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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want to let the school know?

67 replies

macdoodle · 14/06/2014 18:52

Nightmare at the village fete.
I live in a small village with a small primary school of about 100 pupils, feeding into a very large local secondary school (160 in my DD1's year 7 year group).
Today was the village fete, mostly locals. But large groups of secondary children from other villages and some city areas. My DD1's age and year above mostly.
My daughter's best friend (C) has an older sister (O) with severe autism, her mum had brought her and she had been coping well with the noise and people.
Until........apparantly one of the local year 8 girls, started telling the non local year 8 boys, that O was "special" and hated loud noises/hissing.
At which stage a few boys started hissing and clapping near her, her mum (who is very non confrontational) kept moving away, until poor O had a complete melt down and she had massive difficulty getting her out of the field and home At this stage one of said boys (J) was smirking and waving at her.
When they left, the sister C, who I know very well, was very upset crying and distressed. I comforted her and told her to ignore such pathetic behaviour (from J).
I suggested the group of local year 7 girls (including my daughter and C) leave now, and I left with my younger DD2 who is 6.
As we walked down the road, J came running after us, shouting. I turned round to find a group of perhaps 10 children. J said I had called him a "spotty cunt", and it was disgusting a doctor (I am a local GP) had said this, this was told to him by another non local year 8 girl, who apparantly had heard my elder daughter telling someone this!
All in earshot of my 6 year old. To say I was accosted by a gang of teens shouting would not be an understatement!
Luckily I am no shrinking violet, said of course I had said no such thing, told off the girl who had accused me, and the local girl who seemed to have started to whole thing (I know her mother well). I was very cross and told them their behaviour towards O was absolutely disgusting, I did not appreciate being dragged into their childish games, and I had absolutely not said anything of the sort and did not appreciate being accused of it. I then told them all to go home.
My DD1 is adamant she said nothing of the sort.
Do I (1) ignore (2) tell the 2 parents I know (3) email the school
I am a little suspicious that by accusing me of insulting J, they are hoping to take the heat of their own atrocious behaviour.
O is very very distressed, O's mum is upset, and to make it worse, the secondary school is moving to a shiny new build in october where they will be amalgamated with all the special needs schools. I think the school need to be made aware? AIBU?

OP posts:
cantbelievethisishppening · 14/06/2014 21:29

If you are going to email the school then I think you should mention the harassment you suffered. At least then if they do pull these kids in and the name calling is mentioned they will already be aware of it.

iamsoannoyed · 14/06/2014 21:35

Mac

I'm also a Dr- I think in your position I'd be informing the parent that you know regarding what happened. I'd also call 101- if for nothing else than this creates an official record of what happened in case "J" decides that he needs to deflect attention away from his behaviour by making accusations towards you. With any luck, a visit from the police may just make this group, and the ring-leaders in particular, think twice about their behaviour (which is utterly disgusting).

I would also email the school in a "just to let you know" capacity. I recognise this is the parent's responsibility and as it was at a village fete, not remotely related to the school/not the schools responsibility- but I think they'd like to know about it. I have emailed a school about the behaviour of their pupils (late in the evening and not on way to/from school, although admittedly in school uniform)- I got a very polite response and was informed the school was grateful for the information and intended to tackle the behaviour. Now, perhaps the school were just fobbing me off, but they did seem keen to know about these incidents.

zzzzz · 14/06/2014 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iamsoannoyed · 14/06/2014 21:50

Mac
You're absolutely right, you can't let it go- their behaviour towards this poor girl is vile and needs to be stamped on, hard. However, I also find their behaviour towards you- the attempted intimidation by a group and threatening behaviour by "J"- especially in the presence of a young child, quite troubling and also needs to be tackled. The fact you were able to deal with it is a separate issue, really.

Having read your last post- I would definitely call 101 for advice and to create an official record. If "J" is kicking off on facebook, it is not out-with the realms of possibility he will be egged on to "sort the scum out" and/or may do so to save face, if you see what I mean. It is not unheard of for teens like this to make accusations towards others in positions of responsibility to deflect attention away from their behaviour. And it's not unheard of for their parents to back them to the hilt, causing lots of issues for the accused person. Of course, he may just leave his ranting to social media, but I'd rather not leave it to chance if I were you.

