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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell work colleagues wife why he remains obese

62 replies

twistedsista · 18/06/2014 18:52

The guy I sit next to at work is pretty unhealthy, will have a can of coke and a muffin for a snack and then at lunch get a burger, crisps and then will eat the reasonably healthy lunch his wife makes.

If anything he shouldnt eat the lunch as he's already consumed far too many calories and its more important what he doesn't eat than what he eats.

Would just ignore this but I'm getting quite friendly with his wife at the gym.

He has health concerns and she is worried about him and has saidna few times she's tried everything to help him loose weight but nothings working. I'm finding it increasingly hard to just nod sympathetically while knowing is gorging himself silly at work.

Should I just stay quiet or tell her?

OP posts:
fifi669 · 18/06/2014 20:17

I would tell her. Stop the circus now, it's wasting everyone's time. She's being taken for a mug and he's eating himself into an early grave.

finishes off bag of wine gums to myself

ElleBellyBeeblebrox · 18/06/2014 20:17

The wife must know, she packs him up a lunch, presume they eat some evening meals together and know what level of exercise he gets. I wouldn't snitch on him.
(I have a very similar situation, my friend at work and her v v overweight partner. She makes his brekkie lunch and dinner, healthy as possible, and he's not losing weight. She knows he sneaks sausage rolls in at work she's not daft!)

sunshinecity17 · 18/06/2014 20:19

It is absolutely none of your business.

Happydaysatlast · 18/06/2014 20:22

He's man adult so can eat what he likes.

Respectfully it's none if your business and I would be livid if my dh was discussing me like this.

VisualiseAHorse · 18/06/2014 20:24

Why on EARTH would you laugh about it? He clearly has an issue that needs to be sorted.

Honestly? I think I would tell her. I would think about how to approach it, maybe have coffee together? And go from there.

PrincessBabyCat · 18/06/2014 20:34

YOu'd be laughing? At what? the fact that he's too ignorant/in denial to care that he could be killing himself young, leaving his children fatherless? Oh yes, that's hilarious.

I'd be laughing at the fact that clearly at home she is riding him to stop, while he is acting like a child and eating junk food at work. She's being hyper controlling and it isn't working. Yes, it's funny because of how ridiculously petty it is.

She is not his mommy. She is not in charge of him. He does not answer to her. He is an adult, who is capable of making his own choices.

If a man did this to a woman, kept riding her about her weight, everyone would be up in arms. In fact, there was a thread that everyone told a woman to LTB because he blocked her from eating a candy bar after she had gained a good bit of weight.

The poor guy is obviously getting hounded at home, seeing as how he's not telling her about his diet at work. Really you should be cheering for him that he found some small bit of freedom from her.

Sorelip · 18/06/2014 20:39

Yes, the fact that he is eating himself into an early grave should be applauded. Ffs.

PrincessBabyCat · 18/06/2014 20:44

Yes, the fact that he is eating himself into an early grave should be applauded. Ffs.

I'm sorry, since when were men children women had to look after? I am of the belief that men are perfectly capable of making their own choices. I see them as equals, not less than me.

If my husband tried controlling my diet I'd be livid. If he went and discussed it with someone else and they tattled on what I ate at work, I'd divorce him.

She's being controlling and she needs to let the poor guy be.

Shelby2010 · 18/06/2014 20:44

We don't know that she is 'hounding' him. All we know is that she goes to the effort of making him a packed lunch which she probably wouldn't bother to do if she knew he was taking the piss & buying lunch as well. If she mentions it again I would suggest he keeps a food diary before seeing any doctors 'because those snacks may add up to more than he thinks', more dropping a hint than dropping him in it.....

PrincessBabyCat · 18/06/2014 20:48

Yes, but weight loss needs to be something he wants to do. People only change when they want to. Right now, for whatever reason, he isn't willing to do it.

If she wasn't hounding him and respecting his choices, he would be fine with telling her what he ate at work. I'm sure she's asked him seeing as how he's not losing weight. He's lying for a reason.

Really, I'd stay out of it.

Even if you did tell her all it would do is cause a row at home, and him continuing to eat at work where she couldn't nag him.

