According to my DC I am the worst mum in the world...

[HonoraryOctonaut]

I'm sure some of you will agree with them... But I don't think I'm being unreasonable?

Older boys are 12 and 10. Spoilt really I suppose, although they aren't brats but can be very lazy and have a lot of stuff - xbox, games, tv, sky, gaming chairs, mini fridge, 3DS, stuff like that. Mostly second hand and eBay but I think I over compensate for being a single parent. They are nice boys, well mannered, always well behaved but unappreciative of how hard I save up to spoil them at Christmas and on birthdays and how much I go without to get it for them.

Their bedroom has been an absolute put for over a year. I decorated it about 18 months ago, new furniture, desk, grown up stuff like a nice rug and all co ordinated. I thought it would be an incentive for them to keep it tidy but no. I'm not exaggerating when I say it is a health hazard. You can't see the floor, broken games and DVDs, mugs, sweet wrappers, bits of papers, pens, Lego etc. They can't have friends round - I would go as far as to say it would be a cause for concern if social services saw it. Not that they have reason to pop round but you know what I mean.

I've tried demanding, bribing, punishing, ignoring, threatening, everything to get them to tidy it up but nothing has worked. They go up and sit and watch tv, do nothing, argue, then end result is the same - it just gets worse.

Ive got a skip at the moment as I've been doing some clearing out. After asking them again to tidy up last night and getting nowhere, today u have dumped the contents of their bedroom into the skip. Lego, toys, books - everything. It all went into black bags with the rest of the rubbish. The only things I haven't chucked are the expensive stuff like the computers and discs but they are hidden away. To all intents and purposes the room is empty of everything except furniture and clothes.

So now I am the worlds worst mum. It's not fair apparently, i say tough. They were warned over and over again and did nothing about it.

AIBU?

They have a tidy round when I'm putting ds3&4 to bed but they don't do much else. I'm starting new house rules though, including washing up their own plates and bringing their dirty washing downstairs! The idea of linking it to pocket is great, I'm going to do that. They don't get pocket money at the moment (how much should they get?) as I just tend to buy them what they want (within reason). Ds1 takes £5 to school every day (£2.10 of that is bus fare) and Ds2 has something from the shop on the way home.

17 black bags so far

I have to say that, much though I applaud the idea of you skipping the junk and broken stuff, if you didn't specifically warn them that they would lose it all to the skip, then YWBU.

I also think that YWBU to have been too indiscriminate in what you threw out - AND I think that actually, you would have done better to have removed their electronics prior to the skipping exercise and told them to get on with it themselves!

You have acted in a rather draconian manner and I would be pretty pissed off with you too.

Next time, it would be better to do things in the proper order - WARN them first, remove temptation and if they still don't comply, then follow through.

Skipping books and lego is U in any case, IMO.

Just read your first and ladt posts bsvk to yourself.

You admit they are spoilt, yet you are now considering giving them money for chores and possibly pocket money on top of the seemingly never ending daily handouts.

Take a step back op, yes the little ones need your time, but so do the big ones, not just guilt trip treats and spends.
They need your time and discipline (I.e. doing as you've asked around the house or suffer the consequences) and guidence maybe on what clean and tidy actually means.

They, and their future partners, will thank you for it one day.

Is it too late to get the good stuff out the skip and tell them they can have it back a bag at a time provided the previous bag has been taken to their room and put away nicely. Can you really blame them for ignoring you all this time when you've never followed through with a threat? Children don't understand it when adults snap, I would've been heartbroken if my mum did this to me.

Sorry but I think this is unfair too.

I'm messy. When our house gets messy I don't ow where to start. If I was them I'd have put off starting too. Do they have enough storage for all that stuff

If I was you if do as a PP suggested and give 1 bag back at a time when they've earns it. They can sort it, keep want them want and bin the broken stuff. They'll then see the damage they have caused. They then get another bag back.....

Not unreasonable at all.
Well done op!

I can't get the stuff back out of the skip, it's all mixed in with the rubbish. There's not much in the way of good stuff anyway, there's bits missing, broken bits, grubby bits. The xbox games have been put away. It's not stuff they played with for ages otherwise it wouldn't have been at the bottom of the heap. They were warned, it's not just out of the blue. They were sent upstairs to tidy just last night and did nothing.

Pocket money for chores and keeping their room tidy is in place of me buying them stuff, not as well as. They do need more of my time though, it's difficult as ds3 is an awful sleeper and takes ages to get to sleep of a night - ds1&2 watch ds4 for me whilst I'm getting him to sleep. Then I have to get ds4 to sleep and he is still bf and co sleeps so that takes a while too. By then it's 9pm and time for their bedtime. I would love to take just ds1&2 out for the day or for something to eat or the cinema but I never have anyone to babysit so it's very unlikely to happen. We do lots of family stuff, like Doctor Who nights etc but no 1-2-1 time individually.

Well I bet they'll keep it tidy from now on. Excellent job!