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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed when kids rummage through my fridge/cupboard?

70 replies

CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 21:03

I don't know why I'm bothered!

My friend's daughter does it as soon as she walks in and for some reason it annoys me to no end. I don't say anything to her, just usually will ask if she's hungry.

I do offer snacks periodically when DS has friends over and of course I wouldn't mind if any of them asked me for a snack or drink.

I think it's just that I was taught that this was incredibly rude- my parents would have been mortified if I'd done it- and it's stuck with me.

Anyone else bothered by this or am I being terribly unreasonable? :o

OP posts:
Hoolit · 18/06/2014 21:09

I'd not be impressed either but like you but ask like you if they are hungry.
I was in the garden tonight talking to a neighbour as her daughter was asking if mine was in, she wasn't but I continued to chat (we've just moved in and getting to know everyone). I only found out later that the child 6yo had gone into my 13ds room!! My ds was not impressed! Not the same but the same iykwim!

matildasquared · 18/06/2014 21:10

It is kind of surprising. I wouldn't have dreamed of doing that in someone else's house when I was a kid! Do their parents never talk to them about being a good guest? Do they not at least get the idea of manners from books or films or something?

All you can do is address it head-on. "Please don't rummage around. If you are hungry I'll get you something."

But it is shocking that you'd even have to say it.

Pregnantberry · 18/06/2014 21:11

It would annoy me too and it's not usual, no child has ever done that at our house!

It probably hasn't occurred to her though if it is what she is used to at home, maybe just say something in a polite/cheerful way?

Mim78 · 18/06/2014 21:12

Yanbu.

Incredible they should do this!

Iggly · 18/06/2014 21:13

Say something?!!! Just a simple - can you ask first please?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 18/06/2014 21:14

Your friend's daughter needs to be told that it's really bloody rude to rummage in someone else's fridge without an invitation. As soon as she walks in, too, not later when it could be excused as feeling a bit peckish. Effing cheek! I'd be minded not to feed her at all now. In fact, I'd be minded not to have her on the premises full stop.

Ragwort · 18/06/2014 21:15

Wow - that is incredibly rude, why don't you just say something? I can't imagine anyone doing that and would hate to think of my 13 yr old DS behaving like that.

But I think you need to be very firm and make it absolutely clear - 'please do not rummage through our fridge or cupboards, here is the biscuit tin/fruit bowl if you would like a snack'

RingleaderOfTheTormentors · 18/06/2014 21:16

YABU, there should be a welcoming platter prepared daily for your DCs and any friends they choose to drag along home with them, ensuring you cater for fussiness and allergies, real AND imaginary! :)

I'd NEVER go in someone's cupboard, even when I used to babysit and they'd say "help yourself" I wouldn't dare!

Recently, a friend of mine brought his 17 yo old son to my house after we'd been to see a show. We (the oldies) sat having a beer, and then the 17yo got up and went to the kitchen without a word. (I had offered him a drink, he'd refused)

His Dad said "he's just getting a drink" I was a bit Shock ..... which didn't last too long, it soon turned to Angry as he returned from my fridge with a can of squirty cream which he the proceeded to squirt directly in his mouth!!!
His dad said NOTHING! Angry

First and last time he's been to my home.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 21:16

She came in and I said hello and she said "I didn't eat breakfast." So I laughed and said "hello, hello" and then she said "hello" back and repeated she hadn't had breakfast.

It was around 12:30 and I'd just given my 2 lunch so I asked her if she wanted some pasta and cheese, which she did.

Then later she was in the fridge and asked for milk (which, to be fair, I hadn't offered her a drink with her pasta as I was getting my youngest down for a nap) and I said sure. Then she wanted more pasta but she'd let my dog lick the plate so needed a new one?

So I got her one and she finished it, then wanted goldfish crackers, then another type of cracker.

Then later I saw her rummaging around in the cupboard for yet another snacky thing. Her sister (who at this point hadn't had anything) asked if she could have one too and I said of course.

Then the Hungry Sister (sounds like a band name :o) asked for Kool-Aid (is that like squash?) so I gave her a glass to make some and she asked if I could make a pitcher of it. I said not right now.

