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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this woman shouldn't have asked my ds to lend her dd a toy?

38 replies

lecce · 13/06/2014 21:33

We had friends round tonight - couple with two children the same ages as ours. Our main connection is the dc, but I do like them.

Anyway, today ds2 (5) is a little upset as it was his best friend's last day at school because she is moving. In addition, dh is having a relapse of ghis ms, so things were a little fraught for us, but I thought having friends around would cheer the dc up. During the playdate (sorry, don't know what else to call it ) This couple's daughter became very attached to a small doll/mermaid thing of ds's.

All went well, but, as they were getting ready to leave, the mother suddenly asked my ds if he would mind lending said doll/mermaid thing to her dd. He looked a little taken aback but said yes.

AIBU in thinking this was a little pushy? It put ds on the spot and, had it caused a tantrum when they had gone (it didn't, to be fair, but I bloody hope he doesn't start asking for it tomorrow) I think that would have finished me off after the day I've had. I would never do it; I think 5 is too young to be put on the spot like this and if my dc get attached to toys at friends' houses I distract them at the time/talk about how it belongs to X, and put it on the wish list if they remember it later.

We don't see them that often, so no idea when he will get it back.

Was she or am I Ur?

OP posts:

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 13/06/2014 21:35

Tbh my first thought is why didnt you step in? "Sorry, no, darling, thats DSs but it came from X shop if you really want one".

I can well imagine a 5yo not knowing how to handle that situation and as it was an adult who asked he probably felt obliged.

She was rude to ask, YWBU not to step in.

DeepThought · 13/06/2014 21:44

I would have and indeed have in the past said No poppet, toys that live here stay here

Naughty if them to ask, cheeky buggers

Do ring tomorrow and ask them to pop it round, utilise your DM sadface in vocal form, poor wee Johnny misses his toy, thankyouverymuch

bellarations · 13/06/2014 21:50

I would have said sorry sweetie, step away from the toy mermaid -y thing. It will miss baby lecce. The mum should not have asked. Why oh why can't some parents just say no to their little darlings?

wheresthelight · 13/06/2014 21:59

Cheeky bitch!!!!

I wouldn't have allowed it to go like the other posters have said but as it's done o would definitely call tomorrow and ask them to fetch it back as ds was restless all night without his favourite. Toy

IDontDoIroning · 13/06/2014 22:13

She shouldn't have done that and tbh I'll be very surprised if it is returned unless make a point of ringing tomorrow and asking for it back and I suggest you offer to call round for it to collact if from them.

CrapBag · 13/06/2014 22:18

YANBU.

She is a cheeky cow who needs to learn to say no to her PFB. Children can't just have everything they want. What do you want to bet that this girl will become very attached to this toy and the mum will try to guilt you into letting her keep it.

Contact her over the weekend and tell her that your DS misses his toy and would like it back. Then never lend her anything again!

cosmicstardust · 13/06/2014 22:24

DD has lent/borrowed toys before- but only ever with her cousins, who she sees on an almost daily basis. My stepsister has DD and my other stepsister's DD along with her own kids a couple of afternoons a week, and it's not uncommon for the four of them to do this. However, it is ALWAYS the child it belongs to offering, eg my niece borrowed one of DD's books because she had been reading it that afternoon, and returned it when she'd finished it a week later. We have my nephew's skipping rope at ours at the moment because DD was playing with it at theirs yesterday and doesn't have one, we will return it when we see them on Monday. We see them regularly enough that things are always returned quickly. I would be furious if another parent tried that one on DD, she would be too polite and taken aback to say no.

I would phone her up tomorrow and ask when would be a good time to drop round and collect it. If she stalls, pick a day and time and tell her you'll be in the area, so you'll drop by then. If she says she won't be in, tell her that's fine, just leave it on the doorstep in a carrier bag

Notso · 13/06/2014 22:25

I don't think it would bother me really. My DC often lend out toys to friends who come to play. I suppose a little odd to come from the Mum, as they are friends just ring them and ask for it back.
Maybe it seems bad because you have had a tough day.

Kerryp · 13/06/2014 22:29

I don't think I would mind but she shouldn't have asked your ds she should have asked you

Tallypet · 13/06/2014 22:30

I would lend it out for a little while. Don't see the harm in it. It didn't cause a tantrum so no big deal.

CoffeeTea103 · 13/06/2014 22:32

I also don't see the big deal. At 5 years your DS wasn't upset so no issue really. I think asking for it back is petty though.

Kerryp · 13/06/2014 22:35

Within reason coffeeTea I would say if she doesn't return it next time you see her then I would ask for it back

Tallypet · 13/06/2014 22:40

I'm a bit do adults not lend/borrow bits and pieces now and then?

I am surprised at some posters on here calling her cheeky bitch/cheeky cow. Seems rather childish nasty

wheresthelight · 13/06/2014 22:44

Coffeetea had the child asked to borrow the toy I would agree with you. In fact had the mother asked the op I would also agree with you.

The fact the mother asked the op's child was odd and cheeky and very much designed to put everyone in the position of having to say yes

DogCalledRudis · 13/06/2014 22:44

YABU. She asked to lend it, not give it away.

gamerchick · 13/06/2014 22:47

lend means give when it comes to shit like that. Cheeky twats who can't bear to see their offspring have to give something up.

I think you'll have to cut your losses if you don't want to go get it back and get another one.

Original poster

lecce · 13/06/2014 22:50

Yes, wheresthelight, that's how I feel. One minute she was sitting with me at the kitchen table sympathising about dh, the next she was on her feet asking ds for the toy. I agree I should have stepped in- was too taken aback.

I will ask for it when we see them, and probably make sure that is sooner than it would otherwise have been.

OP posts:

ExitPursuedByABear · 13/06/2014 22:51

Cheeky mare.

scarlettsmummy2 · 13/06/2014 22:53

Maybe the mum thought your son didn't really play with it. Going to be totally flamed but it isn't the kind of thing I would imagine five year old boys to be particularly attached to. I know that isn't very PC, but just trying to imagine what she may have been thinking.

cosmicstardust · 13/06/2014 22:54

Thing is though OP, if you leave it too long she can pull the 'oh but PFB is soooo attached to it now, and your DS hasn't played with it for months, please can she keep it' card.

gamerchick · 13/06/2014 22:56

That goes without saying.. if you go over and her kid is attached to it.. could you do what she did and take it away?

EverythingCounts · 13/06/2014 22:57

No, ask sooner than that, or I wouldn't be surprised if it becomes 'lost' or at least 'packed up somewhere' in the process of the move Contact her and get it back tomorrow. Although, on the more generous side, if the child is best friends with your DS, and you know where the toy came from, I would have said that your DS would get her one of her own as a present to remind her of him, and then later sent it to them. It's putting you on the spot with asking that was a bit much of her.

Original poster

lecce · 13/06/2014 22:58

Well, Scarlettsmummy2, ds2 is well known for his tastes and was wearing his princess dress at the time .

OP posts:

wheresthelight · 13/06/2014 23:01

Aww bless him!!! At the same age as your ds my godson had an obsession with stilettos and ladies handbags. He really didn't understand why he couldn't wear mine out to the park

scarlettsmummy2 · 13/06/2014 23:01

That's a bit different then. I was imagining my five year old nephew and his pals who are typically kicking a football or being very physical with each other and really have little interest in toys as such.

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