Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to admit my life is crap?

108 replies

venturingforth · 25/06/2014 20:09

I have a crap job, which pays so crappily I can only afford to live by doing a ridiculous amount of hours, which means I have no spare time to do anything I enjoy couldn't afford to anyway

Because of my crap job I never get to see friends, meeting a partner is out of the question, any sort of social life falls flat on it's face as my shifts change constantly.

Because my crap job has crap pay I live in a crap area, I eat crap because I rarely have time to cook, I look crap because I have to wear a horrible uniform, and I feel crap because I am exhausted ALL of the time.

No one will convince me my life isn't CRAP.

AIBU ? Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
venturingforth · 25/06/2014 20:38

"Go for a run"

Grin

Seriously, I know on screen it probably looks like nothing - six months?

But just now, I don't know for certain that it will be six months, or twelve, eighteen. It could be forever, if it was forever, I don't know what I would do to be honest.

The exercise/eating thing is a small thing really, for me it is more dealing with loneliness and isolation and general unhappiness. I can't really explain much more, just that I've had to do a lot of fast adapting.

OP posts:
JugglingFromHereToThere · 25/06/2014 20:39

Blimey 14 hour days 6 days a week sounds gruelling.

I really hope you can find a way forwards and discover other options that work better for you, even if it takes a little while to work towards that.

Beastofburden · 25/06/2014 20:39

Cross posted with you.

OK, so you are haunted by being stuck with this. I'm not surprised, but the thing is to have a Plan B. Realistically, it won't be the rest of your life. It might be five years rather than six months if you are really really unlucky, but very few life situations are unchanging over more than five years.

Valdeeves · 25/06/2014 20:39

Why six more months?

FantasticButtocks · 25/06/2014 20:40

If the situation has to stay the same for six months or a year, then the only thing you can do is change your thoughts about it. The more you tell yourself how crap everything is the more your brain looks for the crap in daily life…and finds so much more of it!

Suggestion 1: Take up mindfulness meditation by getting yourself this book. Don't say 'Oh I haven't got time for all that', it honestly ends up making more time as you spend less time thinking unhelpful thoughts which spiral down into indecision and apathy.

Suggestion 2: an appreciation/gratitude diary. You get a little notebook and keep it beside your bed. Every night write just 3 things you appreciated or were grateful for during that day. It could be a lovely smell of coffee, someone smiling at you in the street, the sun coming out, a phone call from someone, ANYTHING. Doing this daily trains your brain to look for the good stuff in the details of everyday life. You see something that makes you smile or feel glad, and you think oh yes I'll put that in the diary tonight - you get the picture. You start to build up a nice bank of things that you are glad of and it frees up part of your mind which can lead to ideas…and creativity, and feeling better.

Before you know it, time will be up and you'll be able to make those changes you want to make Smile

Fideliney · 25/06/2014 20:40

I'm not on trial at the stand, you know.

Sorry. People fire questions to try to gather info to help.

Beastofburden · 25/06/2014 20:42

W keep cross posting! Not meaning to be flippant with these thoughts.

Loneliness and isolation- I can understand that you are exhausted, and can't enjoy seeing friends because it is so hard to talk about your life when theirs seems lovely.

Perhaps it would help if you can get some more clarity on whether it is six months or more. I know you can't tell us the details- but do you know how you can find out how long it is going to be?

Original poster
venturingforth · 25/06/2014 20:43

Sorry fideliney - I didn't mean your good self with that remark :)

I can't really go into the 6/12 month thing without identifying myself, but suffice to say it's an unpleasant situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
venturingforth · 25/06/2014 20:45

Don't worry Beast, I just had to Grin at the idea that running would make my life better!

Although I do wish I had more time to exercise.

I really can't go into it on here but I can pm you if you wish :)

OP posts:
CharlesRyder · 25/06/2014 20:45

Do you have kids?

Could you develop a hobby that would fit into the random hours you have off? Writing a book or developing a blog about an interest maybe? You can make money out of attracting ads to blogs I believe? Even if it's pence it might be rewarding?