Then she was finishing her snack and I said "no more after that, honey, you'll have dinner when you get home."

Was that okay? Glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks it's odd!

OP posts:
CarmineRose1978 · 18/06/2014 21:20

God, I ask before I go in my auntie's fridge or cupboard, even when I'm staying with her and she's told me to help myself to whatever I fancy! I can't believe anyone would have the nerve or bad manners to do this, cheeky little buggers!

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 21:20

I honestly don't think it would make a difference if I did say something!

OP posts:
RingleaderOfTheTormentors · 18/06/2014 21:20

Bloody hell, sounds like she didn't stop!
Maybe there are locks on the cupboards in her house so she's making the most of free access to yours :)

rhetorician · 18/06/2014 21:21

How old? I don't think my dd who is 5 would actually go in someone's fridge, but she might take something without asking or point to it in an impossible to ignore way. She is often to shy to actually ask, but I do also make a pint of telling her (over and over) that she is not allowed to take or ask for food in other people's houses. She may have food if it is offered to her. But having trouble getting this message across...

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 21:22

Seriously Ringleader?!

OP posts:
Original poster
CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 21:22

Rhetorician she's 8 and a half.

OP posts:
matildasquared · 18/06/2014 21:23

She came in and I said hello and she said "I didn't eat breakfast." So I laughed and said "hello, hello" and then she said "hello" back and repeated she hadn't had breakfast.

"Oh right, that's okay. Just go on home and have your breakfast and we'll see you in a while."

Are you American by the way? I am, and my English husband is always embarrassed by the spread of food I put out when guests are coming. I tell him I don't expect it all to be eaten, it's just I can't bear the thought of someone being hungry when they're at my house. So maybe you're known as the feeder mum with all the great snacks?

Another thought is that this girl is not looked after well and is genuinely underfed--any signs of that?

matildasquared · 18/06/2014 21:24

I honestly don't think it would make a difference if I did say something!

Okay, if she's that disobedient she shouldn't be coming over.

Watercolourfootballs · 18/06/2014 21:27

Why on earth didn't you say something?

That's not acceptable behaviour. TBH I'd tell the child once that it wasn't allowed and then mention to the parents.

Ringleader - what did you say to the 17 yo?

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 21:29

Yup, American here!

No she isn't underfed. They've always been "whatever you want, whenever you want" at their house so I think she thinks that's just how it is? I don't mean that they don't have actual dinners, etc, they do, but the kids help themselves to whatever, whenever.

She isn't disobedient as such. She's very...spacey, if that makes sense. Her mom and I joke that she's "away with the fairies" a lot of the time. So even if I told her I don't know that it would register as something she'd remember next time. I'll give it a shot though as it really is bothering me.

OP posts:
Watercolourfootballs · 18/06/2014 21:29

Sorry - she's right and a half? Shock

I was assuming teenager!

With all due respect you need to start being in charge in your own house. I can not imagine the circumstances in which that would happen in my house and my DC are similar in age.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 21:30

WaterColour I should have! I will now. :)

A big thing to me was, she was sad because the three DC weren't getting along and then she wanted crackers. Her sister said "sometimes when X is sad she wants food because she eats her feelings." Confused

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 18/06/2014 21:31

Why don't you say something? I'd have a word with her mother, too, voicing my concerns that it appears she has not being fed.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 21:32

WaterColour I don't know why it's an issue, I certainly am firm in all other areas! Maybe it's just that food and DC seem to be so emotive. Also I know her parents, as I said, are "whenever, whatever" when it comes to food so they wouldn't understand the problem if I mentioned it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 21:33

Expat I have done that in the past when she was smaller, mentioned that she seemed really hungry and had wanted to eat a lot. Her mother just gave a chuckle. Hmm

OP posts:
Watercolourfootballs · 18/06/2014 21:33

'away with the fairies' is an excuse.

I bet she doesn't walk into the canteen at school and just help herself? Unless there's more to the story then if she's eight she is perfectly capable of understanding and following rules.

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