And when you email the school, I would also mention the attempt to intimidate you- and that they did so in front of your 6 year old DD. It's not "tit-for-tat" or childish- it's the facts. Again, school can work better if they know the whole story- it also covers your back if he makes accusations.

I can imagine the scenario- teacher says "I heard you did x,y,z"- "J" then tells everyone you verbally abuses him. Teacher is now obliged to let someone more senior/parents know about accusations "J" has made- and his behaviour takes a back seat.

Of course, this is worse case scenario and I don't think it's the most likely outcome, but I wouldn't take a chance.

Dayshiftdoris · 14/06/2014 21:51

Zzzzz

I am with you 100% - it's a hate crime and I don't care one bit if I am projecting because I have a child with ASD...

After all it was me who had to tell him why the boy we saw was making those signs to the children WE KNEW on the bus in front... Devastating to watch the pennies drop for your child that he might have to go to that school and he has the same condition of the children the boy was mocking...

Call the police... If a patient came into your surgery telling you this had happened to them you would be livid and demanding blood, quite rightly.

Dayshiftdoris · 14/06/2014 21:53

And as I said earlier I am very concerned about YOUR position and malicious accusations against YOU to deflect attention.

TheFairyCaravan · 14/06/2014 21:55

I would be ringing 101.

zzzzz is right, you witnessed a hate crime. Hate crimes towards the disabled are meant to be treated as severely as racist hate crimes now. J sounds a really horrible boy, and hopefully a police officer knocking on his door will bring him down a peg or two.

Poor 'O' and her Mum and sister. I hope they are okay now.

AnotherStitchInTime · 14/06/2014 22:00

I am a secondary school teacher. Yes you should email the school, they will be interested considering the future amalgamation, but also how their pupils behaviour impacts on the local community.

Firstly though phone 101 about the harassment and take screen shots of J's FB comments.

Secondly contact the parents of the local children who started it all too.

Email the school last.

Pregnantberry · 14/06/2014 22:08

I am not sure if you should contact the parents, school, or 101, but in my opinion you should definitely do something.

If those teens had been a few years older someone would have contacted the police. It's better that they learn that acting this way is not acceptable and can have serious consequences now rather than when they are bigger.

macdoodle · 14/06/2014 22:16

Right I have emailed the school a brief and factual report of what happened, to O and me. I may call the police on monday morning from work.
He may very well accuse me but not sure how it could go anywhere, its very much a she said that she said that she heard that I said Hmm
Dear god though, its alarming that they behave like this at 12/13/14, what on earth will then turn out like.

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 14/06/2014 22:29

I am SO glad you emailed. This incident was bullying, harassment and extremely anti social and could have turned nasty if handled badly.

Those little shits! How DARE kids act this way towards children with SN. I am also glad you're calling police. Do it.

hazeyjane · 14/06/2014 22:34

I agree with calling the police and emailing the school. I don't think you should talk to the parents. Definitely write everything down now, whilst it is fresh.

Runesigil · 14/06/2014 23:17

You have some good advice here Mac, I'd still say ring the Police sooner. If that type of behaviour goes unchecked, where does it end www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/6226927/Mother-and-daughter-tormented-to-death-by-bullies-kept-diary-of-abuse.html

If you have a spare minute, please could you let O's mum know what the situation is, she must be distraught herself and knowing that this will be dealt with will be a big relief to her, right now I expect she's wondering if the same thing will happen to her and O every time she bumps into this crowd of morons. I'm parent to a formerly bullied SEN dd. Anything anyone can do to stop such behaviour in the community is very welcome, have some Thanks for not looking the other way/doing nothing/saying it's not your problem.

And a little something for you to enjoy, Cake and Wine

Dayshiftdoris · 14/06/2014 23:23

Sorry I should add

Thanks macdoodle for caring and standing up to them.

Furthermore your DD's actions show you have brought her up caring about others ThanksThanksThanksThanks

BlackeyedSusan · 14/06/2014 23:37

we have a leaflet in our local library that would describe the taunting of the child with a disability a hate crime....

306235388 · 14/06/2014 23:43

I'd tell the parents you know too. I would want to know if my child behaved like this because their whole life would need to change as a result, disgusting behaviour.

Nanny0gg · 14/06/2014 23:50

Yes tell the school.

I went to the school when my DD and friend were assaulted at a youth centre (told police too) as it was classmates involved.

They were interested and dealt with it internally as well.

I do also think these children's behaviour needs reporting to the police as well.

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