AIBU / Inappropriate behaviour at school..

[schoolissuehmmm]

Name changed for this.

My daughter came home today and told me a boy in her class had been saying "inappropriate" things to her and the other girls. Someone had made a complaint and the class teacher spoke to all the girls individually asking if this boy had "said inappropriate" things to them.

They are in Yr5 so I assumed it was "willies" "sexing" that sort of throwing around new words rudeness. Boys was I wrong.

This boy has been using really filthy vile phrases and words. I won't post them here but they are in detail graphic explanations of sexual acts, oral sex, insinuating the girls are gay and should do XYZ and show him, what he wants to do to them and so on. I felt sick hearing it actually. My daughter didn't know what some of the words meant. This has been going on for months and is daily and it appears constant.

I went in and spoke to the teacher before school. She said yes someone had complained, they've already "dealt with it". I asked how and she said they had spoken to him mum and it appears he is just "a little more inquisitive about sex than most of the other children".

I asked her if she actually knew what he had said and she said she had a good idea. I told her black and white some of the exact phrased and words he was using and said that obviously that's not just "inquisitiveness" she was shocked and said she thought he's just been silly and asking about sex. It appear the girls had been too embarrassed to tell her exactly what he's been saying. She said she would deal with it and turned to go. I was getting a little annoyed as it has upset my daughter and me so I asked her how and she said she would have to speak to the head teacher.

AIBU to be really upset by this? I am sure it is not normal for a 10 yr old boy to have the sexual vocabulary of a hooker. Seriously, some of the things he had said made MY skin crawl and I am a fairly open minded person. AIBU to expect something more to be done. (I don;t know what though).

I always worry when people automatically jump to the conclusion that a child has been sexually abused because they have been using inappropriate language and have been behaving in a 'sexual' manner.
I agree that he could have heard the language from an older brother, cousin etc. children have access to the internet via mobile phones etc. We don't know what the issue is.
It would be unwise for a parent to go around spreading gossip without being 'fully' aware of the facts.

Happy yes but playground gossip is not protecting your child and may be putting another child at risk.

I'd love to live in the land in which some of you live. Unfortunately,I don't and so it's better to assume the worst and safeguard this child until known otherwise. Expressing explicit sexual behaviour is a huge concern and should not be brushed off. Children may overhear an older sibling swearing which is normal but given the content, there is a safeguarding failure in this child's home, be it sexual abuse or not. Poor kid.

Being exposed to pornography by an older sibling/adult (or the adults not doing anything to attempt to stop or limit known exposure at home), or an older sibling/adult knowingly exposing a younger child to this amount of detail about sex is a harmful/abusive environment. An abusive environment does not necessarily mean a physical assualt of any kind.

Either way, whatever the cause, it wouldn't alter my course of action, which would in no way include playground gossip

Whilst I do not think you should discuss this with other parents as this is not in the boy's best interest, I do think you should ask how the school intend to protect your daughter and other children in the class.

Children with older siblings often witness inappropriate behaviour and see films/video with a high level of sexual content. However, if you are genuinely concerned about the boy and his well being, I would contact multiple agencies - NSPCC, childline, the police - until someone listens. Unfortunately, my experience is that SS can be slow/reluctant to act even when contacted by the school.