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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to clean the blender?

111 replies

IAmNotACleaningService · 09/06/2014 13:17

DH goes through phases all the time that last for a month or two. It was swimming for a while, and now it's smoothies! Whenever he is in one of his obsessions phases I am expected to facilitate it.

Anyway, when he makes smoothies he uses the blender. And every bloody piece of fruit and drop of milk we have in the house. He then forgets to clean the blender and worktop and leaves a smelly, sticky mess for me to clean up. Our blender doesn't go in the dishwasher as it needs taking apart to clean, and takes ages to do.

He made a smoothie yesterday afternoon and left the blender jug, the blender machine and loads of spilt smoothie all over the worktop. I left it and left it but to be honest it looked gross so I've had no choice but to clean the worktop today. DH then phoned me from work and asked me to wash the blender up because "He'll fancy a smoothie tonight" Oh and can I go and get some bananas and strawberries too?

I told him no to both of the above, and apparently I am being unreasonable because I have Mondays off work. I would wash the blender if it was easier to clean but it is absolutely caked with thick dry smoothie as he didn't even bother to rinse it after use.

AIBU?

OP posts:
lacktoastandtolerance · 09/06/2014 15:11

Anyone else really want a smoothie right now?

I don't think you need another voice to tell you not to clean the blender. I'm not sure leaving it without saying anything is that useful either, but ask him to tell you, specifically, why he thinks you should clean the blender after his smoothie-making exploits and if he can name any specific examples of similar favours he does for you.

Don't get involved in tit-for-tat games.

My DH does not have a natural tidy gene

That's because there isn't one. Wink

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 09/06/2014 15:13

Fuck him. He wants that stupid stuff he has to do all the work.

And buy frozen fruit etc. works better. He does know smoothies have sweet fanny ann health benefits doesn't he? Will only get fat lol!

Georgethesecond · 09/06/2014 15:15

He doesn't forget to clean it. He leaves it because he doesn't want to do it and he knows you will. You have to stop doing it.

whois · 09/06/2014 15:25

Surely everyone just chucks in some hot water and washing up liquid into the blender and gives it a good whizz if the blender isn't dishwasher safe?

Why why why leave something which then takes an age to clean when you can do that?

People who leave muck to dry on piss me off. Takes 2 seconds to clean when wet!

hedgetrimmer · 09/06/2014 15:26

I think its petty not to clean it up,BUT,i am basing that on my relationship that i have with dh,where we both clean up after each other,sometimes i leave stuff lying around or dont clean up after myself,so does he,sometimes we clean up after ourselves,sometimes we dont because we forget,or were tired,or were in a rush,and someone else ends up doing it.

Cant you just talk to him,say "dh you keep leaving the blender and loads of old fruit skins all over the side every time you make a smoothie,its really annoying me and makes me feel like you think im just here to clean up after you,could you make sure you clean it up next time?"

Personally i think that is more mature than what others have suggested.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 09/06/2014 15:26

Quite often i'll bring the shopping in and leave it on the table instead of putting it away, or i'll decide to clear out my wardrobe and then leave the piles of clothes in the corner of my room. It's because i cant be bothered to finish the job- i do the Enjoyable bit and then dont much fancy the boring tidying up bit. But at least i own it. I dont expect my dcs to come in and clear up my room because i fancy wearing some of those clothes again. It's fine to be a lazy fuck- it's not fine to expect others to cover for you so you can avoid admitting you are being lazy. It's even worse to turn your guilt about being lazy onto someone else and make out it's them with the problem.

BravePotato · 09/06/2014 15:31

OP why do you even ask?

Why does he think it is ok to CALL you to clean his shit up for him, she he has made the conscious decision to leave it for you to clean up (as he doesn't fancy it)

My DH loves bottled beer, drinks LOADS of it. But never shops or recycles. So I buy cans or nothing. He complains. I say I buy bottles when the old ones get cleared away by him occasionally. this doesn't happen, he'd rather go on a bike ride. So I don't buy bottled beer.

hedgetrimmer · 09/06/2014 15:33

Or you could look at it another way (i am at serious risk of sounding like a hippy here,which isnt far from the truth)

It would be a nice thoughtful thing,for you to do,if you did clean the blender and buy him some fruit for his smoothie.Its kind.

Would you like it if he did that for you?

Dont you think he would be more likely to do those kinds of things(thoughtful,kind things) for you if you did those for him?

