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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

According to my DC I am the worst mum in the world...

59 replies

HonoraryOctonaut · 20/06/2014 11:03

I'm sure some of you will agree with them... But I don't think I'm being unreasonable?

Older boys are 12 and 10. Spoilt really I suppose, although they aren't brats but can be very lazy and have a lot of stuff - xbox, games, tv, sky, gaming chairs, mini fridge, 3DS, stuff like that. Mostly second hand and eBay but I think I over compensate for being a single parent. They are nice boys, well mannered, always well behaved but unappreciative of how hard I save up to spoil them at Christmas and on birthdays and how much I go without to get it for them.

Their bedroom has been an absolute put for over a year. I decorated it about 18 months ago, new furniture, desk, grown up stuff like a nice rug and all co ordinated. I thought it would be an incentive for them to keep it tidy but no. I'm not exaggerating when I say it is a health hazard. You can't see the floor, broken games and DVDs, mugs, sweet wrappers, bits of papers, pens, Lego etc. They can't have friends round - I would go as far as to say it would be a cause for concern if social services saw it. Not that they have reason to pop round but you know what I mean.

I've tried demanding, bribing, punishing, ignoring, threatening, everything to get them to tidy it up but nothing has worked. They go up and sit and watch tv, do nothing, argue, then end result is the same - it just gets worse.

Ive got a skip at the moment as I've been doing some clearing out. After asking them again to tidy up last night and getting nowhere, today u have dumped the contents of their bedroom into the skip. Lego, toys, books - everything. It all went into black bags with the rest of the rubbish. The only things I haven't chucked are the expensive stuff like the computers and discs but they are hidden away. To all intents and purposes the room is empty of everything except furniture and clothes.

So now I am the worlds worst mum. It's not fair apparently, i say tough. They were warned over and over again and did nothing about it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FarelyKnuts · 20/06/2014 11:06

Were they warned that was the consequence? Ie: it all goes in the skip if you don't tidy it?
Or was it more general "I'll throw this lot out" iykwim?

OutragedFromLeeds · 20/06/2014 11:09

YANBU I would have done the same.

The only thing that is unreasonable is putting stuff in a skip that somebody else could use. The charity shop would be better.

DangerousBeanz · 20/06/2014 11:10

Good for you!!!! Well done!!! YADNBU.

Mumof3xox · 20/06/2014 11:10

Take things away until it is done xbox etc

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 20/06/2014 11:11

The only part yabu about is putting it in the skip, sell it or charity shop it. I hate seeing useable stuff go to waste.

Original poster
HonoraryOctonaut · 20/06/2014 11:12

More a general it will go in the bin than the skip specifically. I just got so sick of it. They couldn't even close the bedroom door I was that bad. I tried to sit an supervise/help a few times but I have 2 toddlers and it wasn't safe for them robe in the room too (lots of Lego, marbles etc) I even found a smashed mirror under a pile of stuff ffs.

I cleaned it all out and tidied it before I decorated it but they seem to have no respect for their stuff at all.

OP posts:
StrawberryGashes · 20/06/2014 11:14

YAnbu, I bet they'll keep their room tidy now.

Original poster
HonoraryOctonaut · 20/06/2014 11:14

Most of it was broken or had bits missing, scratched discs etc. some of it could've gone to the charity shop but I don't have time to sort it all out and clean it up. It was a case of just stuffing handfuls of stuff into black bags, and fishing out the xbox games as I saw them, I probably missed a few.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 20/06/2014 11:16

Lego in a skip ???? YABU....

FarelyKnuts · 20/06/2014 11:17

I think YAB a bit U in that case. I understand the frustration but a deadline and a definite "it goes in the skip tomorrow" might have been slightly more reasonable.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 20/06/2014 11:21

I don't think you're unreasonable at all. I think you've been very patient.

The one way to ensure people take care of their stuff and not become unappreciative is to take it all away and not replace it. If they want to replace the stuff you've chucked they have to earn their own money and pay for it all.

n.b. I have no idea what a "gaming chair" might be but it sounds rather lavish to me.

All their expensive stuff like games consoles and TVs need to taken out of their room as they obviously can't be trusted to treat them with respect.

LadyNexus · 20/06/2014 11:22

Bet they'll clean it next time Grin

SanityClause · 20/06/2014 11:23

YABU, actually.

If you had specifically told them if it wasn't tidied by x time, then you intended to skip it all at x+1 time, that would be fair enough.

As it is, they are used to you talking about it and doing nothing, so to suddenly throw everything away without a final warning, and when they weren't there, was a bit outrageous, actually.

lettertoherms · 20/06/2014 11:23
Sad

Yabvu.

The lesson your children will learn is to resent and not trust you.

TurtleyAmazing · 20/06/2014 11:23

I would probably of removed all the toys and put them in the attic or something and then give DC the chance to earn their possessions back. for example if they keep their rooms clean, beds made and help do some chores then at the end of the week they could have a few of their things back, same with the next week.

I'm sorry but i think throwing someones possessions away is a bit mean. But that's just me, each to their own and all that.

Original poster
HonoraryOctonaut · 20/06/2014 11:24

It's a chair that you can plug headphones into and it vibrates, there is a space in the arm of it for a can of pop. Not that it's ever been used as there wasn't any space to put it onto the floor. It's been sat folded in half on the end of his bed since Christmas. The smart earphones that I got with it are broken, trodden on probably.

OP posts:
Timetoask · 20/06/2014 11:27

Their entitled attitude is due to your own parenting. Unfortuantely you are not alone. Parents these days think that giving children all this stuff and demonstration of love. It is not.
Start now by making them work for what they want. And having so much electronic stuff and mini fridges available in their rooms (or near them) is going to make them into lazy overweight adults.

Xcountry · 20/06/2014 11:29

hahaha nope, that seems perfectly reasonable to me, DD wouldn't stop leaving her coat on the floor so I told her if she didnt it again I would cut it up, she left it, I cut the arm off it and stuck it to her pinboard and put the rest in the bin - lesson learned.

The lesson they will learn is to do what mum says or she will follow through with the punishment, not to walk all over you and take the piss.

QisforQcumber · 20/06/2014 11:29

I remove battery packs out of the xbox controllers and change the wifi password. Both are retained until tidy/compliance/homework completed/less lip occurs. Works every.single.time.

Good for you OP, I don't do tolerate repeated requests or bribes, its not hostage negotiation its basic house rules/manners. DS doesn't hate me and for the most part he does as he is asked, when he is asked.

YouTheCat · 20/06/2014 11:32

Good for you.

They've been warned and now you've followed through on your threat. Make them earn the things you salvaged back and they should pay for anything that needs replacing.

Writerwannabe83 · 20/06/2014 11:32

Good for you!!

My much did this to me and my sister when we were younger and we thought she was the worst mum too Grin

We certainly learnt our lesson though Smile

Kids need to learn there are consequences to their actions, not be allowed to just do what they want and get away with it.

pointythings · 20/06/2014 11:34

I'd have dug out the expensive stuff that I could have passed on to someone more appreciative, but no, YANBU. They sound spoilt. Now stop buying them stuff and leave their bedroom for sleeping!

DontPutMeDownForCardio · 20/06/2014 11:34

Reminds me if the mner who threw her kids xbox out the widow - legend!

iseenodust · 20/06/2014 11:46

YANBU I would only let one electronic toy back into the room at a time when they prove over time they can keep it tidy.

McFox · 20/06/2014 11:47

Maybe you should stop spoiling your dc to such a ridiculous degree, treat them like the children they are, and stop allowing them to spend all their time in their rooms doing what the hell they want! No wonder they are treating you with so little respect Hmm