To think DP should make dinner and not wait for me to do it?

[DapSlash]

I do the bedtime routine with 6 m/o DD. It takes just over an hour, from 5.45pmish to 7pmish.

During this time, DP spends time with DSD 6. They generally piss around on the iPad playing sodding Minecraft.

Once DD is finally asleep, I come downstairs and then have to start making dinner. Depending on what we're having, we don't normally sit down to eat until about 8pm. I think this is too late for DSD. Plus she's a really slow ether and can take longer then half an hour to finish.

I think that DP should make dinner while I'm putting DD to bed. So that by the time I come back down, it's nearly time to eat, meaning DSD has a chance of getting to bed remotely on time. (As it is, it's 9.15pm and she's only just gone to bed. I'll want to go to bed in an hour or so, meaning fuck all time with DP.)

But I am also on mat leave and DP works, so I've held off suggesting this because I feel like I should do the bigger share of making dinner and housework, etc, since he's working.

AIBU?

I agree with whoever said what happens during maternity leave tends to stick. It's silly if you're getting one to bed and dh is pissing about with the other so that the entire family is delayed.

Tell him, I know it's irritating having to tell an adult the fucking obvious, DH start cooking. We can all eat earlier, then all clean up earlier, then all relax earlier.

Why do dd and DSD not eat together?

Agree he should cook.

However that long for bed upstairs alone is slightly mad. I would move all bedtime and feeds for baby also.
So let her have late afternoon nap 30 mins, everyone have dinner together at 6.30pm. 7.30pm breastfeed baby downstairs so your still all together and social. Then you or dh can take turns just taking baby upstairs for quick bath/ or wash, clean clothes, ready one short story and Into bed by 8pm. Your dsd could have bath at same time, and come read to baby also. Then go Into their bed, have own story. And both children fed and in bed between 8/8.30 pm. All adults eaten, and whoever isn't doing bedtime sorts out dinner things. Breastfeed downstairs def the big change as the dh can do bedtime equally

YANBU.

In our house whoever is doing bedtime, the other one does dinner. You shouldn't have to do both.

My DH is another kitchen shirker so he does the bath and bed routine and I nip in for a 10 min breastfeed and hand DS back to DH for settling into bed. Your DH should either cook or do the bed routine. Your dsd needs an earlier night too by the sound of it.

How about a compromise? Alternate nights cooking?

I'm a SAHM (going back to work in Sept) and I've always seen it as part of my job to cook supper, but my DH doesn't get home till 7-8pm. If he was home by 6pm I'd feel differently.

I am a Sahm who cooks.

Being the one who cooks, I also decide what we eat and when.

Talk to your DH

Pants! Agree with pp that he should be helping. Can u meal plan? That way he knows what you're all eating and can start the dinner. I also sometimes prepare the dinner in the morning so it's ready to go in the evening. Also love my slow cooker

Your two kids should eat together, to give you an evening you should eat with them. Up to your DH if he joins you or not really.

I don't wash the baby everynight.

I don't see that his being at work during the day should preclude him from cooking. That makes no sense. Being on maternity leave shouldn't mean that you are responsible for all meals. Do working ppl never cook?
Of, however, you are responsible for all meals then you get to choose the timings and meals to suit the family.
If he won't get off his arse to cook dinner then I would kill him either eat with the kids, or make something for the kids that could be reheated later or a slow cooker type thing so I was only making one meal a day.
You can eat that when you like.
I'm still far too interested in why 6yo eats with you and 6mo does not. If you're going to have time without the baby it would make sense to maximise it by also having time together without 6yo and she would also be eating at (IMHO) a more sensible time.

If you eat together and that's important then yes, dp needs to prepare dinnerso that you can eat as soon as you come downstairs from putting baby to bed. No brainer.

I'm still far too interested in why 6yo eats with you and 6mo does not. If you're going to have time without the baby it would make sense to maximise it by also having time together without 6yo and she would also be eating at (IMHO) a more sensible time

Because, basically, DP has a touch of the Disneys and likes to keep DSD up late to hang out with her.

We all have tea between 5.30-6pm in our house, unless I'm going to be majorly late home when mine is reheated later. I used to eat at 7.30, but we all find it helps digestion to eat our big meal then. You could then take your 6mo up to bed once they've finished/started to fuss to leave DP to badger DSD to finish. Though she may eat quicker / it not irritate him so much if she starts earlier.

Your bedtime routine sounds pretty sorted for a 6mo, if it's working then I would leave it be. Don't mess the baby about to accommodate your husband's laziness, you will be the one dealing with an out of sorts baby.

9.30 is pretty late for a 6yo to be going to bed.

I would go for all eating together at 6 ish -one of you could cook while the other feeds the baby, and give the baby some finger food while the rest of you eat. Tgen one person could tidy up while the otger does bath time. In fact, couldn't DH and DSD do baby's bathtime together ? Then they could have some time to play while you feed the baby.

Sorry, you said DP not DH.

Dap you need to make sure the baby eats with you too. She'll be a toddler before you know it and things will be harder to change then.

What time does your DP get home?

I think the easiest thing would be if you all ate together at 6/6.15 (agree, you don't have to bathe baby every night). Then you can do the bedtime routine for baby while DP hangs out with DSD, and once the baby is in bed you can relax.

You really need to stop the current arrangement, it makes no sense and is not fair to you.

My husband eats with the toddler at 5 ish. I work part time 50-60 hours a week. Tend to get in about 6.30, I either make my dinner before or after bedtime routine (always been my job as SAHD knackered by then!) depending what I'm having and time. Seems to work for us.

Man you all eat late. Tea is 4.30-5pm here. I couldn't Imagine making little kids wait to eat just because a parent wants to eat together.

All have yours and he has his later.. He can still hang out with his child but when she has a full tummy.

I'm a SAHM and DH still makes dinner while I watch DD. DSD is old enough to be left in a room alone while keeping an open ear for trouble.

We alternate - one does bedtime, the other does tidy round and put dinner on.

During the week dinner is a batch cooked chilli / curry etc so only a ten minute job to heat. Or something that can juat be thrown in the oven - chicken and jacket potatoes etc. Nothing that takes actual time to stand over.

Agree - baby doesn't need a bath every night. We do bath together - one baths and the other cleans the bathroom and tidies round upstairs.

Your P is happy for you to do it all. Sounds like it is all going in line with what he thinks he deserves. He's happy to sit around while you do it all.

I'd be pretty fucked off about this too OP.

Ok. Well what time does he get home?

If he's home in time he can make dinner and still hang out with DSD. They can do it together.
Is he refusing to cook?