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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I BU to offer to give this lad the £10?

25 replies

DennyDifferent · 13/06/2014 20:16

Feeling very cringey and embarrassed! I think I was being U but I really didn't mean to be! Dropped £10 out of my pocket at the supermarket and didn't realise. A lad of about 13 picked it up and gave it to me, went out of his way to do so. I was really grateful as I hadn't noticed so he could have pocketed it. I said 'thanks for your honesty!' he looked a bit shy but smiled. As I walked away I remembered doing something similar as a teen and the adult let me kep the money. It really made an impression on me and kept me on the straight and narrow

On the spur of the moment I walked after him and held out the tenner, 'here you go, for your honesty'.
'Nah, you're alright', he mumbled, very embarrassed. I had my 6 year old ds with me so I hope he knew I wasn't being 'predatory' by offering him the money. I tried a casual 'no worries!' but it made me feel really weird, like I'd been inappropriate. Is that sort of thing just not done these days? Am I a massive cringy weirdo and this is just the first in a long line of embarrassing moments I'm going to subject my DS to?

OP posts:

defineme · 13/06/2014 20:21

Bit cringey of you but not a big deal.

partialderivative · 13/06/2014 20:23

Nice, but possibly overly weird.

WestmorlandSausage · 13/06/2014 20:23

I think it was nice of you to offer but as a teen in the same position though I know I wouldn't have accepted either for no other reason that I would feel that I had stopped someone from losing a tenner... would make it seem a bit pointless if they just gave it away anyway.

WestmorlandSausage · 13/06/2014 20:24

I probably would have accepted a fiver as half 'payment' though

BonzoDooDah · 13/06/2014 20:24

No - lovely thing to do and great to reward honesty.

CrapBag · 13/06/2014 20:27

It was a great thing to do. Never mind that he didn't take it, he was probably just embarrassed.

Nice to hear of decent people around though.

Tiptops · 13/06/2014 20:27

That isn't weird or embarrassing at all! It was lovely of you to offer it to him.

Original poster

DennyDifferent · 13/06/2014 20:27

partial that sums me up to a tee!

OP posts:

ChuffinEllAsLike · 13/06/2014 20:31

I dont think thats weird or cringey.

Id have considered doing that too.
Then Id have cringed if he had refused. Then Id make a thread about it. Then Id cringe more at everyone saying I was cringey, nice and odd.

Original poster

DennyDifferent · 13/06/2014 20:33

OP posts:

odyssey2001 · 13/06/2014 20:42

I think it was a lovely thing to do. The world would be as much nicer place of there were more people like you. I'm sad to say I don't think I would have even considered it. I will now if it ever happens to be. Kindness returned should be it's own reward but a tangible acknowledgement makes a point that their thoughtfulness was recognised and appreciated. Well done you.

hashtagwhatever · 13/06/2014 20:45

I think thats really kind of you.

Agree I would have offered a fiver personally.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 15/06/2014 16:54

going against the grain... my DS's were brought up to be honest and without going into boring detail three or four times they had occasion to be on the receiving end of a grateful persons generosity, whilst it made them realise that honesty pays (literally) it made me uncomfortable that being honest was something that needed to be rewarded with more than a heartfelt thank you. saying that I was very proud that the message got through.

lljkk · 15/06/2014 17:07

This has happened to me as an adult, one time it was £60 I turned in & the guy insisted on me keeping £20. He was adamant & I gave all £20 to charity.

Pumpkinpositive · 15/06/2014 17:26

Going against the grain part 2, I understand your motivation but I think I would have felt patronised even as a teenager if someone tried to reward me for doing that. I was earbashed raised on the old motif about virtue being its own reward.

sanfairyanne · 15/06/2014 17:38

yabu, patronising and ruined a moment (sorry)

let him do something good and enjoy the feeling

sanfairyanne · 15/06/2014 17:40

www.parentingscience.com/helpful-kids-and-rewards.html

admittedly research on toddlers but still applicable to us all imo

WorraLiberty · 15/06/2014 17:42

What did you honestly expect him to say?

I think most people (even if they really wanted to accept it) would have needed a bit more, "Oh go on, I insist".

But really your thanks was probably enough.

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 15/06/2014 17:57

I think it was lovely and generous of you to offer it to him. I think yes, he probably was embarassed that you offered it to him but that it was a lovely gesture and he recognised it as such even if he didn't accept it out of embarassment.

He's probably kicking himself now over the impulsive refusal that came out of his mouth and thinking 'oh man, I should have just taken it!'

I think that it'll encourage him to continue to be honest in the future. If you hadn't offered him anything he might go away thinking you were a bit stingy and thinking 'she could have at least offered me something in return.' Even if you can't afford to give the whole £10 to him, a gesture of some sort such as paying for his fish and chips or something (which is what DH did in a similar situation) or giving him a few quid shows you acknowledge his gesture and appreciate it.

WowserBowser · 15/06/2014 17:59

I would probably do the same! It's nice even if it is 'weird'

KayVerinder · 15/06/2014 20:04

Maybe the thought of explaining to his parents how he came across £10 put him off?

It was a lovely gesture though.

popmimiboo · 15/06/2014 20:59

DS found a €50 note on the floor at a fete once. He tried handing it in to the nearest stall but they just said to keep it, so he brought it over to the stall I was on (nearby) and I asked someone to announce it on the loudspeaker. Cue, a friend of mine realising she'd dropped it out of her purse. She thanked DS profusely and gave him €5 for his honesty which I thought was kind and DS was made up.
A year later he found a purse in the street and took it in to the police station. No thanks or reward this time but he was still proud of his honesty!

YANBU but it would have been better if you'd made the offer immediately rather than accosting him a few minutes later!

Rivercam · 15/06/2014 21:03

Lovely gesture. Don't overthink it - not weird, maybe unusual, but a nice story.

Objection · 15/06/2014 21:12

Lovely thing to do OP. You'd be cringing if you hadn't have offered though, right? You'd get through the day and think "I should have given it to him"
You sound like me and for me, at least, these situations are kind of lose/lose due to overthinking it!

sanfairyanne · 15/06/2014 22:26

am i the only one who thinks it was totally not the right thing to do, then ?

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