Hook-gate - is this downright odd behaviour from DH?

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DH is a rigid black and whitetype of guy.

Apologies - I know the following is trivial but it really pissed me off.

Yesterday he brushed passed some coats that were on the vertical bannister pole thingy at the bottom of the stairs (I think it's called a newel post) and knocked off my coat accidently onto the floor. He carried on walking past and didn't pick it up. When I asked him to pick it up he said no, that he had provided more hooks in the porch 2 years ago for coats so if I choose to put it on the newel post and it got accidentally knocked off (by him) then no he wasn't going to pick it up.

He said he saw it as a contract - he'd provided more hooks 2 years ago, and if I chose not to put the coat in the correct place then if it got knocked off then it was tough. He then admitted that he'd been taking this type of approach for years about all sorts of things. I never knew and have been wondering why I often end up picking up things unexpectedly off the floor (I assumed kids had knocked them off and then lied that it wasn't them!!).

He also said that he adopted this approach out of respect for me (!?!!). Because if he was to pick the coat up then he would feel that he was treating me like a kid, and so our relationship would be unequal.

Everything he does is linked to an underlying principle, so this behaviour is not borne out of laziness (he is not at all lazy - the opposite) - he will have thought it through!

I can not for the life of me understand this odd approach. It seems a bit passive aggressive / aspergery to me. I guess it does have some strange logic to it, but it's not really in the spirit of marital team work!

AIBU?

No it's treating you like a child actually.

Christ, he must be knackered.

What a mentally draining way to live.

:(

He sounds like a cock to me. You are not a dog to be trained to obedience by him doing stuff to 'teach' you how to obey. Are there other things he does that are a bit similar?

He saw it as a contract?

What a knob

I mean, it's laughable, isn't it?

Did he sound very VERY pompous when he said it? "I see it as a contract actually."

I would have openly laughed till I cried.

What an idiotic thing to say. Did he not feel even slightly ridiculous coming out with that?

Well his approach has failed really hasn't it if he has been doing it for yours and you have only just noticed! He sounds quite hard to live with.

Oh dear.

LTB

He has really over thought that and yes yanbu it's a bit odd!

But I would also say HANG YOUR BLOODY COAT UP.

It's irritating as fuck to have a load of coats hung from chairs/bannisters/anywhere apart from the fucking coat cupboard.

I may be dealing with some un channeled rage from DHs coat for every bastard occasion

Bizarre. What other things has he been doing ?

Well he's quite annoying isn't he?
Personally I would tell him to shove his " contract" up his arse!!

It is hugely passive aggressive.

It also suggests he has a lot of contempt for you.

I'm really sorry, but I actually laughed when I read what you said his response was. Just as I would laugh if DH said that to me.

That is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard and yes, tremendously passive-aggressive. I'd tell him to grow up.

In a way I can see what he means. Why can't you put it on the coat hook? If it keeps getting knocked off the newel then that would be the logical thing to do but I think he is wrong in the way he spoke to you.

Did he ask you to use the coat hooks or just assume treat you would? Agree it sounds like an exhausting way to live and also treating you like an errant child.

that not treat.

It is OTT, but I can see why he gets annoyed. My DH leaves coats everywhere except the plentiful hooks and it's bloody annoying. I don't mind if it's for the odd hour while he comes in, puts shopping down, goes to the loo or whatever, but if they're there for days I get irritated.

About 2 years ago he slung his best jacket over the newel after a wedding. Instead of moving it I decided to just leave it there. It stayed for 6 months till he needed it again, and funnily enough it had a huge hump in the back and couldn't be worn. He hasn't done it again

There's a flaw in his argument. If your coat is on the newel post, then that means either it was wet or there wasn't room on the hooks. Ergo, he has not fulfilled his part of the contract as he didn't put up enough hooks or enough space between to allow coats to dry.

And he's acting like a tit.

There is only one sane reaction to this

Laugh right in his face then tell him to stick his contract right up his arse.

How pedantic!

I can sort of see it actually

I don't tidy away teenage dd's 'stuff' - anything I find that's not in the way I leave it. If it's in the way I might put it on the stairs.

If I trip over it I throw it outside - seriously.

She has had to go and get her headphones from the garden before now.

So if I trip or knock over something in the wrong place I don't hesitate to chuck it somewhere awkward for them

I'm with you Hecate.

If you hanging your coat on the newel post annoys him and he has put in extra coat hooks, why not just pick the coat up and say that?

What the hell are all the other dropped things?