Just want to go home...AIBU?

[Wanttocomehome]

I am 17 weeks pregnant. DH and I have been on holiday so far for two weeks. The first week of the holiday I spent in and out of hospital with pneumonia that I brought via a chest infection from home. We are at the end of the second week now and I am exhausted, still recovering and getting preggy symptoms like heartburn, pelvis/hip/back pain, constipation.

I really just want to go home, but DH has arranged another week in another city (same country), another budget hotel. We supposedly fly tomorrow.

I have asked him several times before this if we can just go home (all flights/hotels are cancellable/refundable) but DH is extremely upset with me. He is saying that I am snubbing the holiday he has given me and that I am well now so I should just be enjoying it. He has arranged multiple dinners with friends in this other city who he hasn't seen for years and I think he really wanted to introduce them to me/announce pregnancy etc.

I am "well" but I am exhausted. It tAkes a long time to get over pneumonia, and the last thing I want are these hard beds which cause me pain so I wake frequently in the night and eating out of the mini bar because I'm too tired to go out. More expensive hotels are not an option.

He says that I am being a hypochondriac and a "victim" now and blaming my inability to do anything on pregnancy. The thing is, it's true! I am finding it hard to eat/sleep and I am so tired too. I am too hot and I put the air conditioning on in the room, but then DH gets too cold and switches it off. We are supposedly having a beach holiday but every day for the last few days has been massive humidity and storms, so we are in the room a lot together and at loggerheads.

I said I will go back without him so he can enjoy the holiday and he says that's a huge insult and attention seeking of me.

Who is BU?

[summertimeandthelivingiseasy]

Glad you are going home - it sounds like he was in denial and has now woken up.

Any one pregnant and just having had pneumonia would have felt the same.

[ShineSmile]

Yadnbu. I must say you need to put your foot down with him. Seriously it gets a lot worse after the baby comes, and you really will need support and help from him then.

[KatieKaye]

So glad you will soon be home. Hope your DH has had a reality checks and starts behaving like a man, and not a spoilt brat!
Take care of yourself and take things very easy.

[mrsspagbol]

What was his reaction nosy

[hippo123]

Excellent!

[thebodylovesspring]

Gosh, he must have been totally shocked into being sensible by the comments on this thread.

Being charitable I would say he was scared when you were ill, maybe scared of the responsibility of the coming baby and wanted to have 'one last holiday' just the two of you before the chaos of a tiny baby ensues.

Hopefully op he will now understand and realise he was being daft and selfish and all will be fine going forward.

Best of luck with everything.

[mumofthemonsters808]

If this was me I'd just take myself off home, I would not even bother arguing with him, you have tried and it appears that all he cares about is himself.

[OnlyLovers]

Good! he's still an arse

Get well soon OP.

[SouthernComforts]

Glad to hear it. Go home and rest!

[TheCraicDealer]

[Wanttocomehome]

I showed him this thread... We are leaving tonight!

[hippo123]

Your being more than reasonable by agreeing that he can continue his holiday alone. Book a flight, get a friend or family member to meet you at the airport and come home. I had pneumonia, it took me about 9 months to feel normal again. I also did to much to soon after finally getting out of hospital and was readmitted. You need rest and tlc, which clearly your dh isn't going to give you.

[TheCraicDealer]

...even turns the air con off when you (the ill, pregnant one who REALLY shouldn't be overheating) are really hot, because he's cold?!

YY- tell him to put a fucking jumper on.

[QuizzicalCat]

You've just had pneumonia, you're pregnant, he wants you to keep travelling and socialising and he even turns the air con off when you (the ill, pregnant one who REALLY shouldn't be overheating) are really hot, because he's cold?!

Go home op, at least then you can look after yourself, not only is he not looking after you, he's preventing you looking after yourself.

[Pumpkinpositive]

If he's like this with his wife, what's he going to be like with a couple of puking, screaming kids coming down with the usual assortment of childhood illnesses at the most inopportune times?

Good luck with that!

[TheCraicDealer]

Get on a flight home. This is the type of event credit cards are for!

Pneumonia is no joke; a colleague's mum passed away very suddenly in her sleep in her late 50's this year because of it, didn't even know she had it. You need to be recuperating, not being shuffled about like some sort of fecund trophy. Take it easy and get home.

[whatever5]

I can't believe that he is calling you a hypochondriac when you have just had pneumonia as well as being pregnant. Is he normally incredibly selfish or is he just very thick/ignorant?

[Topseyt]

Wow. He is a selfish arsehole. I had pneumonia whilst pregnant with my second daughter. It took months to recover fully.

Get yourself back home to rest and recover. Ditch the twat along the way too. He is clearly pretty arrogant and stupid. Not good father or husband material.

[LayMeDown]

You do know OP that you are allowed to come home without his permssion or even his approval? You do know that he has no right to force you through bullying and emotional blackmail to do something that you dont want to and which is detrimental to your health.
You are a grown woman. Have you access to your passport and to money? If he can book an extra week with social events attahced without discussing it with you then you can fucking well book a ticket home for yourself.
Tell him you are going, that you are to sick to be away from home and you are disappointed that he is so inconsiderate of you and how you are feeling. Then get home. And tell him to have a long hard look at himself and his selfish attitude before he rocks up home himself.

[FengMa]

HIM.

Jeeeeeeeesus.

[restandpeace]

Hes a knob, seriously. Your pregnant, full stop. On top of that you have been really ill. Go home.

[MammaTJ]

As someone who has been wiped to the floor by a urine infection, who is not pregnant and sleeping in my own bed, YANBU!

I want to send a personal jet to come and get you and take you home and tuck you up in your own bed. However, in the real world, I do not have the necessary jet!

Could you go home and leave him to have his fun?

[Albiebee]

I'm assuming it's your first pregnancy and maybe, just maybe that excuses some of his behaviour, it can be a bit of a shock all around to realise just how difficult and potentially life threatening a pregnancy can be, my OH was a bit rubbish to begin with.

Yet... pneumonia? come on. get yourself home and tucked up, your priority is you and your pregnancy. His priorities seriously need sorting out. It's deeply unpleasant and controlling to deny someone help when they are ill and then tell them they are attention seeking.

tbh he sounds like a bastard

[silveroldie2]

Unbelievably awful behaviour by your 'D'H. Book a flight, tell him you are going, no discussion required, and go home.

Hope you feel better very soon.

[KoalaDownUnder]

He is selfish, unreasonable fucker.

I'm so sorry! Do not let him convince you that YABU. You ABSOLUTELY are not.