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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just want to go home...AIBU?

70 replies

Wanttocomehome · 16/06/2014 11:11

I am 17 weeks pregnant. DH and I have been on holiday so far for two weeks. The first week of the holiday I spent in and out of hospital with pneumonia that I brought via a chest infection from home. We are at the end of the second week now and I am exhausted, still recovering and getting preggy symptoms like heartburn, pelvis/hip/back pain, constipation.

I really just want to go home, but DH has arranged another week in another city (same country), another budget hotel. We supposedly fly tomorrow.

I have asked him several times before this if we can just go home (all flights/hotels are cancellable/refundable) but DH is extremely upset with me. He is saying that I am snubbing the holiday he has given me and that I am well now so I should just be enjoying it. He has arranged multiple dinners with friends in this other city who he hasn't seen for years and I think he really wanted to introduce them to me/announce pregnancy etc.

I am "well" but I am exhausted. It tAkes a long time to get over pneumonia, and the last thing I want are these hard beds which cause me pain so I wake frequently in the night and eating out of the mini bar because I'm too tired to go out. More expensive hotels are not an option.

He says that I am being a hypochondriac and a "victim" now and blaming my inability to do anything on pregnancy. The thing is, it's true! I am finding it hard to eat/sleep and I am so tired too. I am too hot and I put the air conditioning on in the room, but then DH gets too cold and switches it off. We are supposedly having a beach holiday but every day for the last few days has been massive humidity and storms, so we are in the room a lot together and at loggerheads.

I said I will go back without him so he can enjoy the holiday and he says that's a huge insult and attention seeking of me.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 16/06/2014 11:17

I suspect you are both right to some extent. Is there a compromise you can reach? Stay away but build in more relaxing and recuperating time for you?

PrimalLass · 16/06/2014 11:18

I would go home and change the locks. He sounds awful.

TweedleDi · 16/06/2014 11:19

He is being incredibly selfish. His wife's and unborn child's welfare should be top of his priority list.

MrsCosmopilite · 16/06/2014 11:20

He is.

I was very fortunate to have a healthy pregnancy that did not entail me making changes to anything, other than in the last 6 weeks when I felt tired and heavy all the time and stopped doing social stuff.

You've just got over pneumonia. Tell him to sod off :)

AMumInScotland · 16/06/2014 11:20

He is BU. I'm staggered that anyone whose partner has been in and out of hospital would even think to extend the 'holiday' and not just instantly take you home!

Put your foot down. Stop asking him to take you home and tell him you are going and that if he puts his feelings of being 'insulted' above your pregnancy and pneumonia then he needn't bother coming back himself when he's finished seeing all his old friends.

sonlypuppyfat · 16/06/2014 11:25

Put up and shut up, that seems to be his argument. He's not much of a partner is he? Get your passport and go home.

WeirdCatLady · 16/06/2014 11:44

Good grief, he's a charmer isn't he??

I'd be telling him exactly how bad you feel, and that you plan to go home tomorrow so you can rest. If he doesn't like it he can fuck off.

sonlypuppyfat · 16/06/2014 11:49

Imagine how nice your own bed will feel.

ballsballsballs · 16/06/2014 11:49

He is very U. Does he usually ride roughshod over your needs?

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 16/06/2014 11:50

Pneumonia puts such pressure on all your systems, not just the lungs, it can take ages to recover and feel 'right' from it. Never mind the added strain of pregnancy on the body to be adding to it.

He is being v unreasonable and really quite selfish. I'd book my tickets home (with or without him) you need rest and recuperation and traveling and enforced socialisation isn't going to allow you to do that.

HolgerDanske · 16/06/2014 11:51

Wow if he's like this now I despair to think what he might be like when baby comes along :-(

Definitely go home tomorrow. I don't actually think you need his permission, and you have been very unwell. You need to go home and get better.

Subtext · 16/06/2014 11:53

You've just had pneumonia! And you're pregnant!

So much for 'in sickness and in health'.

I'd love to see how willing he was to go out socialising with strangers in a foreign city if the tables were turned.

Go home. Leave him there.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 16/06/2014 11:54

You have the bad luck to be married to a selfish twat. YANBU he is BVVVVVVVVVVU.

