Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think was a a bit wrong.

264 replies

Canthisonebeused · 16/06/2014 09:35

Not sure why but this doesn't sit right with me, what are others thoughts. It's not a big deal but did bother me a bit.

7 and 8 year old girls doing handstands and cartwheels in the playground at school. Boys being silly laughing at their pants and did not die down after being told not to by playground staff. Therefore girls are sent in to put PE shorts on under their dresses.

I just think they are little girls FFS who care if their pants are showing and the boys should have been delt with. I just don't think it's a good message to sent to girls.

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 16/06/2014 10:55

Thinking about it more, yes it's a social convention not to show underwear (across genders and ages), but it's also a social convention not to look/point/laugh if someone does (e.g. sportsmen and women, someone whose skirt blows up in the wind or who falls and exposes underwear).

The boys need to be taught this convention, surely?

WeddedBliss · 16/06/2014 10:58

And if that was happening at home, I would do the same. Not possible in a soft play party, unless you want to leave...which I wouldn't do unless there was bad behaviour, which there wasn't. There was 6 year old silliness.

I do find the 'dealing with it properly' comment hard to understand, hence I've asked for clarification. That could mean a range of things to different people, from asking them to go and play somewhere else to suspending them for three days. A mind reader I am not.

WeddedBliss · 16/06/2014 11:00

I agree OnlyLovers. Which to me is telling the laughing dc to disperse, calm down, go away and play. Not sitting them down and having serious conversations about acceptable behaviour, or punishing them.

Likewise, I would expect dc who were flashing their underwear to stop.

Original poster
Canthisonebeused · 16/06/2014 11:01

And in actual fact I have not once said dealt with sternly, punished and in fact I never even said dealt with properly I suggested a little firmer or reasonable enough to move them on.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/06/2014 11:05

Funny to read this - it's just reminded me of how they dealt with this when we were little. We got told our dresses falling down over our eyes was dangerous and we should wear trousers.

Wouldn't that have been a nicer way to deal with it? Rather than making the girls feel self-conscious? (And the boys should be taught they were being rude, obviously).

MargotLovedTom · 16/06/2014 11:05

Of course it's about boys and girls - I don't think a group of girls would point and snigger at another group of girls doing handstands thus showing their underwear.

And yes, I do think the boys were hassling them. Pointing, laughing, interrupting the flow of their play - that's hassling in my book. I would've removed the boys from the situation in this case, after they had already been asked to stop but didn't.

Mim78 · 16/06/2014 11:12

I'm with you entirely op. They are little girls and should not have to fee. Uncomfortable. The boys should have been told more firmly to leave them alone.

Message sent here was girls should cover up or you can do as you please.

Really shocked by the responses here.

WeddedBliss · 16/06/2014 11:16

Of course it's about boys and girls - I don't think a group of girls would point and snigger at another group of girls doing handstands thus showing their underwear

Oh God, really? Hmm

Because 7 year old girls are prim, proper and couldn't possibly find anything inappropriate amusing?

I can only assume you have no children/very young children atm tbh and haven't spent that much time around 7 year olds. ALL children find underwear amusing at that age IME.

Mim78 · 16/06/2014 11:18

Also though it may be more sensible if uniform for all children was shorts as there are many other ways in which skirts are impracticle.

MargotLovedTom · 16/06/2014 11:28

Don't be so patronising, I have my own 7 year old actually and another two, I know full well what children are like. The girls wouldn't be pointing and laughing because they'd probably be playing the game themselves.

Are you trying to tell me if you were in charge of a bunch of boys in a park and they stood and laughed at a group of girls doing handstands because their knickers were showing then you wouldn't pull the boys away and tell them to leave the girls alone? Or would you sit there thinking "Well it's the girls' fault because of what they're wearing so sod it? ".

Jesus, no wonder things are so screwed up for women if this is the message they get when they're only seven bloody years old. Obviously nothing changes.

ClockWatchingLady · 16/06/2014 11:37

Jesus, no wonder things are so screwed up for women if this is the message they get when they're only seven bloody years old.

^^ This.

I'm genuinely really surprised by all the YABUs on this thread.

WeddedBliss · 16/06/2014 11:38

Wow. You have a major chip on your shoulder Margot.

Apologies for being patronising, but when someone insists that 7 year old girls don't find underwear (or boobs/bums/farts or anything else 'inappropriate) then I tend to assume that this is the opinion of someone who doesn't have much experience of 7 year olds. Unless of course the 7 year old girls I know are just unusually debauched and this is not the norm in the rest of the country.

