to continue giving DS what he's always had for lunch

[mylilyfire]

DS has a packed lunch (year 2.) he has a whole meal pitta bread filled with chicken salad, a hard boiled egg, an apple or pear, yoghurt and a home made flapjack.

He is apparently being bullied because of the egg? All the children have been complaining about it smelling. I hate the pressure to comform, he's 7

I don't really want the other children to know it's got to him so I've told him to tell a teacher but he's got quite upset.

WIBU to send it in anyway? To me it's a standard healthy sort of lunch item!

If it is bullying it would be occuring when the egg is not present -ie at other times. Though obviously what has happend isnt nice at all for your son. My DS is not quiet but quite sensitive and can get upset about this type of thing.

Its ok for many other posters to wade in who may be the parent of a more robust charactered child - you know the type that can confidently shrug things off and therefore minimise this.

the fart thing is true

You are very precious OP and clearly like to see too much into things.
You need to chill out.

Look, my son cried today.

I haven't gone storming into school, I haven't shot accusations left right and centre, I haven't barged into the homes of the mums and dads demanding to know why their child upset my son.

But, he was genuinely very upset about this. He only opened up after a lot of encouragement and then the floodgates opened. It was bloody horrible for me to tell you the truth - and maybe I am overthinking it, but as I say this was almost exactly what happened to me, something small, something stupid.

I imagine most of you are parents - would you really not be a bit upset if your son or daughter was sobbing after school, even if the reason is stupid, his upset was very real and before anyone says I encouraged it, I certainly didn't. I said it was very silly to make unkind comments but not to worry about it, or words to that effect.

Anyway in the time I've typed this I've probably got several alternatives as to the time of day I can feed my son eggs but I'm not bothered if he eats them or not, I AM bothered that he's upset, it really is as simple as that.

Well, does he want the egg every day? If he does, leave it in and tell him to tell the others to mind their own beeswax. If he doesn't want it, then change it.

It's a ritual in every school I've taught in to hold your nose and make silly comments when someone has egg or egg sandwiches.

Sorry your son was so upset. I understand not wanting to 'give in' but I think if it would make his life a bit easier then it's best not to send him with an egg. They may still find things to pick on but at least that won't be one of them.

It certainly is tinpin. I doubt they are being malicious.
I think you need to try and equip your ds with the skills to brush the comments off op. Do a bit of roleplay with him. I do that with my dc when somethings upsetting them. It seems to give them a bit more confidence.

Mylilyfire-of course it's upsetting to see your child upset.

What does he want to do? Whatever it is, do that.

I think there is a sliding scale.

If my child was upset because

1. they had glasses or red hair or freckles- there's nothing I can do about that, it is bullying and it has to be stopped
2. they don't have the 'right' clothes or accessories- again, bullying, although I can do something about that (more of a dilemma)
3. they had a sandwich that smells- I would pick my battles and give him something else.

It's not conforming and there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's okay not to take the battles of the world on your shoulders, especially over things like sandwiches.

Send him in without the egg, if the same children start making silly comments about something else, then you'll know there is a problem.

Hopefully it was just children stating the obvious- the egg is smelly- and your son isn't being bullied

I agree with those saying leave it out. My DD likes cheese and onion sandwiches...I wouldn't pack them though! Once foods like this have sat for three hours in a warm cloakroom, the pong is antisocial.

This reminds me of a first date I had decades ago when I ordered a particularly stinky Vietnamese fish dish at one of my favourite restaurants. My date was shocked that I had the balls to order something so smelly. But it was divine - I loved that dish! Btw, he ended up becoming a long-term boyfriend and never let me forget what he considered a first date faux pas. That said, it's also probably the kind of behaviour that impressed him - I wanted the dish I wanted and didn't give a damn how stinky it was!

OP - save the boiled eggs for home until DS is more confident in standing up for himself and his love of stinky foods!

It's bullying. It's not about the egg at all. Talk to the teacher.

Op I totally get it. We are close friends with another family. I know my DS gets upset over things their DS doesnt and would probably think my DS is being a 'wuss' whereas I sometimes think their DS is immature.

