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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a friend wouldn't make fun of what you wear?

51 replies

TheWavesHaveCome · 13/06/2014 13:54

Just a couple of examples -

I wore a beaded band around my head on a night out. Friend came late and shouted - what the fuck is that on your head.

I worn my Barbour coat with some Chelsea heeled boots and she mentioned at least twice how I looked like I was going horse riding.

I don't comment on what people wear (unless it's a compliment) and her comments will be put down to banter and me not taking a joke.

Aibu and too sensitive?

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Chocotrekkie · 13/06/2014 13:55

I think the horse riding one isn't too bad (nothing wrong with riding) but "what's on your head" is just rude.

saltpotlady · 13/06/2014 13:56

I've just posted a very similar thread about a so-called friend of mine, who always comments on what I look like.

Perhaps we should introduce our friends to each other;sounds like they'd get along Grin

sarahquilt · 13/06/2014 13:56

She's jealous.

BlameItOnTheMoonlight · 13/06/2014 13:57

I think, as a friend, she probably owed it to you to be honest if you looked silly (and, to be fair, the description sounds like maybe she had reason). However, there is a fine line between banter and mean. Perhaps she missed the mark?

Blindlyshining · 13/06/2014 13:58

Oh I don't know.

I try and wear clothes that hide my fatness suit my shape and I suppose I'd really want to know if something I thought was flattering made me look grotesque. Or if what I thought was a bit boho actually screamed grandmother hand downs. I wouldn't expect a friend to mock me for having a different style, but I would like them to tell me if I looked ridiculous.

Welshmayhem · 13/06/2014 13:58

Don't suppose you have recently tried to change your look and she feels a bit threatened by the "new" you?

I'm kind of speaking from bitter experience here.

TurtleyAmazing · 13/06/2014 14:00

The thing i love about my friends is they are brutally honest and won't hesitate to tell me if i look like a knob.

Just like how they wont hesitate to tell me if i have something stuck in my teeth or have forgotten to use deodorant.

In return i do the same. my friend had some black and white stripey jeans on and i called her the doppler effect (big bag theory reference) all night. she didn't take it personally. I'm her friend and love her to bits and she knows this.

I think you're being a little too sensitive.

Hissy · 13/06/2014 14:00

Is there some kind of 80s revival going on then? Headband? No!

:)

momb · 13/06/2014 14:00

She has the northern wit. It's banter and she is trying to compliment you. Tell her that you don't get it and it hurts your feelings: she'll be mortified and stop it straight away.
It took me over 20 years to stop insulting strangers in an attempt to be funny and complimentary.

SunshineCloud · 13/06/2014 14:01

yanbu
I had a "friend" like this. It is a very passive aggressive way to behave. If I allowed any comments of such sort towards her, she used to get offended. I had to distance myself eventually from her , as this kind of comments moved on from my looks and style to my marriage and my job. Some people are just nasty for a sake of being nasty.

Original poster
TheWavesHaveCome · 13/06/2014 14:02

www.polyvore.com/gold_jewel_tri-headband/thing?id=58101630

On my ipad so can't post photos or a clicky link. But it was like that but more subtle.

I am 20 btw

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mommy2ash · 13/06/2014 14:04

I would tell my friends if I thought they looked funny. I had one friend who thought it was acceptable to go every where covered in dog hair and smelling like horse shit. yes I told her.

Original poster
TheWavesHaveCome · 13/06/2014 14:05

Don't suppose you have recently tried to change your look and she feels a bit threatened by the "new" you?

I'm not sure, I usually dress quite drab and safe - think black dress on nights out, jeans and tshirt as casual. So sometimes I try different looks as to not be boring.

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RoganJosh · 13/06/2014 14:07

Head band is lovely.

I would guess she's jealous. Or trying to be funny and missing.
I wouldn't be happy if someone made either of those comments to me.

Original poster
TheWavesHaveCome · 13/06/2014 14:08

I would tell my friends if I thought they looked funny. I had one friend who thought it was acceptable to go every where covered in dog hair and smelling like horse shit. yes I told her.

Isn't that different surely? That's a hygiene issue.

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LangenFlugelHappleHoff · 13/06/2014 14:12

I would just laugh it off tbh. I had a friend who used to constantly put down what I was wearing only to mimic an outfit the next week. It was really frustrating but in the end I would just give a little quip back and move on.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 13/06/2014 14:16

I'd accept it if a friend said I was wearing something ill-advised or unflattering. But only if it was put politely and they pretended to have some care about my feelings. This friend doesn't give a shit about how what she says affects you and is determined to humiliate and embarrass you. Tell her, that with her most regrettable dress-sense, she should try looking in a mirror some time. And then tell her to go fuck herself.

justfoundout2014 · 13/06/2014 14:20

I had a friend like that. Note use of past tense. She prided herself on being outspoken, and could be very funny, but often over-stepped the mark. I went on a weekend away with her and some other friends once and we got talking to an assistant in a clothes shop. Gobby friend told assistant that she had instructed us all to dress up for the occasion. She then eyed us all, looked at me and said, "I'm a bit disappointed in her, though." I just stood there, smiling weakly. Fwiw, I was sort of in my work clothes, so smart but not massively trendy, but I was 14 weeks pregnant (she knew) and at that bloated stage where nothing really fitted, but I wasn't ready for mat wear.

That wasn't even funny, was it? Another time, in a changing room, she ripped my vest apart, literally, because she didn't like it.

Wow - writing it down I can only think "what a bitch!"

AbbeyBartlet · 13/06/2014 14:23

Depends on what sort of relationship you have with her.

I would say that sort of thing to my friends, and so would they, just because we take the piss out of each other.

I probably wouldn't if it was likely to cause offence though.

BrianTheMole · 13/06/2014 14:28

Jealous.

UnderEstherMate · 13/06/2014 14:35

Hmm I'm not so sure, it all depends on what you're like as a group. I would say similar to some of my friends as they would with me. Others, who I know to be quite sensitive, I wouldn't.

partialderivative · 13/06/2014 14:35

Wouldn't you expect a friend to tell you what she honestly thougt?

Or would you rather they lied?

(This sort of crap just doesn't seem to happen when you are a bloke)

Veins · 13/06/2014 14:39

You're 20 and it was a headband unless it had ears on it I'm sure it looked fine. She was being rude...call her on it.

Original poster
TheWavesHaveCome · 13/06/2014 14:45

Wouldn't you expect a friend to tell you what she honestly thougt?

*Or would you rather they lied?

I'd prefer people to be honest, but I think people mistake cruelty for honesty.

Before she even said hi she screamed what the fuck is that on your head and proceeded to laugh at me.

She wore coral jeans and she has red hair, I could have laughed in her face and called her a colourblind bitch ... But what would that achieve?

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