to be annoyed when kids rummage through my fridge/cupboard?

[CheerfulYank]

I don't know why I'm bothered!

My friend's daughter does it as soon as she walks in and for some reason it annoys me to no end. I don't say anything to her, just usually will ask if she's hungry.

I do offer snacks periodically when DS has friends over and of course I wouldn't mind if any of them asked me for a snack or drink.

I think it's just that I was taught that this was incredibly rude- my parents would have been mortified if I'd done it- and it's stuck with me.

Anyone else bothered by this or am I being terribly unreasonable? :o

The older sister, come to think of it, used to do it too.

Another boy in the neighborhood doesn't but he is always telling my DS for food.

Some odd or starving children around these parts it would seem!

My own children didn't keep going to cupboards and snacking without asking, let alone a visitor!

How very, very rude!

I would be annoyed at this.

I am perfectly happy to feed children when they come to my house, but I would think it was rude if they just helped themselves. I've never actually had this situation happen, though.

Perhaps you could just mention it if you see her do it again. "Please don't go into the cupboards to look for food. If you want something to eat, you need to ask me first. Now, what can I get you?"

I do think it's American thing to overfeed guests, so I wonder if there might be some cultural difference at play. You have a hard time saying no to an apparently hungry child, whereas maybe the other friends' parents have firmer boundaries. So she's got into the habit of rummaging at yours!

I think it's time to just lay down the law in a firm, cheerful way. "Kitchen's closed! Go play!"

watercolour I said NOTHING. I couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't "what the actual fucking FUCK do you fucking think you are fucking DOING you cheeky ignorant little FUCKER?"

So as usual I bit my tongue at the time and slagged him off to my friend the next day. I didn't say anything to the Dad either.
I'd b absolutely GUTTED if one of my kids did that in someone's house!

The more I think of it, the more I think she's boundary-testing. Seeing what she can get away with. I think it would actually be great if you taught her some manners, since no one else is.

I've found one of my DD's friends rummaging through my handbag once. We had been in town, and I bought some sweets in the pound shop, I had put them in my bag. When we got back, DD and friend went to play in the garden, I took sweets out of my bag and put them on the table in clear view, and told both girls where the sweets were.

I went into the kitchen, heard a noise and the friend was rummaging in my bag - I asked "why are you in my bag?" and she said "my sweets" I replied, they're on the table, as I told you 2 minutes ago, please put my bag down" and she said "thought you might have stolen my sweets" (continuing to rummage) so I took my bag off her and told her to go home.

Her mother arrived within seconds to ask why her precious was in floods of tears and when I explained, she was mortified. She tried to get her daughter to apologise but she refused and kicked my DD instead!

a rumage through clean washing pile is worse

My dn is 14 and when he comes round he rummages through the cupboards and fridge saying "I'm hungry, do you have anything to eat?" He always manages to find himself something!
His mum is often with him but she doesn't say anything.
Tbh, I'm fine with it, I'm happy he feels comfortable in our house. Though I must on some level also feel it's rude as I wouldn't allow my dc to do that in anyone else's house.
Maybe I don't mind because he's family?

Matilda we are all American and live in America :)

Her parents are definitely much more lax than I am; they all eat whatever, whenever.

Her dad came to pick them up and I mentioned what had happened in a nice way and all he said was "oh she did too eat breakfast, little liar!" or something to that end.

Next time she comes I'll definitely tell her to ask!

That's shocking. I literally have never seen a kid be so brazen. I'm not surprised you were speechless.

I feel guilty opening anyone else's fridge or cupboards, even if they say, "can you grab me the xyz out of the fridge, there" I sort of feel like I'm nosing around!

YANBU, very rude IMO

Good grief - Yanbu
My DC friends would never go in my fridge or cupboards.
Very rude.
I should add that drinks and snacks are offered.

Rummaging in your bag!

I remember in Catholic school when we had our first confession. It was a challenge sometimes to find something to confess if you hadn't sinned much that week. One of my friends said, "Oh just tell the priest you took a quarter from your mother's purse or something."

Take a quarter from my mother's purse?! Did people DO that? I couldn't even imagine it.

And going in someone else's mother's purse? You'd go to jail!

Not that I think kids should go around in fear but it's just so weird when you encounter these feral ones.

I've had this and I find it very rude. I'd be really embarrassed if any of mine did it and would pull them up on it immediately. I think even asking for food when not offered is a bit rude tbh. Id say something if a child did it when the parents weren't there, but so far 3 kids have riffled through my cupboards on a regular basis, each time parents have been present and not said a word!

I practically lived at my best friend's house as a teen and even then I don't think I ever just went in their fridge or cupboards.

Now I'm concerned because DS was recently at a friend's and came back saying he'd had Mountain Dew. (Which we don't allow him, he's 6!) Anyway, now I'm worried he asked for it and is one of those feral kids! :o He's at another friend's now but I will be questioning him when he gets home.

I should add that this girl is never really "naughty" but in other aspects he does come across as quite rude because she says things that are just completely thoughtless/tactless. She seems to have no idea.

*she

My own dc are not allowed to just go rummaging through the fridge! They have free rein on the fruit bowl but that's it unless they ask first. We have had one set of visiting children who always made a beeline for the biscuit tin and helped themselves with gay abandon but they were young and used to doing it at home.

There is no excuse at all for a 17yo helping himself to your squirty cream! None whatsoever!

Sorry for posting and running, RL intervening!

I would definitely be much firmer OP. Perhaps leave a plate of fruit/snacks etc out when thus particular child comes and these these Are the snacks, no one is to go through the cupboards.

At 8yo she should have long learnt that 'different mummies have different rules'.

Ringleader I can imagine!

I would recommend cultivating a raised eyebrow if you can I find it extremely effective in these types if situations.

Actually I think that in that circumstance I would have silently walked over and removed the can from said 17yo and put it in the bin. The point would have been made I think!

you still obviously get to gossip about their rudeness the next day obviously

In US here too and I'm slightly appalled at how many children do this at our house. The difference is that I always say "Oi! Get out of my pantry!" and I make sure a (varied) snack is on the table when everyone arrives. That's what they get and there's no shopping around for other stuff, otherwise I find it's like with the OP and they start asking for this, and that, and something else, and oh maybe I'll just have a bite of frittata, and hmm can I just try an oyster, no I don't like that make me a sandwich, and they drift in and out of the kitchen every time they feel a tiny bit bored/peckish/whatever and give me food orders and drive me potty. I would be horrified if my kids acted like this at someone's house.