To think STOP LOCKING THE DOOR!?

[MrsWinnibago]

I live in a 1st floor flat. There are 4 flats in our building....2 on each level. On the ground floor are two separate and elderly couples...and on my floor there is me and my DH and our 2 DC and a girl who has a little baby.

It's like a large house that's been converted. We all share the front entrance and the back entrance. The back entrance leads to 4 little separate gardens...there's one "yard" which we all use for washing lines and then our gardens lead off this....they're like little allotments almost.

Anyway...the back door is the only access to the garden so my children go down there as does my cat.

My frigging neighbour keeps LOCKING the back door....putting it on the "snicket" as some people say.

This means my short DC can't get out and I constantly have to go down the stairs to unlock it. We're thoughtful and quiet neighbours...they're not in and out all day but like normal kids they do need regular access....WHY DOES HE KEEP FUCKING LOCKING IT???

I sent my smallest out to play...she's 6. I can see her out there from the kitchen window. Next thing I hear her yelling up "I can't get in!"

He'd fucking locked her out! It's one man....he's a bit bossy and a bit grumpy....why does he do this? He's lived her for thirty years so it could be habit I suppose...but this is a safe area and the front door is always locked so nobody could get through off the street....how shall I tackle this?

I thought OP said her DC cannot unlock the door themselves because they are too small to reach?

If they are 9&6 why not just give them a key? Problem solved.

^I thought OP said her DC cannot unlock the door themselves because they are too small to reach?&

So a little footstool and a key! Really, this is not a problem.

Buy a plastic step that they can take down with - and wedge in the door while they're outside.

*take down with them.

6 is young!

Get them a key or go out with them.

*I thought OP said her DC cannot unlock the door themselves because they are too small to reach?

So a little footstool and a key! Really, this is not a problem.*

The OP also said it's not a key lock it's a lock you flick up.
I had a similar one when growing up. They're usually pretty high up the door, even with a footstool.

So go outside with them! Or have a little walkie-talkie to use when they want to come in.

What does "getting a monk on" mean?

'Getting a monk on' is a phrase I only heard since moving to Lincolnshire. It means getting all huffy I think.

YABU, if I lived on ground floor I'd lock the door regardless of what my upstairs neighbor urns kids wanted to do to keep my own flat more secure. You need to take your kids out there yourself a if it's too much trouble they stay in

Can you get the 9yo a lanyard and key?

So any time someone else in the flats wants to use their garden this man locks them out? Surely you dont all lock your back doors when you are in your own garden? How ridiculous.

Also i think its really bad form to lock a child out of their own home.

I'm with you OP. YANBU.

The front door onto the street is locked. The back door is protected by high fenses. The man has his own locked door into his flat, it's not the same thing as leaving a house back door open FFS.

He's being difficult, and probably on purpose although I'd give him the benefit of doubt.

Go round with a small gift and ask him for a favour - would he ease leave the back door unlocked while your children are playing in the garden.

If he doesn't acgree then he's def being a tosser and then you could get arsey yourself and complain about the fire risk crap in the communal hallway.

YABU, if I lived on ground floor I'd lock the door regardless of what my upstairs neighbor urns kids wanted to do to keep my own flat more secure

Why? You think burglars are going to climb over the dense, slip in the back door, then when they come across YOUR OWN LOCKED DOOR they will smash it down? You must live in a right shit hole.

It takes two seconds to unlock a door. Why not do it to make this man feel more secure in his own home?

Maybe he's posting on Grandadsnet for advice. "I live in a house converted to four flats, the family upstairs are worrying me, the mother leaves the back door to the building unlocked all the time to save her walking downstairs and opening it when her children want to go out. I worry about burglars so I'm always having to go out and lock it after them, what do you think I should say to them?"

Why? You think burglars are going to climb over the dense, slip in the back door, then when they come across YOUR OWN LOCKED DOOR they will smash it down? You must live in a right shit hole.

Hey, some people have lived in right shit holes, and have been burgled, and are traumatised by it.

So no, locking the door isn't a silver bullet but it is one safety measure and it makes them feel a lot safer and at peace in their own homes. Why not respect that?

There is NO key! It's a latch thing. There is NOWHERE to put a step or stool due to the neighbour's pile of crap!

He has a table and a plant and a lot of smaller pots with plants. They're not in the way and look ok but due to them there's no spare place for a step.

I have said this twice.

So... move the table?

Talk to him and ask him to move the table?

Really, he's right there. Go bring him a geranium tomorrow and get this sorted.

Have you talked to this man at all? How do you know he's an ogre?

Really, this is an easy problem to solve. Talk to him with some proposed solutions. If it turns out he is an absolute ass, tell him that regretfully you'll have to move the table so the kids can get in and out.

I would check with the council what the rules are on leaving items in that access way. It's usual to prohibit such things in case they block access/exit in case of a fire.

Why don't you go and have a chat with him and see if he has any suggestions? He might appreciate you asking and might have a good idea or two.

I think the suggestion of a portable stool your DC's can bring downstairs with them to reach the lock is a really good one. My elderly aunt lives alone in a flat and suffers OCD regarding locking and checking doors - I would hate to think she was being judged for it. He has a right to lock the door in order to feel secure. I'm sure if you talk to him then you can reach a compromise.

Confused here: OP, are you saying that if the doors locked from the inside, then you cannot unlock it from the garden even if you are an adult? I'm confused about all this stuff about a step/table... Does he ever lock you out? If he can't lock you out, because you can reach the catch, then the door locking is not about security.

As for security... I was burgled many years ago. Nasty, no fun, came back to a hideous shambles when 5 or 6 months pregnant, lost a few precious bits and pieces. But truly, not the end of the world and not worth being paranoid over. What is the likelihood of a burglar scaling a high fence, ignoring the kids in the garden, strolling in through an unlocked door, and smashing his way into your neighbour's flat? With your neighbour in it?

Try talking to him. YANBU, but take a deep breath, smile sweetly and see if you can reach a sane compromise with him.