NCT group meet ups to include the DPs?

[littlestripeybear]

One mum pushing hard for this. 9 couples. Babies 3 months old.

My DH came to the classes and was interested in the preg. and brth info., but has zero interest in the social side of it. For me it was always more about having some contact with other new mums after the birth and i enjoy the meetups with them. Comparing notes about BFing, weight gain/loss, libido, family, inlaws, everything - life in general!

We (mums) don't all manage to get together very often though. Busy lives. Usually a coffee morning every few weeks. Rare for for than 4 or 5 at a time to make it.

The mum pushing for the inclusion of the ''boys'' as she keeps calling them, is the one who is most active in organising and hosting our meetups. She just seems slightly out of step with everybody else. She was keen for evening meet ups - but everyone declined that as we're all trying to get new DCs into a routine and reserve evening outings for major stuff, not an NCT meet.

From the start she's kept pushing for this 'DPs staying in contact', but from what i can see (i take a back seat on this) agreeing a time when all the dads can come along as well is almost impossible. So so far it's never come off. (DPs are all working full time so weekdays are out. Weekends are even busier than the week!) But still she presses on ...

Everyone is so incredibly polite. We don't all know each other that well and tread gently around each other still. I've no idea how many of the DPs actually want to go and how many of the excuses are genuine. I think most of us are just happy with a mums coffee and cake morning once in a while tbh.

So - WWYD?
A. i know my DH will never go to one of these 'couples' gatherings, and i cant keep on making excuses. She's trying hard to include everyone. Do i just tell them he's just an unsociable bugger?

B. if/when the couples meetups get going i don't feel i want to attend them on my own. I'll feel like a spare wheel. More excuses.

So i'm left feeling a bit when she starts up again with this ''when are we going to get all the boys together again'' stuff. It's just bloody awkward. Iis it usual for NCT groups to be a couples thing after the babies have come along?

I should add though that I think you are being unreasonable to worry about it - just say at the earliest opportunity that your dh works long hours and wouldn't be up for meeting just with other dads

But the occasional couples meet up on a weekend is perfectly normal and pleasant - realistically it will be rare so I just wouldn't put much thought into it

Presumably you all live near each other and it wouldn't kill you to pop in on a picnic for example

I have to say my dh said he didn't see the point but he actually enjoyed it when we did have a couples pub lunch ...

My NCT group meet up once or twice a year, mostly just the mums (infact we went on a weekend city break to europe a few months ago!). Once a year or so we arrange a meet up at the weekend with the partners too. The men get on well at the get togethers, but they don't organise anythig between themselves. I think most of the men would be up for a men only meet up, but they are too lazy/busy to actually organise anything.

Lots of sound advice. I'm feeling better for getting it all out on a thread actually. I'll go on as i have been; attending the meet-ups that i can make, and taking a back seat on the couples arrangements. As i say i'll be honest about DH not being up for joining in now or in the future. That's one less for her to have to worry about working around.

I am new to this area, but because it's rural all of us are very spread out. Some are nearer to each other than others, but no one is within walking distance of each other and indeed some are a good 25 min drive apart.

buscuits you're very astute, and have hit the nail on the head i recon, now i think about it, re: this member and parenting practice for the dad. Cant say too much i don't want to out myself. I'm a name change regular.

Oh, about the going back to work side of it - yes, it will be even harder to arrange jointly suitable stuff when those who are going back FT do go. Its about a third of us i think. Some are going back PT, some have left work for the foreseeable future. I think right now is the prime time for us all to bond, if it's going to happen. We just don't seem to get together often enough.

I do plan to pluck up the courage to go into the drop in mum and baby group in my village. The fact that everyone will be local might help oil the wheels of friendship a bit. Bit more informal maybe.