NCT group meet ups to include the DPs?

[littlestripeybear]

One mum pushing hard for this. 9 couples. Babies 3 months old.

My DH came to the classes and was interested in the preg. and brth info., but has zero interest in the social side of it. For me it was always more about having some contact with other new mums after the birth and i enjoy the meetups with them. Comparing notes about BFing, weight gain/loss, libido, family, inlaws, everything - life in general!

We (mums) don't all manage to get together very often though. Busy lives. Usually a coffee morning every few weeks. Rare for for than 4 or 5 at a time to make it.

The mum pushing for the inclusion of the ''boys'' as she keeps calling them, is the one who is most active in organising and hosting our meetups. She just seems slightly out of step with everybody else. She was keen for evening meet ups - but everyone declined that as we're all trying to get new DCs into a routine and reserve evening outings for major stuff, not an NCT meet.

From the start she's kept pushing for this 'DPs staying in contact', but from what i can see (i take a back seat on this) agreeing a time when all the dads can come along as well is almost impossible. So so far it's never come off. (DPs are all working full time so weekdays are out. Weekends are even busier than the week!) But still she presses on ...

Everyone is so incredibly polite. We don't all know each other that well and tread gently around each other still. I've no idea how many of the DPs actually want to go and how many of the excuses are genuine. I think most of us are just happy with a mums coffee and cake morning once in a while tbh.

So - WWYD?
A. i know my DH will never go to one of these 'couples' gatherings, and i cant keep on making excuses. She's trying hard to include everyone. Do i just tell them he's just an unsociable bugger?

B. if/when the couples meetups get going i don't feel i want to attend them on my own. I'll feel like a spare wheel. More excuses.

So i'm left feeling a bit when she starts up again with this ''when are we going to get all the boys together again'' stuff. It's just bloody awkward. Iis it usual for NCT groups to be a couples thing after the babies have come along?

My nct group was 7 couples. Mostly met up during the week when the menfolk were back at work.
There was a dad's night out one Friday which Dp went out and didn't enjoy and we all met up for a meal twice in a year but other than that it was only women.
Can you suggest the men organise something amongst themselves?

We had two such meet-ups, ok, quite sociable, then if the DPs want to repeat and meet up too, up to them. Mine never did.

Oh god!!! How awful! I have nothing useful to add because we both ran a mile from the NCT classes, but I don't think it is normal, not unless there have been some particular friendships made between couples.

Also, what about single mums?!

I feel a bit sorry for her actually. Is her husband struggling with fatherhood and looking to meet with some others in his position? Are they new to the area and looking to make friends?

Its a bit difficult if its not what your looking for though.

All the dads had a meet up and got really drunk together! They've met up at birthday parties but none of the dad's come to the coffee and chat meets we have during the week. You can't force it.

My NCT group was 6 couples so a bit more managable. We met up once as couples pre babies and and once as couples post babies.
The men haven't met up since and the women meet almost every week. I think the majority of the men met up out of politeness and support for their wives and weren't really interested in making new friends.
Is there a possibility this fella of hers is new to the area and is perhaps hoping to make a few friends and the wife is trying to help him along? Maybe there might be a few in the group whose husbands are a bit more amiable to that idea and she should encourage him to be proactive in meeting just them.

Our NCT dads organised a few pub/football trips at weekends. DH went along a couple of times, but he's not that sociable, and whilst he got on fine with them, he wasn't bothered about meeting up again. As it happened 7/8 of the couples all live/d in the same village. We - the other couple - are only 10 mins drive away, but never managed that informal but in depth relationship that the bitter couples have from popping round/running into in the shops, going to swings etc

Don't stress about it, just go to invites you want to attend and ignore those you don't.

In our group the dads have got together twice in 17 mo. Both times most of the guys made it but a few couldn't. No biggie

Every group is different I think. I agree that you can't force it.

Our group really clicked - the mums met up once a week for coffee / lunch, the dads did monthly pub nights (instigated by them). We also had (and still do 3 years on) the odd get together during the day with everyone there.

Exactly - you cant force it. I feel like it is getting a bit forced.

happy my DH said something similar. Is it her DH who is pressing for this i wonder?

Single mums - well, we're all couples - perhaps she wouldn't be pushing for it if any of us were a single mum.

She's a lovely lady. The quietest of us when we're all together strangely. I just wish she'd give over with the menz.

ZeekZeek that is a bit harsh on NCT. It's easy to scoff if you have a great established support network/ in the town you grew up in/ all your friends having babies at the same time.

Also it is 3 months post baby!!! I can't imagine there would be too many single mums at this stage.

