Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to continue giving DS what he's always had for lunch

111 replies

mylilyfire · 16/06/2014 22:47

DS has a packed lunch (year 2.) he has a whole meal pitta bread filled with chicken salad, a hard boiled egg, an apple or pear, yoghurt and a home made flapjack.

He is apparently being bullied because of the egg? All the children have been complaining about it smelling. I hate the pressure to comform, he's 7

I don't really want the other children to know it's got to him so I've told him to tell a teacher but he's got quite upset.

WIBU to send it in anyway? To me it's a standard healthy sort of lunch item!

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 16/06/2014 23:35

I am reading it!
I have read it several times now.
I am not clear why the OP says it's bullying!
She doesn't say it has happenend repeatedly, or other than in relation to the food... which a huge majority of people have said stinks and which is frequently commented on for that simple reason.

I then said I was fascinated by the OPs take on this and was accused of being fascinated by her son's distress

You couldn't make this stuff up.

Of course nobody wants to see their child cry and I speak as parent who has had to deal with the bullying of my own children, but I do think that based on the information to hand, and no further clarity on what this purported bullying actually is, it seems as though a mountain has been made out of molehill.

Just my view.

DamnBamboo · 16/06/2014 23:37

I hope your DS feels a little happier OP, whatever the problem is and whatever it takes to sort it out.

basgetti · 16/06/2014 23:38

He sounds lovely OP. I've spent many nights lying awake worrying about my own DS, we had to change his school due to similar issues. I hope things improve for your son soon x

WooWooOwl · 16/06/2014 23:39

Leave out the egg, and if the teasing continues you will know whether it was actual bullying, or if it was just a group of children doing what children do and commenting on something that smells.

Then you will know whether it's worth talking to the teacher about or not.

You may well find that they really were just commenting on on the smelly food, and that your ds is fine at school. It's not about him having confidence. Confident people eat smelly food in offices and other people just start to think that they are selfish, inconsiderate and anti social, or maybe that they lack awareness, not confidence.

ShadyLadyT · 16/06/2014 23:39

Poor little boy. It's grim, seeing your kids upset, and I feel for both of you.

I don't think you are at fault, but it's very possible that the kids who are complaining are at fault either. An egg on a hot day is probably not going to smell that nice. I see where you are coming from about 'not giving in' but you might be looking at it from the wrong perspective: it's not a giving in thing so much if the kids who are making comments are just being honest. I think experiment for a few days without the egg, and then you'll see if the kids were just saying stuff because the smell wasn't nice, or because they aren't nice. I bet it will all settle down. Extra cuddles for your boy. I think save the eggs until he is a lot older. 7 is too little to have to try to be robust with others about your smelly lunchbox.

Original poster

mylilyfire · 16/06/2014 23:40

Bamboo, I did put a question mark after the comment about bullying in the OP and added the word 'apparently.' I thought this explained that I wasn't completely convinced myself - I was quoting my DS who, at 7, isn't yet able to properly articulate himself.

I really don't understand where I've made a mountain out of a molehill, unless you mean just ASKING on here - I haven't even so much as had a little chat with the teacher. I am not trying to be difficult, but how is posting a thread on Mumsnet making a mountain out of a molehill?

Steppe thank you, and others to. It is difficult at times knowing what the 'right' thing is to do!

OP posts:

Original poster

mylilyfire · 16/06/2014 23:42

I don't think it's too bad to be honest Shady :) probably kids being daft. And they are - I know this, but obviously DS doesn't, really.

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 16/06/2014 23:43

As I've said OP, I hope it sorts itself.

FWIW, I am befuddled that you accused another adult of apparently being fascinated by a child in distress! That certainly is a 'mountain out of a molehill', context considered.

I'm not going to fuel this any more, there is little point.

ShadyLadyT · 16/06/2014 23:45

Yes, things loom so large when you are 7. Hope things cheer up, sans oeufs!

ThatVikRinA22 · 16/06/2014 23:46

just as an aside i thought eggs were very high in cholesterol - is it sensible to eat one every single day? even as a child?

eggs do smell very strongly but he needs to learn to show he is not bothered, otherwise it will just become about the brand of crisps he has or the type of drink he has....
kids can be quite cruel and if they know something is getting to someone they can latch on to it.

i would send the egg in when he wants one and maybe try to switch it for something else for some days,

also incidentally very strong smelling foods can illicit quite violent reactions in some kids....some genuinely cant tolerate the smell.
I imagine if i took egg sandwiches to work daily someone would soon say something to me about it.....why not try to vary things a wee bit?

BrianTheMole · 16/06/2014 23:48

I get what you mean op. School made me feel like that too. But, I know its only an egg, but I think if children are given the skills to stand up for themselves, and change things where they can, then thats what makes them happy and like themselves. Rather than bowing down to peer pressure.