Electriclaundryland · 18/06/2014 20:52

I would have no problems in dobbing him in to his wife. It's not the worst crime in the world and it may help his health.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 18/06/2014 20:55

You could try "Did you see that programme about kids' teeth on Channel 4? I was gobsmacked - seven spoons of sugar in a can of coke"

(Or whatever it is )

He might think he's winging it at the moment and a few treats won't make a difference?
If he does see the GP, it might be the wake-up call he needs.

BrianTheMole · 18/06/2014 20:57

I'd just tell her.

WaitingForMe · 18/06/2014 21:02

If I was the husband and I discovered a colleague had been gossiping about me I'd be making a compliant to HR. Doesn't matter whether it's to the wife or not, it's just not professional.

lucycoco · 18/06/2014 21:33

Why is food addiction, and the inability to take responsibility for your health in this way, considered somehow above criticism?

If this was alcoholism or any other addiction that, yes, does affect your family, especially when this man is lying to his worried wife about it, would people be saying how "livid" they would be that their precious greed was being questioned??

Poor wife, greedy lying selfish man.

Happydaysatlast · 18/06/2014 21:34

I actually am amazed at some if the responses here.

Can you imagine 2 male friends discussing one if their wives weight and the other saying in effect yes mate she's a fat fucker and I see her eat all day, you want to sort this out

Both of you need to mind your business amd for the wife to discuss him like this to you is horrible.

It's his weight and his choice.

If she's worried she should talk to him not you. Massive betrayal.

BananaBumps · 18/06/2014 21:37

Maybe suggest she watch an episode or two of secret eaters, would explain him not losing weight without you having to 'tell' on him.

Trillions · 18/06/2014 21:39

I'd tell her. Say it as if you think she already knows so you can act innocent.

Question for those saying not to tell: would you tell the wife if the guy had a secret drug or alcohol problem?

lucycoco · 18/06/2014 21:39

Happy Days she is worried and she has talked to him, and he's lying to her.

He's eating his burgers and cakes as well as the healthy lunches she's making for him, with his health in mind.

Sorelip · 18/06/2014 21:43

PrincessBabyCat, you have no idea if she is being controlling. None of us are privy to their home life. All we do know is that she prepares his lunch and he eats it, on top of loads of junk, and that she worries about his weight/health. No, men are not children to be mothered by their partners. Who said they were?

As it is OP I wouldn't say anything purely because it could make things unpleasant at work.

Cocolepew · 18/06/2014 21:53

She's worried about his weight impacting on his health , not because his arse looks big.

Lweji · 18/06/2014 22:11

Maybe you should talk to him, instead.

There's nothing she can do if he doesn't want to lose weight. So, if you are worried, about his health or about her concerns, tell him about how worried she is and how it's not fair on her. That he should just be honest with himself and her.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/06/2014 22:12

"He has a young family and his dad died pretty young, and was also huge."
"His wife is convinced it must be genetic and is talking of seeing doctors to help him. This would be such a waste of time and Money."

So basically his wife would like her husband to stay alive and for her children not to be traumatised by the loss of their dad whilst still young. Wow, isn't she a selfish bitch! Hmm

twistedsista, maybe rather than tell her outright, you could suggest that before seeing doctors it might be worth him keeping a food diary? Mention the TV programme 'Secret Eaters' as prompting you to suggest this, and how so many of these people thought they were eating properly but really weren't and how being aware of EVERYTHING they ate made such a difference to them and then they could lose weight. Lay it on with a trowel.

Of course, if he chooses never to note down his cokes, muffins, chips etc. then it'll be no help to him; but if as you say he is indeed "clueless" and if "he genuinely thinks having a salad after junk counter acts it", maybe it could help stop him eating his way to an early grave.

sweetlilacsinspring · 18/06/2014 22:18

I'm with you Princess, I can't believe how sanctimonious people are being! Yes, being overweight is unhealthy but I know a lot of fat people in their 80s and my slim, fit dad dropped down dead aged 67.

There's just no rhyme or reason to it.

Panzee · 18/06/2014 22:22

She's probably trying to get you to tell her what he eats at work.

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