to tell work colleagues wife why he remains obese

[twistedsista]

The guy I sit next to at work is pretty unhealthy, will have a can of coke and a muffin for a snack and then at lunch get a burger, crisps and then will eat the reasonably healthy lunch his wife makes.

If anything he shouldnt eat the lunch as he's already consumed far too many calories and its more important what he doesn't eat than what he eats.

Would just ignore this but I'm getting quite friendly with his wife at the gym.

He has health concerns and she is worried about him and has saidna few times she's tried everything to help him loose weight but nothings working. I'm finding it increasingly hard to just nod sympathetically while knowing is gorging himself silly at work.

Should I just stay quiet or tell her?

I would find it soooooo bloody tempting to tell her.

But morally I don't think you can. Surely she must gather he must be getting the extra calories from somewhere.....

I would personally wouldn't say anything and try to avoid the conversation with her at the gym.

It might be worth having a quiet word with him though maybe just say in passing what she has said to you and that she is worried for him.

Telling her won't change anything, it'll just cause trouble.

Not your business. You are not the food police. If you have to say anything say it to him as Eminybob suggests.

Why on earth would you interfere like that? You'll make enemies of them both.

Dh once ratted out his work colleague by accident at a Christmas party. He was supposed to be on a healthy eating kick because he'd had a heart problem, might even have been a mild heart attack, can't remember - anyway, we were talking to him and his wife and DH happened to mention the bacon and chip butties that this colleague routinely had for his lunch - his wife's face!! He got it with both barrels that night from her and had to cut back - but she only has his best interests at heart, so he took it fairly well.

I'd be sorely tempted to tell her too - because she's worrying about him, he's not helping himself, she's going to be devastated if he has a heart attack because he refuses to change his eating habits. But in reality, unless she comes to have lunch with him every day, he's not going to change even if she does know about it. Do you ever see them together? Perhaps "accidentally" mentioning it while you're with both of them would be better morally than "going behind his back" and dropping him in it.

Or you could ask her what she thinks he has for lunch at work...

i would not say anything either

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Do you expect her to put him on the naughty step so he'll learn his lesson. YABVU

I would be really tempted to tell, but wouldn't as I have a general rule not to comment on others eating or weight, unless I'm deliberately trying to be catty or hurtful!...

OK thanks, needed that support.

Know I shouldn't tell her or even pass any comment on it, but its so frigging tempting!

You know what, if this thread was the other way round, people would be going ballistic about a man trying to "police" his wife's weight in the first place, let alone discussing it with her male colleague.

No one can make him lose weight if he's not motivated to do so himself, OP, so I doubt your speaking to his wife will achieve anything other than effecting your working relationship for the worse.

Actually, I'd tell her - she's only trying to help, and is clearly worried about his health. It might cause short term pain, but if it helps him get healthy then it will have been worth it.

I'd tell him that your friend/his wife has been talking about it and is worried. He probably already knows that she's worried, but if he knows she's talking to you, and that you can see how much he's gorging himself, it might make him think twice about eating so much at work.

I suspect I'd tell them both - he must know that you see his wife at the gym and are becoming friends. Friends often talk about their partners - his 2 lunch secret is on borrowed time.

You could tell him how much she worries about his weight and health. See what he says. Mention how much she works on the healthy lunchboxes.

You could accidentally tell her by saying something like 'I really need to work out today after the burger and chips I had for lunch with your DH' - when she says 'what burger and chips?' you can follow with 'yeah, we have them most days, I'm sorry, didn't you know?'

I'm afraid I couldn't keep my mouth shut indefinitely.

The very most I'd be prepared to say to his wife is that "he must be getting extra calories from somewhere if he's not losing weight". But the most sensible thing would be to say absolutely nothing. No-one needs to make an enemy of a work-colleague.

He is an adult. Don't get involved.

I'm going to go against the grain and say I think I would tell her... it's not just his health he's risking, but the well-being of his wife and family(?). If his health deteriorates, they will be affected. She's obviously worried and trying hard. Like another poster suggested, I would drop it "accidentally".

What are his health concerns, do you know?

It is difficult, he is behaving a bit like a naughty child, but he's being very brazen eating all the junk food in full view. If he was trying to hide it, he'd go out of the office to eat it, well away from view.

His wife obviously trusts you - it seems wrong to betray that trust, but have a word with him first.
Maybe something like "You DO know women talk to each other don't you" as you raise your eyebrows.

I had a flatshare with a student collegue years ago , he was overweight, early 40s, liked his food. But in denial.
At college "I'll just have a sandwich at home"
At home "I just had a salad at college"

Neither were true.He died before his time, I don't think he got past 50

It's not a secret, he hasn't sworn the OP to secrecy, and he's not trying to hide it - his entire office knows he's knocking back 2,000 calories of snacks before he has lunch. I honestly can't see what would be wrong, if the OP considers this woman to be sort of a friend, and if she says "I'm so worried about DH's weight, I don't know what the problem is" in replyg "actually the problem is probably the fact that he's knocking back 2,000 calories of junk before he has lunch."

Ahhh now I'm more conflicted.

His wife is convinced it must be genetic and is talking of seeing doctors to help him. This would be such a waste of time and Money.

He has a young family and his dad died pretty young, and was also huge.

I'm not particularly close with the guy, much closer with the wife.

I honestly think he is clueless, he sees the 11 am can of coke and muffin as just a normal daily treat. Then also jokes about it being dirty burger wensday, fish and chips Friday, bacon butty Monday, its basically treat time several times a day!

Then he has some salad and other stuff after all the junk, I think he genuinely thinks having a salad after junk counter acts it.

If she asks directly, I wouldn't lie, otherwise, keep quiet!

I would tell.

I wouldn't tell, but I'd be laughing behind their backs about the situation.

He doesn't answer to her, and she's not his keeper. If he truly cared about losing weight, he would be eating healthy.

This is something they need to work out themselves.

YOu'd be laughing? At what? the fact that he's too ignorant/in denial to care that he could be killing himself young, leaving his children fatherless? Oh yes, that's hilarious.