My dd is a similar personality type. She likes to take pasta to school sometimes, and some of the children told her not to bring it because it smells. She told me she didn't want to take it anymore because of that, and that made her sad. But having a few things to say back when the other children commented really helped her. And actually the other kids laughed (with her, not at her) when she did. It was nice to see it give her that little bit of extra confidence in herself. I don't think kids that age are generally bullies. They're all still learning themselves and find it difficult to put themselves in the other persons shoes.

Obviously if your ds isn't that bothered about the egg then it doesn't matter anyway. But my dd was bothered about the pasta, but was still prepared not to take it because of peer pressure. I don't think thats good.

Original poster

mylilyfire · 16/06/2014 23:51

It's no biggie the egg in itself :) I'm probably a bit obsessed with them as I'm low carbing and also we have chickens so they're always in abundance round here!

DS has a hot lunch on Friday and Wednesday so I should have said 'when he takes a packed lunch in' :) so one egg, three times a week which is fine I think but obviously I won't send it in.

Bamboo I definitely don't want an argument but I had explained a few times at that point my DS was upset and I wasn't bothered about the egg. You replied saying that the situation "fascinated" you - I fully accept you weren't fascinated by my sons upset but nonetheless I was posting very genuinely because I had dealt with an upset 7 year old and that comment did seem both dismissive and unkind.

Yes, it's a daft thing but I'm sure we all got upset over daft stuff at 7 :) It doesn't mean his upset wasn't real.

OP posts:

ShadyLadyT · 16/06/2014 23:52

I think that advice about eggs and cholesterol has been revised, Vicar.

I like boiled eggs and they are an amazing food. However - Brian, they do smell, it's a fact.

Pumpkinpositive · 16/06/2014 23:52

And yes eggs do smell a bit bit I doubt it's so offensive it's causing mass distress to an entire room of children.

My friend produced an egg from her packed lunch on the train as we were about to set off hill walking. Dear God, that was one of the worst smells I've ever experienced. I nagged and nagged until she tossed it away uneaten.

I can well believe an egg that's been sitting in a lunch box for hours could produce a highly noxious aroma.

Original poster

mylilyfire · 16/06/2014 23:53

We've established DS will not be sent to school with an egg :)

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 16/06/2014 23:54

A 7 year olds upset is very real and of course needs to managed carefully. I find that personally, I am reeling from my children's upset, long after they have got over it! (most annoying actually)

You also do the wednesday roast and funday friday I see

BrianTheMole · 17/06/2014 00:00

I'm sure they do smell a bit shady. I didn't say they didn't. It really depends how offensive it is though. I can't imagine they would be that bad on a normal day, although on a hot day, yes, they might be a little overpowering.

gamescompendium · 17/06/2014 00:14

Where is this alternative world where eggs smell? I've never heard anyone say eggs smell before (except eggs that are off obviously), this seems to be a thread of egg haters.

There are so many fussy people that don't like the smell of cheese or fish or lamb or garlic. They ned to learn to make rude comment, if your son eats a sensible diet it shouldn't be dictated by fussy eaters who 'don't like the smell".

OP, if your DS is upset it's bullying. Speak to school about it. There will always be ignorant people who don't know it's rude to make personal comments (and being rude about someone's lunch is a personal comment), as your son grows older he'll learn to deal with it but for now the bullies need to be taught it's not Ok to upset someone.

zzzzz · 17/06/2014 00:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MardyBra · 17/06/2014 07:28

Just RTFT so late to the party. Glad to see you have come up with a strategy OP.

however as I was reading through, I got increasingly incensed by Bamboo's comments. There really is no need for comments like "You are very precious OP and clearly like to see too much into things.
You need to chill out." I see you're back-pedalling furiously now though.

Waltonswatcher · 17/06/2014 07:30

My kids got ripped to shreds for lychees , rolls baked with a cheese topping , olives , cous cous and spelt .
It was not about smell , just kids being kids at their worst .
We then stopped putting anything too different in .
My dd now 14 proudly takes in anything and let's rip if anyone says anything - she wears it like a complement .

Delphiniumsblue · 17/06/2014 07:34

They are in close proximity for lunch and eggs smell. Some children will find them off putting.

lougle · 17/06/2014 07:36

Eggs
Scampi and lemon Nik Nags
Tuna

All banned by consensus in my form class in school, back in the '90s. Because they all stank the room out for at least an hour.

Conkie · 17/06/2014 07:38

My mum gave me egg sandwiches at school once and I was bullied until the day I left because of it. I am not joking either. Drop the egg

Thumbwitch · 17/06/2014 07:38

Glad you have decided to leave the egg out - I think that it's the only way to see if the other children are indeed reacting to the smell of the egg (which, if you don't like eggs, is REALLY unpleasant, by the way, whatever you might think of it) or if they're just looking for an excuse to pick on him.

If it's the former, then best to leave the boiled eggs out of his lunch from now on; if it turns out to be the latter then you will have to have a word with the teachers and re-think your strategy on how to deal with the situation.

What would happen if you gave him egg mayo in his bread instead of the chicken salad for a change? It still smells, but not generally as badly as a hard boiled egg, IME.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5