Again, I don't know how many times I have to say, I don't think it's anything to do with girls or boys. If ANY group of children we laughing at another group flashing their pants (whether accidently or on purpose), I'd tell the laughing ones to go away and play and tell the flashing ones to cover up/stop.

If you choose to read into that that i'm clearly encouraging future rapists in the 7 year olds who are laughing, that says a lot more about your skewed view than mine.

diaimchlo · 16/06/2014 11:41

Iam totally with OwlCapone on this one. Loved the 70s, children were allowed to be children Smile

YANBU at all OP

ConferencePear · 16/06/2014 11:46

As someone has already said this wouldn't have caused a problem in the 70s. We are going backwards.

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 16/06/2014 11:47

Yanbu. Perhaps girls should be encouraged to wear gym knickers over their underwear if they wish to wear a dress/skirt. My mum assures me this was the done thing when she was a child. Yes, they are not much bigger than knickers and are obviously shorter than shorts. But then they become uniform rather than underwear.

Bunnyjo · 16/06/2014 11:50

DD is in Year 2 and wearing a summer school dress at the moment, as is pretty much every girl in her class.

I find it ridiculous that people are suggesting that the girls should be told to wear shorts because the boys cannot control themselves. What kind of message does that send to young and impressionable children - that if males cannot control themselves, then females must adjust themselves/their behaviour accordingly?!

As the mother of a nearly 7 year-old girl, I find that thought frightening and depressing.

Sixgeese · 16/06/2014 11:52

The boys shouldn't be laughing, but I think it happens all the time. My DS laughs at lots of things as a adult I wouldn't laugh at, because he is a child and learning what is appropriate to laugh at is all part of growing up.

DD1 and her friends get laughed at (or picked on) for showing their pants at school while sitting crossed legged in the classroom or hanging upside down on the climbing frame. The style for school gingham dresses seem so short this year, DD1 has asked for (and I have bought) some white shorts to wear under her dress. So she can play happily without being teased. About half a dozen other parents in her class have done the same.

comedycentral · 16/06/2014 12:04

Knickers are funny to little boys! Underwear in general really. They are only little children.
I think the problem is the clothing really, why is uniform so restrictive?

OwlCapone · 16/06/2014 12:23

I can only assume you have no children/very young children atm tbh and haven't spent that much time around 7 year olds. ALL children find underwear amusing at that age IME.

How ridiculous. My just turned 8 yr old girl doesn't find underwear amusing, she thinks it's a item of clothing. She doesn't care if this item of clothing is shown whilst she is doing cartwheels or handstands or when sitting cross legged on the carpet.

OwlCapone · 16/06/2014 12:26

Can someone please confirm that they are saying females should modify their attire in order to modify the behaviour of males? Because that is what is appears to boil down to.

If girls laughed at boys knees, would you make the boys put trousers on rather than shorts or would you tell the girls to stop it?

OwlCapone · 16/06/2014 12:28

So, just because there are books deliberately written in an amusing way about pants, you think it is OK for one group of children to laugh at another group for simply playing?

Really?

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 16/06/2014 12:30

YANBU OP.

There is an element of the victim blaming going on here which is nasty. Like telling young girls not to wear short skirts or whatever the hell they like as they will look like they're fair game.

I know it's not at that level but it looks as if it's starting already.

comedycentral · 16/06/2014 12:34

They aren't laughing at them for playing, they are laughing because they can see their pants. For some children pants are funny. Why are pants funny? I don't know! They just are to some children.

All the children in this story are just acting like children, the only thing that needs to happen here is the dinner assistant/teacher or whoever needs to tell the boys to leave the girls to play and maybe a light challenge about why pants are so funny.

To look at a bigger picture though, I think that the idea of boys uniform and girls uniform needs to be challenged, what about just uniform that is suitable for the job? For playing, learning in.

I actually have no idea why high school kids wear what are essentially suits to school every day. When you see them playing footie on their lunch in blazers and shirts and ties it makes me frown. School uniform should be more suitable for school activity.

ScarlettDragon · 16/06/2014 12:40

I agree with you OP. But then I'm of those Rad Fems that think dresses were invented to keep women in their place - hence little girls not being able to do handstands without showing their knickers.

My dds tend to wear trousers or shorts for school and woe betide anyone who tells them they can't. But occasionally dd2 likes to wear school summer dresses as it's much cooler. She usually wears shorts underneath for this very reason. (I've found Primark do great little beach shorts for kids for about £3).