To have a baby, although we can't afford it?

[Justcruisingonthewater]

I turned 33 in May. My husband is 36. Due to untimely bereavements we do own our home outright which certainly isn't a mansion - it's a terraced house with a garden though and is pleasant enough. We've also got a small income from another flat we own and let out.

My husband works in a supermarket and is an assistant manager but doesn't earn much. I did have a professional career but stopped recently. I now want to retrain. I do work as a care assistant but earn a pittance!

Here's the dilemma. If I have a baby before or during retraining we can't afford it strictly speaking. If I have a baby after retraining I'll be 36 and realistically 37 before I can ttc.

So - would we bu to try for a baby soon-ish? Or should we leave it?

We waited until we could afford it, then I got made redundant while pregnant, so in theory we couldn't afford it any more, but we managed.

YANBU. We had no financial security to speak of when we had our first - DH was on a contract and we were renting. We thought we'd crack on as I was horribly broody in case of fertility issues and never looked back. We felt bloody skint at times but no one starved. It was the mortgage that was the killer (when we finally bought a house), and you don't have that worry. So make the most of it.

Don't forget it could take you a year to get pregnant perfectly easily with no problem. That means you'd probably get pregnant at 34 and have your first at nearly 35.

If you start at 36, then a year of trying puts you at 37. If you experience any problems and need any assistance, then you'd be potentially trying to conceive at 38/39.

It can happen on first try, but doesn't for that many people!

Go for it, you will manage fine. If your family has had some untimely deaths then you'll know already that sometimes life is too short to wait.

Good point mouthful, so if op is 33 she's probably got another 30+ years of working vs 10, possibly 15 of decentish fertility barring any complications.

As far as perspective goes that's not a bad one to keep in mind.

Thanks :)

The problem with going back to the better paid job is that I could in theory but I'd need a year out to work off a bad reference (essentially I was accused of something I did not do - horrendous experience) but I had been looking to get out anyway to be honest.

If I could start my course in January 2015 and get pregnant in say, July, I would only need to have a small amount of time back on the course before qualifying and getting a better paid job. That seems easier than starting a new job pregnant and going off on maternity leave and so on.

Of course it could all go wrong but assuming I have a relatively straightforward pregnancy I would be ready to start work in early 2017 with a six month old baby - who won't know we were skint for the first few months of her life! I'd rather that than being broke for four years of a child's life I think, to be honest.

You will never be "ready" to have a baby....don't wait just do it!xxx

How long will your retraining take?

18 months, timetoask :)

I would also try to have the baby as the first priority. Jobs and careers come and go, and one that looks secure might suddenly go in a couple of years' time, then you are in the same position again only with 2 years' less fertile time.

Don't completely follow the starting course - go off - come back timings. Can you do it as a list to show what would happen when? Are you sure you would be able to come back for the 'small amount of time' needed if childcare is going to be a financial problem?

18 months is not long, I would retrain first. Once the baby is here, trust me, it will be extremely difficult to do anything else.

Go for it! You are secure and at 33 I wouldn't (and didn't!) wait - while it's not old in general, in fertility terms you're at the point where sooner is much better than later.

Good luck!

Yes because it would literally be a period of two to three months.

It's hard making lists as I don't know exactly when if get pregnant! But essentially I would start my course January 2015. If I was to do the course as normal I'd qualify summer 2016. I'd be 35 then.

Timetoask this is largely the problem as I'd either be retraining or getting established in a new career. If I want children, and I certainly do, there's just no way around that unfortunately.

Your baby will have a roof over its head and I assume you'll be able to afford bills and food?
Go for it.

if you were to make a rational decision about when to have children no one would ever have any... The other thing is what if at 33 you discover you have an issue - eg fertility problems, miscarriages etc, its a lot easier to know and start getting help at that age than find out when you are 5-6 years older

I think you might also be surprised by how having a child focuses the mind too: Ive spent a lot of my DS life doing professional training and exams when he was a toddler (as well as working) and I am so much more focused, and waste so much less time, because I have to - my training etc has speeded up dramatically!

Somebody else put it well - your career will potentially last until your late 60s. Your fertility has a far more limited span.

You own your own home. Your husband works. You have rental income coming in. GO FOR IT!

Get yourself over for a quick look at the conception threads, and see how best laid plans rarely work out like that

I'm not trying to piss on your bonfire at all, and you may well be an instadiffer. But you may also find it takes longer than you expected to get pregnant.

I can't see anything worth waiting for. Get on with it!

So if you start the course in Jan 2015 you would qualify in summer 2016, is that correct? In that case could you TTC Christmas 2015?

The problem with that is it would mean going for interviews etc whilst noticeably pregnant.

If say go for it now. The thing is until you start trying you won't know if you have any problems. I waited until I was 34 and went on to have six miscarriages before finally having our daughter four months before I turned 40. Now at 41 I'm going through an early menopause. If we had left it any later I doubt we would have our daughter. I'm not saying any of this to scare you the chances are you will be absolutely fine, but if you want children I'd go for it and not wait.

I would go for it now too. Took me nearly 10 years to conceive, so where I had "planned" to start a family late 20's / early 30's at the latest I had my DS when I was 37. I'm 40 this year and we are going to try for number 2. We can't afford it either really, but I want another one and we will manage somehow - you always do. There is never a perfect time and I would say now is much better seeing you are on a career break anyway.

Well I wouldn't be here if my parents had waited to be as secure as you are to have me and my siblings! Get going girl!