or being a miserable fart?

[youbuggerz]

DH is a very very good cook and loves having dinner parties.

I am sick of them as we are always having house guests (we live in the country and quite a way from all of our friends) and not only is it a lot of effort, but it costs a fortune. DH never remembers this as he doesn't do our finances, but our luckily guests end up with a three course meal, booze, a fry up the next day, clean bed and towels etc etc and DH and I end up doing a lot of cleaning.

Whilst I think its important that we keep friends, I sometimes guilty think I could be spending the money we spend on dinner parties (DH insists they don't cost us much as he is ‘buying food anyway’) on our imminent DC or a holiday for us both.

DH thinks if we didn't hold dinner parties, we'd lose some of our friends as they live miles away and we don't really know anyone locally. Part of me thinks he is right as we don't get many invites back, though they always jump at the chance to come to us.- in fact one couple try to invite themselves frequently stating that we can ‘see what we are in for’ with their 1 year old and do we fancy having them for the weekend? (No!)

However, we do have a handful of friends who have invited us for the weekend but then have taken us to expensive restaurants, which we simply can’t afford to do and I don’t feel like I can ask them to cook for us or to stay in if we get invited somewhere.

Am I being UR to think people take advantage of our hospitality?

The other thing i get is "We must meet up!!! When are you coming to London/Manchester/Birmingham next?"
Answer: "Oh thanks for the invitation! When are you free for us to come and stay? We'll arrange a date now, shall we?"

Just assume that they're inviting you. Ride roughshod over their wording - assume it's an invitation, even though it isn't - and if they gobble and backtrack then say "Oh, I thought you were inviting us back after the last few times we had you at ours..."

Oh and if they are scared to compete with your DH's cooking, and he's agreeable, suggest that they get the food in and he will cook it. If he doesn't want to (entirely understandable, btw) then that won't work - but it is a way to get round their entirely spurious objections and to avoid having to go out for expensive meals.

yyy get new friends. If you stop making the advances you'll soon see how many invites you get back. We had a very similar situation. The phrase 'I'm sorry but that doesn't work for me' is a nice fluffy 'no' that is really hard to argue with.

Particularly shocked at the sponging freeloader who needs a freebie! Who does she think is paying??? Grrrrr on your lovely behalf

He does insist on getting cheffy. Though I think he's beginning to realise it's too much work for both of us, especially for the freeloaders.

Unfortunately it can be twice a month but a lot less now I'm pregnant as I think people realise I can't be bothered now. Or I've just said no!!

If people haven't invited us back and in particular mr 'Fancy a visit from us? We can bring our DC so you know what you are in for' - who has been TWICE for the weekend/dinner is going to get the 'why don't we come to you response?'.

Breakfast is going to be cereal plonked into the middle of the table for the one visit I have allowed this summer. The guest who said 'I'll leave after lunch' is going to be told we are going out for lunch. Cheeky bitch. We had to pay for our own breakfast,lunch and dinner when we went to hers.

Go, OP!

Kitbit- I WISH I had said that!!!!!!!!!!!

Thumbwitch- I know, I seriously don't get the 'competing'......firstly DH is an absolute dustbin and will eat anything, he eats the one meal I can cook which is spagbol and secondly, don't people just want to 'try'?! Or order a takeaway? I'd feel a bit guilty personally.

I get a bit wound up about it but DH says that some people are dinner party givers and others are takers who are a bit. 'Crap' (he's just trying to stop me taking people's heads off!!). That's fine, but our giving is up and we'll be cashing in some taking very soon.

Another one 'how lovely that you will be coming! Let me send you some local b&b's, as you know we're doing up the house/v v morning sickness/storing baby stuff in the spare room, but I am so looking forward to seeing you!' ....and see who still makes the effort. Might sound harsh but we discovered who our proper friends were and really value them :)

...and good for you on your new tougher stance!! Go girl

Fancy a visit from us? 'Going to pass on that, have a lot on with the baby coming.' Email a list of what the visitors can bring (I can't believe they don't ask! How rude!).

Yy, tell the cheeky bitch you are going out for lunch, Dutch style, immediately.

Anyone who falls away, drops off the radar isn't a real friend.

I know. Rude huh? No I don't fancy a visit from you, you sponger.

Id love to use the storage/space excuse but with 4 spare bedrooms that one wouldn't wash.

'Changing the rooms around and it's chaos' is a good one, suitably vague.
'So looking forward to seeing you it'll be nice to go out for a change, so exhausted with all the cooking'
Or the refreshing 'great, let's keep it cheap though, we've had a fair few visitors and we're skint! Takeaway?'
Can you tell I had s while to think of and use these!!

Orrrrrr....'thought we'd cook something nice on Saturday, how about if you bring the steak/nice wine/expensive cheeseboard/starter and wine and we'll sort the (rest) and cook it all up?'

.....and 'aw sorry we're busy that weekend, lots of visitors as usual, wow feeling like a guest house!'

Looking at YOU MIL

Lol! That's great, I could use ALL of them. Thanks.

What unpleasant people! Make some new friends :)

OP, by all means invite your friends but with a child on the way why not set limits? But his I mean tell the guests to bring a course for the meal with them or you all pick from a takeaway menu and share the cost.

Do they have to stay with you as well? Are there not B and Bs locally?

If your friends want to visit you they will, regardless of whether they are having a gourmet mini break at your expense or not. If, as your husband suspects, they won't visit then why do you want to host these cheapskate freeloaders anyway?

I like the PP's comments about telling the guests you will be visiting them soon and sort our dates. Their responses to this will speak volumes.

Thats very true. Unfortunately there are no B&Bs near us as we are very remote. Theres a Premier Inn in the town and i do feel that it would be too much for people and they wouldn't come if we suggested this.

I don't want to be seen as 'being funny' if with a 5 bedroom house (mostly empty save the furniture) me turning around and requesting that they stay in a local B&B. I do want them to visit me, however, but I don't mind them staying, but its the not thinking to invite us back that does my head in!

"Sorry I've not got any cash at the moment. I really want to see you, but let's eat in if possible. It's always better than a restaurant anyway"

See what I mean?

Reply with "Oh I'm sorry, DH isn't cooking at the moment, perhaps you could bring something with you?"

"Why don't we save you the petrol and come to yours instead, then? Be good to get out and about while we still can!"

Oh that's very good, Tortoise. Cunning!