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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to help out at play school

58 replies

Sparklypants · 24/06/2014 15:13

My DS has recently started at a play-school, which he loves and the nursery staff are great but.....I have been handed a piece of paper with my name and a date on it, in which they expect me to go in and stay to be a parent helper for that session.

There's a few reasons that this has irritated me, firstly, I haven't been crb checked and as I haven't been I'm certain that the other parents/step parents/grandparents haven't been. I'm not the sort to see peadophiles around every corner but they don't know who I am or who any of the other parent/carers are. This concerns me. I expected the people looking after DS would be qualified and crb checked.

Also, a bit more selfishly, I simply don't want to give up the only time I get to be by myself (a whopping 2 1/2 hrs). I'm a single sahm and this is honestly the only time I get for me (to clean the house without it being destroyed behind me!)

I'm annoyed that they didn't let me know that this is what they do at this particular play-school when he started, and also that they didn't even ask me if that date was ok with me. To be honest I can't see DS getting much out of the session that I'm present for. He will want to stay with me and play, like we do all the time at home. The whole point of sending to a play school was so he could socialise without me there, to become more reliant on himself and other adults.

Before I get flamed for not wanting to be involved in my DS school life, I fully expect, and want to help out on trips and such like, but I resent being TOLD I have to help and when.

Aibu???

OP posts:

grobagsforever · 24/06/2014 15:19

How is the pre-school funded?

LaurieFairyCake · 24/06/2014 15:20

If you're paying for it then I think it's ok to say you're not available.

If it's free then isn't it run by the parents as well?

JenniferJo · 24/06/2014 15:22

YAB a bit U. As long as the leaders are CRB checked helpers don't have to be as long as they aren't alone with the DCs.

They should give you a choice of dates but if all the other parents help out then you should take your turn as well. It's selfish not to. If everyone had the same attitude as you it would probably close.

Suck it up and help out with good grace.

RachelWatts · 24/06/2014 15:24

The preschool DS1 went to did this. However, it wasn't compulsory and parent helpers were not allowed to be alone with any child apart from their own. I got a telling off when a child followed me and DS1 into the toilet when I took him in for a wee.

Thumbwitch · 24/06/2014 15:25

YANBU to be pissed off that they've just doled you out a date without even checking if it's ok!

YAB a wee bit U to not want to help out, although I understand your reasons, but it looks like it's only once? So not that hard to juggle stuff around, so long as you have no appointments etc. booked for that day.

MangoBiscuit · 24/06/2014 15:27

I agree with LaurieFairyCake. We pay for our nursery place, and it's not cheap, but they still pestered for people to go in at the weekend to help out with DIY projects and gardening. Ticked me right off. At least they didn't tell me what time I was expected in!

Xihha · 24/06/2014 15:34

I can understand why you are annoyed by dates being set without checking but it is only one day and I bet DS will love showing you round his play school and showing you what he does everyday.

I'm a little jealous, I would have loved to have helped out at DDs playschools but they didn't have parent helpers tbh I'd love to help out at anyone's playschool, I'm DBS checked and everything

Original poster

Sparklypants · 24/06/2014 15:35

It's a government funded pre school and I will suck it up and do it, I'm hoping that I get a nice surprise and I actually enjoy it :-) but I do really resent being told that I have to help. I think that if I'd been given a choice of dates I wouldn't be feeling so annoyed.

Maybe it's a way for them to cut costs a bit. If they didn't have a parent helper for each session they would have to employ another nursery worker.

With regards to the crb checks. I always assumed that anybody working with children in a school environment had to have one.

OP posts:

attheendoftheday · 24/06/2014 15:35

If you genuinely can't do that date then let them know and ask to swap. If you can and don't fancy it, then I think you are a bit U. I'm sure the other parents don't help because it's their favourite activity, but because it's better for all the kids to have a higher number of adults around.

I do think it should have been mentioned when you signed up, though. On that account yanbu.

CombineBananaFister · 24/06/2014 15:37

YANBU if you weren't told this is how the pre-school is run (is it entirely charity/volunteer run or do you pay?)
What do they do for those who work and are using it as childcare for that purpose? Or is it more of an informal affair and would they have to close without help?
I think it's nice to volunteer if you can but you shouldn't be forced to and feel guilty if you don't want.
I used to get asked to help out at the one DS went to which was fine occasionally and if all parents did, but it got more regular and only a few of us doing it (there were proper paid staff) PLUS i was paying for him to go there. I was paying to look after mine and others children in the end

WorraLiberty · 24/06/2014 15:40

No, you don't need a CRB check if you're not going to be left alone with the kids.

