It is a very good way to save money as long as you don't spend it.

Is there any way you could rent a room for a while to cut costs? Down here it's the only way to live on a limited income.

What can you change now? Could you do a massive batch meal on a day off that can be thrown in the freezer for future use? We find that helps a lot, you build it up over time and you end up with a good variety in there.

Oh good CharlesRyder - do pick it up and at least read the first two chapters. You'll soon know if it appeals. Plus the man on the cd that comes with it has a lovely warm, calm, kind and soothing speaking voice

Sorry to hear this OP. It does sound crap. But it's not your life that's crap- it'd just you're temporary situation. Everyone has crap times.

I had a similar period of crapness a few years ago. I was really REALLY unhappy in my job and it was supposed to be my dream job so I didn't have a clue what to do if not that. Seemed like I was stuck because that life was what I had wanted and I hadn't ever considered any other options.

I guess I did a few things which were positive and proactive. I set some health goals- I had a few pounds to lose so I decided to cycle to work every day and eat better. That cheered me up no end. I quit my job and got work in a pub for 6 months. I was skint (living in London in minimum wage is hard but not impossible). That was one of the best moves I made. Pub work is so much fun and physically exhausting (in a good way). It gave me chance to stop focusing on careers and the future and just live in the moment a little. I moved in with some strangers I found on Gumtree to save money- they became friends. Lived in the pub for a bit too so worked really long hours, socialised a lot, didn't sleep much (caught up on my one day off a week!). I had been living alone but found myself much happier when I had some people to pass the time with at work and at home.

I think I tried to enjoy myself a bit more and force myself be more spontaneous and sociable.

I don't know if any of these things are options or sound appealing at all but you will be fine and you will either fine a way to bear the next few months or maybe you'll find a way to make them much better. You might feel more positive if you just set some goals and give yourself some deadlines?

I wish you all the best.

The shifts you describe make it sound like you work in catering. When I worked those hours in catering jobs I had a great life. Obviously there's no time or opportunity to meet new people because you're always working when normal people are socialising, and socialising when normal people are sleeping - so you just be friends with other people in your sector. I was only really friends with other catering people when I was a waitress. Come to think of it my three longest standing best friends are all people I know from catering circles: a waitress, a chef and a barman.

WRT having fun, do you not get discounted staff drinks? If not, move to a different restaurant/bar and drink loads.

I don't work in catering so no, I don't get discounted drinks!

OP you don't seem to want advice. People are asking questions which would help them advise you better but you're just ignoring them all and replying in a vague fashion....you don't sound like you want change at all!

Of course I want change, but it isn't going to come from Mumsnet, with the best will in the world :)

But I do think I'm allowed to vent. I did say 'AIBU to think my life is crap', not 'aibu to ask you all how to make my life better'? I mean that nicely ... it's helped (me) to talk and get some sympathy, which isn't such a bad thing, or is it?

People give advice sometimes because it makes THEM feel better.

It is terribly lonely and depressing working and living like this, I really get where the OP is coming from. Even if you 'know' intellectually that eventually things will improve, the reality is that your situation right NOW absolutely stinks and it is hard to imagine a time when it won't stink.

Feel free to tell me to MMOB, but you are working a LOT of hours, so even at NMW, it is bringing in moderately good money for a single person to live on. If you are desperately trying to clear debts, etc, have you thought about contacting your creditors, explaining your situation and asking for a bit of breathing space?

Is the crap job really the only possible option? Are there any recruitment agencies locally who might be able to find you something a bit better paid?

FWIW OP I was stuck in a comparable situation once - circular and skint and gloomy, despite good quals and experience. I did get out of it but it took patience and determination. I do understand the frustration but it is worth hanging on. That's probably the most cheerful thing any of us can say without specifics

People give advice sometimes because it makes THEM feel better

Being patronising is not going to help.

Of course I want change, but it isn't going to come from Mumsnet

Really then, post on nethuns. Mumsnet is going to swing into action to deliver you a new life. If you don't want that, don't choose the Mothers' Front Mumsnet. Shared helplessness isn't really an option here.