I can't imagine there would be too many single mums at this stage.

sigh. women couldn't possibly have gone through a pregnancy ....single, could they? or even worse, how dare a single mum want to attend NCT classes!!!! don't those pesky women understand it's all about middle England and perfect family lives?!

Jesus wept.

Why wouldn't there be single mums at this stage newmummy. Quite a lot of women have children alone. NCT is largely a con.

The menfolk of our NCT group organised themselves into regular pub trips from the start and over 5 years on we're still a really close group. In fact we've just got back from half-term in Italy with the 5 other families...

DH wasn't hugely keen to start with and most of the other men have since said the same thing but several years later, all women back at work, the men see each other as often (if not more often!) than we do!

(And they help each other with DIY and broken-down cars and all that sort of manly stuff too )

xposted a bit.

It seems more usual for the blokes to organise themselves really. This makes sense. We're being asked to 'manage' DPs.

I will continue to go to the morning meets.

The ladies and babies in our NCT group were very close, meeting up every week or more often. DH was keen to maintain contact with some of the other DHs but met with no enthusiasm. I suggested family meet ups a couple of times but there was no interest. I really felt for him, as none of his mates were close to parenthood still aren't and still very much live the single life, which he struggles to join in with much.

Well there weren't were there? Even if there are it doesn't mean the men can't get together or be involved just because a few of the women are single. It seems mean to exclude them and all of that possibility of a support network on account of the possibility there might be one or two single mothers who would be offended by their inclusion.
Yes of course women have babies on their own but it is a bit sad that people are all expecting relationships to have broken down/no fathers involved already at such an early stage. It does usually take two to tango.

Quite surprised at how involved some DPs get with the group. Lovely to be so friendly you're going on holls together :)

I can see how it can be tricky for a man to get more social contact with parents of same age kids. It's mainly mums doing the school run/nursary rin/NCT group.

I'll just carry on being vague about DH not joining in.

Perhaps i should be more pro active in organising mums meet ups. Only hosted one at mine so far. Seems like many of you met/meet up weekly.

We have different groups on throughout the week. Some of which are mums and babies only to allow for the chat that may not want to be discussed in front of the DH/Ps
Others are aimed at children from birth to school and dads are welcome though seldom come along.
As well as the daytime groups we have parents to be nights which obviously dads are welcome at and parents socials which get varying attendance depending on what we've arranged.
We try to mix it up to include everyone but not force people.

My DH was always the outsider to my NCT group, partly he's an anti social bugger and partly he didn't go to classes as he was looking after DD1. He rubs along OK with them when has to, but he's much more likely to chat to a couple of the mums. He doesn't do male bonding, and he absolutely doesn't do sport. He generally finds the person who's best at being generally interesting and pleasant.

(I was the only second timer, doing classes because I knew no one having moved and it was nice to focus on new baby without toddler to think about).

newmummy222 - not harsh. Just failed to see why I would want contact with a load of women that I had nothing in common with other than the vague fact that we gave birth around the same time. I didn't have family near, no and most of my friends/colleagues had older children/no children. Still, i survived and so did the beasts.

I have known a number of women who ended up single by the time they gave birth because of accidents/shitty men etc. Yep, it is so middle England.

Yet another reason to hate NCT.

Met at NCT 17 years ago - still going strong. Seven couples. Now scattered throughout the UK. We still all meet up at least annually for a weekend or week's hol. The men are as much friends with each other as the women and even more so our lovely 17 year olds and their younger siblings. Now all we need is some of the kids to pair up and we'll be self- perpetuating.

Our group was very successful thanks in large part to one very sociable and proactive mum who was and still is the main instigator of the get togethers.

Go along with social mum's plans - you never know, your dh might jusy enjoy it.

Ha ha. halfdonga wild horses wouldn't drag DH to a meet up Seriously he is THE most antisocial bloke in situations like this. He works in an all male job and he's got 2 brothers. He doesn't want any more male bonding.

he also thought a few of the couples were way too 'middle class' for him. I didn't even notice

I still meet up now and again with the 4 of the other mums from my NCT group and our kids are nearly 5.

DH hated the whole NCT group and had nothing in common with any of the other dads. There is no way on this planet he would choose to meet up with any of them voluntarily.

The people i met at NCT 2 years ago are actually my only friends. We had recently moved into the area and without their support i don't think i would have coped. We have moved away now and i miss them all terribly. They still do weekly meetups and i am included in the email group so i can keep up with all the news.

There were/are 8 couples and the blokes met a couple of times for curry and beer or poker and pool. And we have all socialised together twice a year - annual xmas/summer party.