But I see them deal with it - they deal with it, they do what they need to do which is very different to how I deal with my DS when he is upset or whatever. The two get on great btw

Please deal with your son as you see fit. Like I said its allright for posters to say what they think when they have a littel toughie - like my DD for example but not for us who have DS's who need a bit nore tact and tlc - for want of a better way of putting it.

Please dont feel bad.

Precious? Behave!

It's not nice when your child is upset, id think the majority of parents would find their child crying about it upsetting

You know your son op, does he want to continue taking it? Do you think he is confident enough to learn to shrug it offer or not. If yes then leave it in, if not take it out

I agree with leaving out the egg, they are smelly.

I hate eating egg sandwiches in a break room or similar.

You can then see if this is a deeper issue or just banter about smelly food.

No problem at all with leaving the egg out :) I just was genuinely concerned about worsening the situation by mistake.

If he feels its bullying, it is bulling

I think you are projecting from your own experience

This is an opportunity for you to help your ds deal with his own problem. In all likelihood the missing egg will be commented on once. Give him some good comebacks if anyone is really nasty.

With ds I will speak to the teacher if the issue occurs three times (or first time if it is physical) and ds has always managed to resolve it himself. He isn't naturally confrontational and doesn't really understand unkind behaviour so probably quite similar to your ds.

DamnBamboo, why have you made so many replies to a thread you're not actually reading? OP's concerns make sense, she's not being "precious".

OP, if the kids are friendly the rest of the time I don't think it will cause problems. If they're mean all the time it is bullying.

"If he feels its bullying, it is bulling"

Not always true.

I don't know if he does or not Ralph. He's a bit down at the moment anyway (not school related) but I can imagine the egg thing was an icing on the cake moment, or egg on the salad to be more apt ...

I did try role play with him once, and it didn't work because he can't force it :) he is by nature a quiet, sensitive, but very thoughtful and sweet little boy. He is a wonderful little boy and I'm confident he'll grow into an incredibly caring, wonderful man. And I want him to be proud of who he is. I grew up hating who I was because of school and although I most probably AM over thinking it, I do worry about my DS feeling the same.

So all my worries and concerns are valid but it's not as if I'm stomping about being precious or timing the day rigidly as to when DS can have an egg!

I totally get where you are coming from OP.

Kids are childish about' smelly' foods and egg is one of them so yes, easiest to leave it out, at least for now - not necess forever though.

If he is still coming home upset (I think you said he was sans egg today and still in tears?) then, yes, it isn't 'just' the egg.

Give it a few days. If it isn't settled certainly speak to the school.
Be careful your experience of bullying doesn't cloud this (been in exactly the same position and it is hard not to do!)

Good luck.x

I do understand what you are saying about 'giving in' to bullies, but I think that probably depends on the situation, and it is a bit hard to tell. He is upset, because of teasing. But it is hard to know (for him and for you) if the teasing is just about a smell, or is something more.

(can I just say that I am amazed at all this stinky egg stuff, I like eggs and don't think they smell )

Kids senses tend to be stronger than adults and they will be silly/overreact to smells, but it can be a simple as that.

When I was teaching we had a child in the class who smelt, very poor home situation, dirty smelly child. The others complained, were unkind, wouldn't go near him. Periodically social services went in and cleaned the family up. For a couple of weeks afterwards the class accepted him and played with him, no comments, or anything. As the smell returned, the kids pulled away. The teasing was simply the smell, and I think that is quite common.

I think that some kids like to go against the crowd. One boy in dds class has shoulder length blonde curls. He is the only one in the school with long hair. He likes to take a stand on something and not worry about what others think (he would take in the egg and eat it with a flourish). Others are very aware of 'fitting in' and want everything to be the same as everyone else so they don't stand out. ds is like this, to my surprise. He wouldn't take a hat on a school trip until he got to school and found that others were actually wearing them. Ds would remove the egg from his lunchbox and hide it, so as to be the same as everyone else.

With a child like this, I will go a long way to help them do what they want to fit in. They feel more comfortable, which then boosts their confidence, so that at some point they will take a stand on something they feel strongly about.
Let ds choose what he feels comfortable with.