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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed when kids rummage through my fridge/cupboard?

70 replies

CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 21:03

I don't know why I'm bothered!

My friend's daughter does it as soon as she walks in and for some reason it annoys me to no end. I don't say anything to her, just usually will ask if she's hungry.

I do offer snacks periodically when DS has friends over and of course I wouldn't mind if any of them asked me for a snack or drink.

I think it's just that I was taught that this was incredibly rude- my parents would have been mortified if I'd done it- and it's stuck with me.

Anyone else bothered by this or am I being terribly unreasonable? :o

OP posts:

matildasquared · 18/06/2014 22:45

Okay your kids need better friends. Who does this?

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 22:46

I really don't know if it's an American thing as I am American and raised here, and my parents would've been mortified! But maybe it is given Nando's experiences.

OP posts:

matildasquared · 18/06/2014 22:50

Of course it's not an American thing. Your whole point is that you were shocked speechless by it. I have literally never seen it.

I only mentioned the American thing because I thought you were an American in England, and there is a cultural difference of Americans offering guests vast quantities of slightly large spreads of food.

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 23:13

I think that's true, especially down South. :)

My kids do need nicer friends I think...for instance I did not know it was necessary to tell another parent that my kindergartner was not allowed to play Grand Theft Auto

OP posts:

matildasquared · 18/06/2014 23:13

Lord.

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 18/06/2014 23:19

I hasten to add I don't mean nice as in "naice"; I'm not a snob!

OP posts:

PrincessBabyCat · 19/06/2014 03:10

I never go through someone's cupboards unless they tell me to make myself at home. Unless someone gives you permission to go through their cupboards to get food, you wait until food is offered. That was always the rule growing up. Some parents didn't care, some parents kicked me out of the kitchen, and some parents gave me a tour of the fridge and told me what I was allowed to take.

I live in the US and I'm not sure if it's an American thing or not, because I remember quite a few sleep overs where the parents had us fend for ourselves and raid the cupboards to find cereal in the morning and snacks in the evening. Babysitting I was always told to raid to the cupboards, which I certainly did. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever had a problem grabbing a glass from the cupboard and pouring myself some lemonade or whatever is in the fridge without asking at friend's houses. But going through cupboards certainly isn't something you do with an acquaintance. In my experience cupboard raiding isn't as big a deal as everyone here is saying.

My parents had a rule that the first time you were a guest and they would offer food and drink for you. The second time on you were family and had to fend for yourself.

As long as kids weren't going through my cupboards like little locusts and eating everything, I'm not sure I'd care. I'd be a bit embarrassed if a kid left my house hungry instead of grabbing a snack to be honest.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 19/06/2014 04:06

Durian or Lutefisk...is the answer, to stop the scroungers stealing from your cupboards.

flyingspaghettimonster · 19/06/2014 04:38

I am going to asse you are in America still cheerful yank? I find the kids over here are much more self confident and have a sense of their own importance that UK kids don't have... Not sure it is really rudeness as such (although I have seen that too), but just a sort if feeling that they have a right to act at home in anyone's house. I've had kids come over and open Easter candy without asking, critique the dinner I serve (when I was a kid if you didn't like something you politely nibbled then said you weren't very hungry) - one kid said "oh, I don't eat that, I'll just have a pbj instead". These kids are often more polite than UK kids with their "yes ma'am, no ma'am", but I do find they need to be told quite bluntly about house rules before it sinks in.

Thumbwitch · 19/06/2014 05:34

Crikey, Cheerful - you did well to keep your cool with her entirely! I'd have shunted her straight out of the kitchen and told her "We ask for stuff in this house, we don't just take what we want, that's rude".

Her parents' rules work for their house only - pretty much anyone else, what she did would be seen as rude and it would be a good idea if someone pointed it out to her before she gets barred from other people's houses because of her lack of knowledge of basic manners!

As for the 17yo and the squirty cream, Ringleader, however did you stay quiet??! I would have, at the very least, commented on how disgustingly unhygienic that was!

nooka · 19/06/2014 05:51

My children are not allowed to rummage in our cupboards/fridge (they know what's OK to take but if we are here will always ask), and we've not had an issue with their friends, but we did discover that dd does this with our neighbours. They thought it was very funny, but I was mortified.

matildasquared · 19/06/2014 06:07

Then why would she be shocked speechless? Did you not see us both write that we'd never seen such a thing?

This is not at all how American kids are. I've found the opposite actually--kids in England are much more cheeky and will just speak to any adult. I had a couple of lads (8ish) ask me not to park in a certain place on the road last night because it was in the way of their street football match. Um, no. That kind of thing happens a lot here (though it might be the rough-and-ready area I'm in). It's like kids aren't afraid of adults here the way they are in the US. I actually think it's a good thing.

goldopals · 19/06/2014 08:49

I did that one should and my mum was in the other room. She was modified despite the friends mother laughing it off. The bollocking I got that night meant I never did it again

CrayolaCocaColaRocknRolla · 19/06/2014 09:24

My sister's friends do it, but only because they're basically family now. Her other friends wouldn't do it, I think there are some kids left with manners
I'd have never done it, yanbu. My jaw would hit the floor if some child went up to my fridge and nicked my food out of it. How rude is that, what's the worst I'm gonna say if they ask? "no, I've not been shopping, there's nothing in, I'll pop round the shop"?

mrssnodge · 19/06/2014 09:34

My 25 yr old DD does this, she has a home of her own, my other DD or DS wouldnt dream of it, but she thinks its her right, comes in the door and straight to the fridge/cupboards ect! I wouldnt do this in her house, why does she think its ok in mine-when i pull her over on it, she laughs n says ah you've always got nice food in!!! Cheeky mare, !!

Redefined · 19/06/2014 09:44

Other peoples children? drove me insane, and ended one friendship with someone who exercised absolutely no control over her toddlers explorations. YANBU

My own children? - now grown, withtheir own, I would be mortified if they ever felt they needed to ask me for a drink/biscuit/snack rather than help themselves as they used to when still living with me as young adults.
Surely that freedom is part of the transition from younger child to adult (though I am aware that having had an adult DD move home did shift the dynamic and perhaps colour my view)
My home will always be their second home, they never take undue advantage or abuse the freedoms.

It did take me several years to teach my DSIL that he didn't need to knock, though.

magso · 19/06/2014 10:02

It sounds like this 8 year old (with her dreamy nature) needs a bit more direction than some, so just tell her your rule (we ask for food in this house) and if need be prompt to reinforce. My son has LD/ASD (OK he is a older but his learning disability and autism put his social skills at a much lower level than his NT peers), and he needs to directed to notice different rules in different houses.

Thumbwitch · 19/06/2014 12:39

mrssnodge if it does annoy you then try doing it back to her in her house - see if she gets it then.

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 19/06/2014 15:37

See SpaghettiMonster I am American through and through (I've never even been out of the US except for a few day trips to Canada) and I would be horrified if my DC did any of those things!

Maybe it depends on where you're from; we're Midwestern (specifically "Minnesota nice" ) and the South, East, etc, are almost like different cultures from time to time.

SteamTrains the area of the state I was raised in has a huge Scandinavian population (we're Finnish as well) so I have had lutefisk many a time and could lay my hands on some! :o

OP posts:

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 19/06/2014 15:51

Dd1 has a friend who does this. I know her mom, and I think she would be really annoyed with her if she knew.

In our case, said kid rummages in the press for treats or helps herself to fruit shoots.
When I catch her at it, I go 'Oi, in this house we have to ask first'. And she still does it... Drives me totally crazy. It's like she can't help herself once she knows all the treats are there.

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