To have a baby, although we can't afford it?

[Justcruisingonthewater]

I turned 33 in May. My husband is 36. Due to untimely bereavements we do own our home outright which certainly isn't a mansion - it's a terraced house with a garden though and is pleasant enough. We've also got a small income from another flat we own and let out.

My husband works in a supermarket and is an assistant manager but doesn't earn much. I did have a professional career but stopped recently. I now want to retrain. I do work as a care assistant but earn a pittance!

Here's the dilemma. If I have a baby before or during retraining we can't afford it strictly speaking. If I have a baby after retraining I'll be 36 and realistically 37 before I can ttc.

So - would we bu to try for a baby soon-ish? Or should we leave it?

If we had waited until we could afford it to have a baby then we would still be waiting now, almost 20 years later.

When I had my first (now 19), we lived in a small 2 bedroom flat in London up 5 flights of stairs with no lift in the building. We were mortgaged to the hilt at that time too. You are in a far more secure position that we were, so I would go for it.

You are still debating whether or not to wait until after your re-training. To that I would just say that whilst I did conceive all three of mine pretty soon after I had hoped to, it did happen much sooner with my first, who was born when I was 28. It took longer when I wanted to try for my third, and she was born when I was 36.

We had our baby at the worst time. We were both unemployed and broke. But it worked out, DH got a job and I got a home office set up while I was pregnant. If you have a baby, you'll make it work even if it's not. :)

Justcruising do you think you may want more than one child?

What if something happens in 2016 such as your DH gets made redundant will you keep waiting?

Mate, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but if you own two properties and both have jobs then you're better off than the vast majority of the country! Get bonking

If you were very young and in rented housing I'd say no, hang on a while, but given everything you've said I see no reason why you should not start trying asap. Good luck!

are you sure you cant afford it?
Sorry to be rude, but surely your DH is on more than minimum wage, and you would get CB at a minimum. Without a mortgage to pay your outgoings can't be enormous? What area are you in? Have you looked at reducing any outgoings?
Try entitled to.com to see if you would get any additional help.
Has DH looked for another job? I am a retail manager, and I was led to believe that supermarkets pay exceedingly well.
Incidentally, the big DIY shops do brilliant salaries.

Your decision OP but I will say:

Babies cost a lot less than you think, especially if you know lots of people with older dc and stuff they're happy to pass on! A colleague gave me a full quinny zapp travel system which was amazing. Breast milk is free and does them for the best part of yr one if ur able and want to do it. Nappies cost loads (does yr dh get a discount?) but buy in bull via kiddicare or special offer at supermarket. You will probably get given enough clothes to get them through and babygros etc are very cheap from supermarket.

The minute I had my ds I thought good god why did I not do this sooner. The bit of my life since I had him has just been in a different league to the 30 odd years before! I've got a v.fulfilling career which seemed the be all and end all before I had ds. I am lucky and it is great, but it's nothing compared to being with my ds :-)

Hth and good luck!

Children don't need lots of money, but they are somehow rather expensive, and more so as they get older. I'd think carefully about career options and budgeting, then TTC once you feel confident you can afford it. (which you probably can)

Do you have any interest in training as a childminder? You might be able to look after your own child and a couple of others, possibly from home.

I do question why you are not able to save a little every month. Try looking on moneysavingexpert.com and try to pull in the purse strings to see how little you can get by on.

After a couple of months of careful budgeting, you might see that it's possible to afford a child.

Go for it, I retrained for 3yrs with 2 aged 1&3. Qualified now they are 4&6 ready to go get a job when my youngest is in full time school. It's hard but worth it if you want the best of both worlds

But at 33 I would not wait to try. Could you cope as a carer for 4 years until your son hits school?

Premonition? Son?

I live in a country with no state support. We only have one child as it is all we can afford. You are very lucky to live in the uk where you are basically paid by the government to have a baby!

Wish I had been paid to have a baby, I'm the uk and somehow missed out on that

in the uk
I am not an entire set of countries.

I thought SMP was standard for all? If this has changed, apologies. I've been gone a fair few years.

Me too, I have 3 DC but no payment.

Thought you meant things like CB.

Erm, I don't know, do you get SMP if you are unemployed?

I got maternity leave from my employer for DD1, and tbh, the 6 months pay didn't really make a dent in what we needed - our funds have come from us (bar of course my 6 months mat and DH's 2 weeks pat).

But I suppose earning maternity leave is being paid to have a baby. Won't be getting maternity pay for this baby though so I guess I'm funding her myself!

There's never really a perfect time financially, for the average person.

People live within their means anyway, people earning twice as much as you could also feel they couldn't afford a child.

People manage.

Yanbu.

Indeed
You'll manage.
At 33 I wouldn't wait.

Oh yeah, YANBU, forgot that part!

I would just go for it.

You might get extra help financially with retraining once you have kids anyway.

I would agree with those saying go for it! You have no mortgage, an income from your rental property and you are heading towards your mid-30's.

You can retrain at any time in the future but as others (including yourself) have pointed out, there is a time restriction on fertility. Yes, chances are that you will hopefully get pregnant straight away, but you have to factor in the chance that it won't happen to your schedule. What if it takes you 2+ years? Or you end up needing fertility treatment which could take months/years. What if you then want another? Would you regret leaving it for that 18 months it took to do your training?
What if you do the training & then have a baby and decide actually you want to be a SAHM? Would you then have to retrain in the future to get back into the field?

Good luck with whatever you do decide - it is not an easy choice either way!

Get to it. I'm 43 and desperate for another but no success in 3 years. The other stuff can wait. Children might not. You'll be working until your 60/70s so will have years to build a career.

Go on now, off to bed.

I often quote this but I read once someone said not to think about how old you'd be when you have your first child, but how old you'd want to be when you have your last child, and work backwards.

So, say you wanted 2 (am assuming that is the average) what is the oldest you'd want to be when having your second? Factor in a 2-3 year age gap (again, am assuming that is the average) and work backwards.

It may be that the age you should try for your first baby turns out to be younger than you think!

Obviously there are all sorts of ifs, buts and maybes in that scenario but I do think considering your age for further children sharpens the mind.

I spent an awful lot of time pondering what age I should be to have my first. Once I'd had my first I had no idea what my earlier self was fannying on about.

There's never a perfect scenario in which to have a baby though some are a hell of a lot worse than others. But there is nothing in your scenario that falls into the 'worse' category to me. I think that's plenty good enough to go for it.