To go apeshit (to my husband) when MiL informs me that SiL will be joining us for our 2 week summer holiday?

[helterskelter77]

Going on holiday to stay with FiL in Ireland next month. Now informed won't be alone - earlier was asked exact dates by MiL without any hint that they were arranging 'hijack' of hols. Pissed off as feel it was by stealth with no respect for my wishes at all. We work full time, never have holidays, exhausted, all the rest of it. Husband thinks it's 'naive' behaviour - I think it's just plain rude. AIBU?

Lots to do in Ireland OP. Get yourself and your family up and out early every morning to do holiday type stuff and still loads of time in the evening for "family bonding".

I suppose I don't really see how SIL is 'joining you for your holiday'. Isn't she just staying at her dad's house at the same time as you? I mean, is she asking you to give her a lift there and back, or do you think she's going to tag along on every outing, or what?

Lots is dependent on what's going on here.

1. Is the OP expected to transport her SIL as well? In which case, bloody cheek!
2. Has the MIL engineered this for them all to go together for some reason?
3. Does the OP's DH get on with his sister?

Now the last 2 cpuld be linked, possibly - I have a sibling I do not get on with. My mother kept on trying to get us to talk to each other on the phone, to get along, engineered us being at parents' house at the same time etc. None of it worked. All it did was make us more cross and resentful of the machinations. So, just wondering if there is a similar scenario going on here...

It will change the dynamic of the holiday as well though - there will be two "children of the house" staying at FIL's, rather than one and his family - and IME that really does change things, usually not for the better! Again depending on how well the OP's DH gets on with his sister.

I was the only one saying that I wouldn't bother to visit my parents if they had that attitude though so the fact that other people complain about families visiting or say "my house my rules" is irrelevant

Okay the juxtaposition hadn't registered so I can see why you think I was speaking to you, but I honestly wasn't...I was referring to the more general MN ethos of it being fine for one set of people to guard their territory, but not for another. IIRC very early on in this thread someone said your arrangement your rules as though the fact that they were staying in someone's house didn't enter into it at all. I didn't comment then because I thought it was so outrageous as to be a wind up (I still think that actually!)

They can have whatever preferences they like. At the same time though I can prefer not to visit them in that situation surely??

100%!! But it would be a shame if you thought (perhaps wrongly, perhaps not) that their preferences were based on a like/dislike of your company!

Could SIL have News which MIL knows about but which shed like to tell herFIL when there are other people there?

//suspicious mind

I'd be pissed off too as it would change the dynamics.

Your SIL isn't really "joining you" though is she? You are visiting family and she will be there at the same time. Perhaps its a big house. If you want exclusive use of a property, you really have to book self catering accommodation.