AIBU to want to let the school know?

[macdoodle]

Nightmare at the village fete.
I live in a small village with a small primary school of about 100 pupils, feeding into a very large local secondary school (160 in my DD1's year 7 year group).
Today was the village fete, mostly locals. But large groups of secondary children from other villages and some city areas. My DD1's age and year above mostly.
My daughter's best friend (C) has an older sister (O) with severe autism, her mum had brought her and she had been coping well with the noise and people.
Until........apparantly one of the local year 8 girls, started telling the non local year 8 boys, that O was "special" and hated loud noises/hissing.
At which stage a few boys started hissing and clapping near her, her mum (who is very non confrontational) kept moving away, until poor O had a complete melt down and she had massive difficulty getting her out of the field and home At this stage one of said boys (J) was smirking and waving at her.
When they left, the sister C, who I know very well, was very upset crying and distressed. I comforted her and told her to ignore such pathetic behaviour (from J).
I suggested the group of local year 7 girls (including my daughter and C) leave now, and I left with my younger DD2 who is 6.
As we walked down the road, J came running after us, shouting. I turned round to find a group of perhaps 10 children. J said I had called him a "spotty cunt", and it was disgusting a doctor (I am a local GP) had said this, this was told to him by another non local year 8 girl, who apparantly had heard my elder daughter telling someone this!
All in earshot of my 6 year old. To say I was accosted by a gang of teens shouting would not be an understatement!
Luckily I am no shrinking violet, said of course I had said no such thing, told off the girl who had accused me, and the local girl who seemed to have started to whole thing (I know her mother well). I was very cross and told them their behaviour towards O was absolutely disgusting, I did not appreciate being dragged into their childish games, and I had absolutely not said anything of the sort and did not appreciate being accused of it. I then told them all to go home.
My DD1 is adamant she said nothing of the sort.
Do I (1) ignore (2) tell the 2 parents I know (3) email the school
I am a little suspicious that by accusing me of insulting J, they are hoping to take the heat of their own atrocious behaviour.
O is very very distressed, O's mum is upset, and to make it worse, the secondary school is moving to a shiny new build in october where they will be amalgamated with all the special needs schools. I think the school need to be made aware? AIBU?

Gosh sorry didnt realise that would be so long.

This happened outside of school. What are you expecting the school to do? I feel very sorry for your poor friend and her child and it must have been awful but this is not a school matter.

Yes I appreciate that, and have discussed this with O's mum. But it was obvious which school they come from, should they not be aware, so they can perhaps have some group meetings for when the schools amalgamate.

Yes, email the school. At the least it will cover your back in case the story that you called J an insult, and hopefully the school will take extra care with those pupils in the new mixed environment next year.

In case the story grows legs, I meant to say.

I would assume that staff at the school will already be aware of potential issues due to amalgamation and will manage these accordingly.

I think it might be wise to let them know, yes. They might need to keep an eye out for bullying behaviour from this boy if he can't be around SN children without being so horrible.

My advice would be to leave it now. To email the school would sound a bit childish I think like 'he said/she said.

You could also cause your dd some trouble with these nasty kids.

The school will have its own bullying/inclusion policy so they will sort out any future problems.

How horrible for you all though. Nasty nasty kids.

In these circumstances I would send a note to the Head.

I think, to protect myself I'd also approach the two parents I knew, in as non judgemental a way as possible. Just a 'I thought you should know' type way.

I would speak to the parents of the child you know who seemed to instigate everything and make sure they are aware of the distress caused and how they were shouting at you.

I think it's worth contacting the school aswell if they are going to join with the other S.N. schools.

Vile children. Hope you're ok? My nick inaction is to email the school, and to say in the email that this is for information, but you realise it was outside school and therefore not part of their watch. It may feed into a pattern of behaviour on the part of these kids. In fact it almost certainly does. Year 8 does appear to be an exceptionally unpleasant age, I must say.

Absolutely tell the school. they will do some digging and find out who did what and might even get a PSCO or someone in to put the wind up them. Might just be the kick up the bum they need to turn out not to be disgusting yobs!

Tell the school.

I once rang to report the actions of a boy which could have resulted in an accident causing a death at worse but did cause upset. The school were very happy I had called and said they would deal with him.

phantom do you not think that it is the parents job to deal with this issue? It has nothing to do with the school. The incident took place on a weekend at a village fete. I doubt very much the school will do any digging. My guess is that they have enough to deal with day to day without having to police what is going on at a village fete.

I would not tell the school, it's not really anything within their remit, even given the amalgamation. If you know the parents well tell them and encourage all the children your end to move on from the incident, obviously not the case for O but the others need to be able to resolve this as those people not being worth the upset.

Op. The way the acted towards that girl with autism and her mother was appalling. Thankfully these days it is a crime to harass and bully s

I would tell the school. My school would want to know and would come down like a ton of bricks on them. What a horrible bunch. I hope they are ashamed.

It IS a parent's job to deal with these issues , yes, but how often do we hear of stories where a well meaning responsible adult has informed parents of their miscreant childs behaviour, only to be sworn at, screeched at, called a liar and intimidated? OP cannot go marching round their houses demanding the parents sort it out, she just can't. If the kids think it is OK to behave how they did and say what they did, ganging up and being gobby/intimidating, then no doubt their parents have similar attitudes, or don't even care. Not everyone is a responsible parent who's happy to have someone criticise their child, and deal with it effectively.

IME (as teacher and parent) schools ALWAYS take an interest in conduct outside of school hours as it is their reputation on display and wrongdoing by a small minority can easily get all pupils at the school tarred with the same brush.

A crime to bully someone because of their disability. I would call 101 to discuss this with the local police and absolutely tell the local school. They should crack down very hard on this behaviour.

Exactly obstacles, the wrongdoing is of a very severe nature indeed. Not just teenage larking about or being loud/rude, but deliberate spiteful nastiness towards someone with a disability for their own entertainment - the school will be very unimpressed, and it's better the kids find out now that this sort of behaviour is out of order, than get into serious trouble in a few years time

If you know the parents I would speak to them, mainly to call them on their awful behaviour towards your friend's daughter and the accusation they made at you.

I would also contact the school. Yes, it happened out of school and there is "nothing" the school can do. However these things have a way of spilling over and as a former HoY in school, I appreciated knowing these events had happened so I could keep an eye out.

I wonder if their parents had been around would they have acted in the same way? Sometime teens need a gentle reminder about what's right. Most of them are good kids but there can be a "pack" mentality and trying to show off, especially at that age as they haven't quite got the maturity sorted!

I think an email to the school is a good idea as although the school cannot do anything about stuff that happens outside of school the information can prewarn them of the possibility of trouble in the future.

I would tell the school. It's the sort of thing the FLO should know about, particularly if O and J are going to be at the same school in the future. I'd mention the names of all the kids you know, not just J

Phantom OP said herself she knew the parents and she would let them know along the lines of 'I thought you should know......' At no point has anyone suggested she march round to anyone's house making demands. She already knows the parents anyway.
It really pisses me off that schools are expected by some to deal with everything that is wrong with the youth of today. The kids involved were not in school uniform so how on earth will this reflect badly on the school. Only a complete idiot would adopt that line of thought.