Original poster

Sparklypants · 24/06/2014 15:41

It will be a couple of times per term I think. I've heard some of the mothers making excuses as to why they can't go in on a particular date and then the play school has struggled to put on that session.

This is why I will do it, with as much grace as I can muster, otherwise the session could be canceled. I don't want that. I do think I should have been given a choice of dates though and possibly an explanation of who needs to be crb checked and how it all works.

OP posts:

LovingKent · 24/06/2014 15:47

They should have mentioned it when you are signed up so yanbu there.
However you have probably been given a date as getting people to volunteer to help never works. Would you have volunteered if they hadn't given you a date??? If it doesn't suit you could swap.
An extra adult is probably needed to ensure the adult:child ratio is high enough for the group to run - if it's not then the preschool cannot open. Employing another member of staff may be too much of an expense for them to manage or they may not be able to recruit suitable staff.
As a parent you will not be left alone as you are not crb checked.
Yes you don't get some time to yourself and your son may play with you instead but for one morning it will give you a useful insight into how they run and probably help you to get out of him what he does rather than getting "don't know"!
As you can tell I speak from experience .
Hope you Enjoy your morning there.

LIZS · 24/06/2014 15:53

The whole point of sending to a play school was so he could socialise without me there, to become more reliant on himself and other adults. Where did you think the other adults came from ? Giving up the occasional morning really won't wreck your house but they should have told you when you enrolled . As long as they aren't using non DBS checked adults to make up their statutory ratios or for sole responsibility , it is fine.

fuzzpig · 24/06/2014 15:53

My DD's preschool did this. As in, they asked that every child had one parent volunteer once. I doubt they chased people up over it though. I actually did it three times in the end I think (over three terms) and my mum did a session too :o it was fab especially when I asked if I could do the story time bit at the end, I loved it. Such a nice way of really seeing the preschool rather than just as an outsider and it made me appreciate their job all the more. I didn't resent giving up a few hours.

Being forced is unfair though.

Tanith · 24/06/2014 16:00

Count yourself lucky! The parents of one of the preschools I pick up from were recently told they had to take turns cleaning the toilets.

PuppyMonkey · 24/06/2014 16:00

Our preschool did this, but we had to put our names down on suitable dates and it was all well in advance.

Plus if you told them you were unable to do it, something had come up etc, that was fine and they were still able to run the session. It was just supposed to be a nice idea, give parents a chance to see what they do etc.

Original poster

Sparklypants · 24/06/2014 16:01

I assumed (wrongly) that the other adults were paid nursery staff.

To clarify, it's not that I don't want to be involved, when I pick DS up he is always running around showing me what he's been doing and I love it, it's firstly the crb thing. I thought it was compulsory for anyone working in a school to be properly checked, I now know differently, and the whole not being told that this was expected of me and that I would have no choice in when I help out.

From most of the replies I can see that maybe I am be abu and I'm sure I will end up enjoying it. It just rankled me a bit being told rather than asked.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sparklypants · 24/06/2014 16:03

Tanith, wow! I don't think I'd be volunteering for that job!

OP posts:

EverythingIsAwesome · 24/06/2014 16:04

Every play school my kids/siblings went to had a rota for parent helpers. I thought this was the norm? We would be handed a rota at the start of the term, detailing the dates. If you cant manage your day, you had to swap with another or otherwise the play school cant open. They should have told you that this is how they operate though!

Tiptops · 24/06/2014 16:04

YABU to think they are using parent helpers to avoid employing more staff. Parent helpers do not count towards the statutory ratios, and you are not permitted to be alone with any children, so it isn't a cost cutting exercise.

YANBU to not want to do it though. If you would prefer not to, then just say no. The session won't be called off as a result due the reasons above.

diddl · 24/06/2014 16:11

Do you pay nothing then OP?

I've never known parent helpers when parents have paid iyswim.

Original poster

Sparklypants · 24/06/2014 16:12

Everythingisawsome, I have never seen a rota nor heard of one before this. Awsome name btw....I'm gonna have that sone in my head all day now :-)

Tiptops, I'm learning a lot today. As I've said a lot of what I though were assumptions, mainly because nobody told me any different!
I've just dug out their prospectus again and none of this is mentioned.

This has taken me by surprise, I didn't know this was the done thing at play school, again I'm clearly wrong :-/

OP posts:

Yoruba · 24/06/2014 16:12

Everything how did that work for parents who have younger siblings at home? I had a newborn ds when dd started preschool, and will have a baby ds2 when ds1 starts. There's no way I could have helped, even though I'd love to!

fledermaus · 24/06/2014 16:17

I think you need to speak to them and find out how it works, and point out that none of this was made clear to you.

Sounds like it is a community/charity run non-profit pre-school, so they may well rely on parent volunteers to operate.

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