Christwaddle · 16/06/2014 11:55

Fucking hell.
Do men like this really exist!?
Leave.
Go home.
Let him go on if he wants to.
Twat.

HumphreyCobbler · 16/06/2014 11:58

He is being a complete shit.
Channel your righteous anger.
Milking it? You have been desperately ill ffs! How dare he accuse you of using your pg as an excuse. It is a bloody good REASON for going home, not an excuse.

I would just fuck off home tbh.

HolgerDanske · 16/06/2014 12:00

And think hard about some spring cleaning before baby comes :-(

Sorry, I don't want to make you feel worse but this is an indication of worse things to come.

TurtleyAmazing · 16/06/2014 12:03

I can see where you are both coming from. In 23-25 weeks the opportunity to just be alone together and do stuff as a couple will be rare. It's not unusual to want to make the most out of the time you have now so to speak.

I had quite a tough pregnancy and was really ill. we went to a hotel for one night and i ended up in hospital for 3 days on a drip so i can totally understand why you want to go home. And personally i think you should go home. This isn't just a cold you have had. seriously go home and rest up.

best wishes.

MoominAndMiniMoom · 16/06/2014 12:04

TeenageMutant what exactly is he right about? What part of keeping your sick pregnant wife on holiday when she doesn't want to be, when sleeping on the hard beds is making her uncomfortable, when she's been in hospital with a serious illness - and then booking an extra week! - and telling her she's 'attention seeking' and being a victim is right?

Chipandspuds · 16/06/2014 12:05

Sorry bit he does sound very selfish.

You need to put yourself first, not him. You've just got out of hospital with pneumonia for goodness sake as well as being pregnant!

You need someone to be taking care of you - making you food, fetching you drinks, doing any jobs. You should be recuperating and having afternoon naps and early nights!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 16/06/2014 12:06

YANBU, he sounds completely selfish, he should be taling care of you.

Is he always this unsympathetic to your needs? What's going to happen when you're heavily pregnant and can't move around as much, have heartburn and aren't sleeping? What about when you have the baby? Will he be accusing you of doing nothing all day?

It doesn't sound good OP.

SuchSweetSorrow · 16/06/2014 12:11

Bloody hell, no YANBU

Seriously, get yourself home. I would be having serious concerns about how he is going to be when your baby is here (and late pregnancy!)- I can't quite believe anyone would be so selfish to their pregnant wife's needs!

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 16/06/2014 12:13

You have just got out of hospital after pneumonia.

You have just got out of hospital after pneumonia!!!

That's a serious illness - jesus even if you weren't pregnant a decent partner would have booked flights home immediately so that you could recover!!

This is ALL ABOUT HIM. He's a selfish turd.

This does not bode well for when the baby comes. Go home, recover and have a serious think about the future - main thing, make sure you talk to trusted family/friends about this situation and try and put in place support for when the baby is born. Somehow I have a feeling it'll be tantrum time for Mr. MeMeMe as soon as his wants arent coming first.

OnlyLovers · 16/06/2014 12:14

He's a wanker, obviously. Imagine if it were the other way round. What would he say if you forced him to go out and socialise with old friends of yours and sleep in uncomfortable beds?

Please go home. Fuck him. 'attention seeking' Hmm. How dare he.

StanleyLambchop · 16/06/2014 12:16

My dd had pneumonia, it took her weeks to get over it, and she had several relapses in that time. You are also pregnant so that adds to the strain on your body.

Your DH is being really awful to suggest you are milking it. Is this his home country that you are holidaying in? That is perhaps the only tiny slither of understanding I might have for him, that he is 'home' and wants to make the most of it before the baby comes. It is still a shitty attitude though, illness is a fact of life and it can't be helped, no matter how inconvenient it may be to him personally. I would just go home myself in your position. Are you well enough to travel by yourself?

PuppyMonkey · 16/06/2014 12:36

My sister had pneumonia in December and is still trying to recover properly. She wasn't pregnant like you either. Oh yes and she was re admitted to hospital when she tried to go back to work too early. Go home and rest and LTB while you're at it.