To not want to help out at play school

[Sparklypants]

My DS has recently started at a play-school, which he loves and the nursery staff are great but.....I have been handed a piece of paper with my name and a date on it, in which they expect me to go in and stay to be a parent helper for that session.

There's a few reasons that this has irritated me, firstly, I haven't been crb checked and as I haven't been I'm certain that the other parents/step parents/grandparents haven't been. I'm not the sort to see peadophiles around every corner but they don't know who I am or who any of the other parent/carers are. This concerns me. I expected the people looking after DS would be qualified and crb checked.

Also, a bit more selfishly, I simply don't want to give up the only time I get to be by myself (a whopping 2 1/2 hrs). I'm a single sahm and this is honestly the only time I get for me (to clean the house without it being destroyed behind me!)

I'm annoyed that they didn't let me know that this is what they do at this particular play-school when he started, and also that they didn't even ask me if that date was ok with me. To be honest I can't see DS getting much out of the session that I'm present for. He will want to stay with me and play, like we do all the time at home. The whole point of sending to a play school was so he could socialise without me there, to become more reliant on himself and other adults.

Before I get flamed for not wanting to be involved in my DS school life, I fully expect, and want to help out on trips and such like, but I resent being TOLD I have to help and when.

Aibu???

Don't go and help if you don't want to. I definitely wouldn't. I made the mistake of helping out on a school trip once. Never again .

My mum was a play group leader. Run by a voluntary committee. Only paid 2 employees - they needed a 3rd adult every week to ensure they could meet child ratios.

If they had employed a 3rd member of staff fees would have been dearer more like nursery fees.

I know she had a rota otherwise some don't volunteer just take the benefit.

Anyone could help mum, dad grandma auntie etc. younger siblings could go too if mum helped.

The volunteers stayed in the main room supervised at all times. They didn't go to toilets with them.

It was a lovely village playgroup.

Swap if the date isn't convenient with another mum or ask dc's dad, grandma etc to go.

Luckily I can do the date, it's more the fact that I didn't even know that this was a thing and wasn't asked if the date was ok.

There is no one else to ask, hence appreciating the only time I get alone, but it's ok. I just wish I had known about it before being told I was helping on such and such a date.

The whole crb thing I obviously got wrong. As I said, I honestly thought that you had to be crb checked to be around kids in a school environment and the fact that I haven't been worried me.

Thanks for the replies, as I've said, I've definitely leant something today and I really hope I enjoy it.

I couldn't do it. I'm useless with other people's children and can't stand the noise of a toddler nursery room. My dds nursery keep on at me to book a stay and play where I go in to play and I just can't.

Definitemaybe, this is why I say it hope I enjoy it it could end up being the most horrific experience of my life.....

I did it.

Take paracetamol.

I get where you're coming from, I wouldn't really want to do it either. I'm surprised the arrangements weren't made clear to you though, when I was looking for a nursery for my dc I gave the one with a parent rota a very wide berth!

My ds is starting preschool in September, and they operate a parent rota. if you are pregnant or have a baby under six months you get an exemption. If you need to miss your turn for any other reason you have to find someone to replace you.

I was a bit unsure about it as my baby will be 8 months and still breastfed and I haven't family support nearby, so I might have to arrange for my DH to take the odd morning off, unless my mum can come up.

It's a bit of a hassle but I would like to see how he spends his day and I know they organise it for the children's benefit really, so they get to share it with you so think it's a good thing really.

Unless it's a school nursery or paid for childcare it's quite common where I am anyway.
The reason they give you a date is because it is an absolute nightmare to get people to commit to a date.
Many moons ago I did a couple of parent slots for my ex's kids.
At that playgroup if you couldn't do your date it was your responsibility to get a swap, another family member to do it or ask someone on the list of sahm who had agreed to do cover for parents that couldn't name it.
I rather enjoyed it actually. It is only once or twice a term not a huge commitment and honestly your child will enjoy having you there and in future he is more likely to totally ignore you than hang off you the whole session he will have better things to do.

At the preschool my DD's used to go to, there were always plenty of other jobs to volunteer for if you didn't want to help in a session. Tbh helping during a session sent me cold, but I washed the bathroom towels, mixed powder paints, helped prepare the snack, and then later volunteered on the committee and became treasurer! If it's really not your thing then talk to them, see what they say.

Ring them up and tell them your probation officer said no.

They will NEVER ask again.

And I think this must be a south east thing, becaus not one of the play schools round here pulls this nonsense.

Many preschools are charities run not for profit, which is why they can be so much cheaper than a commercial nursery that is run as a business.
Part of this is that parents need to be involved in ten running of the preschool by helping at sessions, doing some washing or helping on the committee or similar.
I don't know if this is the case with the one your child goes to but if so then you will have to do your bit or find a ( probably much more expensive) nursery.
They are BU though by not making this clear.

My kids' preschool was before free places and to keep the costs down, you helped as many sessions per term (or was it per year?) as your DC did sessions per week.

We could always ask to swap - I expect you could too. It was a bit of a pain, but really interesting to see how everything worked and what the kids were like with each other and which of the staff your own DC liked and so on.

It's not a SouthEast thing at all - it's a very common way to be able to keep costs to the minimum.
Govmt don't fund the pre-school, OP, they 'buy places' so the parent gets it for free, and the pre-school/playgroup/nursery loses money on every single place.

Parent helpers don't have to be CRB checked as they are there with their own child. They only need it if they are looking after other children and their own child isn't present.

Take paracetamol before you go (you WILL get a headache!!) and grin and bear it.

If you really can't do a particular day, talk to the other mums about swapping with them.

The playgroup dd2 and D's went to was paid for by us and we still for roped in! Poor dh as a sahp ended up being there several times as he was such a novelty!

When I was covering a guide unit without enough adults the only way I could get parents to help was to allocate a date to each girl who then had to provide an over 18 to come on that day - mum, dad, aunt, older brother, anyone!
This was a last resort after many begging letters for volunteers and the only way we could stay open till a new leader appeared.
It seems rude but it's necessary.

YANBU they should have been clear about it when you joined

I would be unable to ever help so I'm guessing in that situation my dc wouldn't be able to attend

Trollsworth, I will keep that one in mind for future reference

Dd's preschool did this, my only gripe was that dd only went for one session and I ended up staying for 1 in every 2 whereas children who went for ten sessions a week their parent would do 1 in 20. I moved dd to nursery as soon as I could because I don't really like children other than my own tbh.

Hahahaha! I don't dislike other people's kids but I definitely have a lower tolerance for them.

It keeps the costs down, gets parents involved, plus you get a chance to see how things are done and suggest changes if you disagree.

YABU re the CRB thing. It's daft. Even CRB checked people could be peadophiles, you know, just hadn't been caught at the time of the check. It's just a huge waste of money (although I realise why it is the law - they have to do something to show that they've checked out employees & it's hard to think of a better system). But it's not feasible to check all the people you mention - should only CRB-checked people look after dch? Tested when pg?

I had twins so I had to do two sessions each half-term while everyone else did one! I'm not a sociable type and I hated the idea of looking after a group of snotty kids while they covered themselves in sand etc etc, and standing about getting hit in the shins by the trikes. But actually each time I did it I ended up sort of enjoying it.

Plus, if the date isn't convenient - swap with another parent. That's normal.