Beastofburden · 25/06/2014 20:47

Do, venturing! I am an old hand at endurance as I have brought up two disabled DC. It's not the same thing at all, but some of the same skills can be useful. Truly, you can find a blend of endurance till the bastard stops, and little improvements to make each day OK in part, plus a medium term plan, that can keep you sane until life improves- which it always, eventually, does.

CharlesRyder · 25/06/2014 20:48

Fantastic I have that Mindfulness book sat next to me waiting to be read. You have spurred me on to pick it up!

Original poster
venturingforth · 25/06/2014 20:48

No, no children, another source of worry and sadness Sad

OP posts:
CharlesRyder · 25/06/2014 20:50

How about becoming a foster carer?

Fideliney · 25/06/2014 20:52

So your hands are currently tied by a stricture that will go away or ease?

How about working on a list and information gathering now for steps you can't yet take, but will be able to once whetever it is, is over? So that you have an action plan of options ready to go? Might be morale building?

Fideliney · 25/06/2014 20:53

I am going to have a wild guess that you are 30/31? You can just say therabouts, older or younger if you don't want to be specific.

Original poster
venturingforth · 25/06/2014 20:56

Thereabouts :)

I definitely couldn't be a foster carer with my hours and I wouldn't want to anyway.

OP posts:
Cruikshank · 25/06/2014 20:56

Have you thought about bar work? You could do that in the evenings instead of your third shift. It would also only be minimum wage but it is at least a fun thing to do - you're talking to people, everyone wants to know the bar staff, you have an instant social life not just with fellow bar staff but also with the regulars; hell, you even get free drinks - imagine - you get paid to get pissed! I have done it on top of office work in the past when the office work didn't pay very well and I loved it so much I'd do it now if I could. Your friends can come in and see you while you work - you can chat over the bar with them. If you're going to be working shit hours for minimum wage anyway you might as well do bar work because although it's shit hours for minimum wage it's also a proper good laugh.

CharlesRyder · 25/06/2014 20:58

No- I mean be a foster carer as a career- not as well as your current job. You get paid an allowance for the child and a stipend for you.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 25/06/2014 20:59

Do you live in Croydon? Wasn't that crappest area? Or are you really a wannabe? :)

Have felt like that. It will resolve but waiting is HARD!

CheeryName · 25/06/2014 21:02

YANBU
Sometimes life is just crap. I hope this crap phase goes quickly and am sure better days will come.

Original poster
venturingforth · 25/06/2014 21:03

No, not Croydon although if it is up the crappest area I should definitely move there!

I wouldn't be able to foster as a career, as I would want my own children one day and I hope to get things back on track, but right now is really, really crap.

OP posts:
JugglingFromHereToThere · 25/06/2014 21:03

Can I just say I love the warmth and good will on here, and the variety of suggestions. The way even though we don't know someone's situation everyone (I think?) is non-judgementally trying to offer suggestions to improve things.
You're all cheering me up anyway Smile
Hope something will help you too OP Thanks

PixieofCatan · 25/06/2014 21:04

YANBU. Can you take a live in job for a while? Break the cycle? It's how I got out of the crap little town I lived in, seasonal work, saved money, blew it all moving to a new city with DP and replacing a dead car Hmm But I lived out of a suitcase for four years, so it's not all great, but you can do short stints. It's min wage, but reduced rates on rent in shared houses usually and free meals, which brings down costs.

Or go to uni? That's how DP did it Grin Just finished year 3 of his degree, just a placement year and then the final year to go Hmm

I've been juggling two jobs and working six/seven days a week since September thanks to my job situation taking a shit turn (we live in shared housing too) and doing extra ad-hoc babysitting on top, I really feel your pain! I'm fucking shattered! Can't do anything outside of work. I'm very lucky as DP has taken over the housework and cooking and my pet rats keep me relatively sane. I've been biding my time and I drop one of my jobs at the end of the school year, I'm so looking forward to it. A few more weeks!

I'm really looking forward to exercising again strangely (climbing, I can't do the free stuff as it really damages my joints, whereas climbing only slightly does Wink).

CharlesRyder · 25/06/2014 21:05

Why does fostering mean you can't have your own kids? Confused

Fair enough though- it's not something to be entered into lightly.