YouTheCat · 09/06/2014 15:40

I'm all for being kind and thoughtful in the sort of relationship where it is reciprocated. It doesn't sound like the OP has one of those.

OP as the blender has many component parts, I'd clean it. I'd go and buy him his fruit. And then I'd hide accidentally lose one of the parts. If he complains tell him maybe he should clean up after himself so he can make sure nothing gets lost?

hedgetrimmer · 09/06/2014 15:51

but it has to start somewhere doesnt it?

Breaking/hiding/losing the blender will not make him anymore thoughful and helpful will it,it will just look petty.

I cant imagine a man being so upset over a dirty blender!They would either clean it,or ignore it,not start a thread on mumsnet bitching about it.That is why we dont run the world yet! Grin

HazelBite · 09/06/2014 15:54

Just thank your lucky stars he isn't into juicing!

Ds 2 has progressed from smoothies to "juices". However when he takes the juicer apart little peices of fruit and vegetable pulp fly off and stick to anything nearby in the kitchen. I have banned the juicing of kale as it gets everywhere!
I end up wiping down cupboards the fridge door the washing machine etc as he doesn't see it although he does wash the juicer up eventually.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 09/06/2014 15:57

It would be a nice thoughtful thing,for you to do,if you did clean the blender and buy him some fruit for his smoothie.Its kind.

Lets fix that.

It would be a nice thoughtful thing, for him to do, if he did clean the blender after use and replace the fruit he used whilst picking up his own smoothie fruit. It's kind to clear communal family/ work spaces after yourself so that others may enjoy the use of that space.

Do people not know the phrase "leave things as you find them"? I thought that was a basic lesson everyone learned in childhood. It's common sense, it shows respect for others and your environment and it means nobody is cleaning up shit they didnt leave there.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 09/06/2014 16:02

Lets try this.

OP's new hobby is waxing her body hair. She does a different body part every day, leaves the wax pot and her used wax strips on the bed where her DH sleeps. She doesnt clean up any of the drips of wax on the floor or bed linen. Then she calls her DH from work and says "hey i'm waxing my chuff tonight could you clean the pot and bed and go get me some more wax strips?"

Do we think he DH should just be 'kind' and do it, continuously, every day? Would YOU? I sure as hell wouldnt.

shaska · 09/06/2014 16:09

I am all for doing nice things for ones partner. DH cleans my oceans of half empty tea mugs, I file his neverending trail of bits of paper, it all works out.

What I think is not on AT ALL is issuing instructions to clean something you made a mess of, so that you can make a mess of it again later. Especially if it's your personal mess. If I were to ring DH to remind him to be sure to wash up my favourite mug so that I could have half a tea in it when I got home I'd expect him to be waiting behind the door ready to throw it at my head on arrival. Though he'd probably wash it first, for extra comic effect.

Original poster
IAmNotACleaningService · 09/06/2014 16:14

hedgetrimmer, do you live in 1950? Anyway, why should I keep doing all the 'kind' things in the vain hope that he might do something kind for me one day. The more kind things I do for him the more he takes for granted. In my experience.

Sillybilly, I'm loving the waxing comparison Grin

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 09/06/2014 16:14

Hedge, it shouldn't have to start anywhere. He should clean up after himself and not issue his partner with instructions to do it for him. His hobby, his problem.

OnlyLovers · 09/06/2014 16:18

I cant imagine a man being so upset over a dirty blender!They would either clean it,or ignore it,not start a thread on mumsnet bitching about it.That is why we dont run the world yet!

That's one of the dimmest things I've read for a long time.

Oh, apart from the rest of your post where you counsel doing EVEN MORE for this selfish lazy git, rather than doing less and asking him to do his own clearing up.

Original poster
IAmNotACleaningService · 09/06/2014 16:18

hedgetrimmer, I've just read back over some of your posts on this thread and would like to clarify the following, as you seem to have made all manner of assumptions about me:

  1. I am not 'so upset' about it, nor am I bitching about it. I am merely posting about it on a public forum.

  2. I do kind things for him, always have done. I can't see where in this thread I've said that I don't

  3. Doing the above doesn't make him do more 'kind' things for me. He rarely does anything for me. I think I'm pretty 'kind' in that I do the bulk of the housework, laundry, cooking, shopping, and caring for his children. And working.

  4. Your comment about no wonder women don't run the world yet is actually quite horrifying.

OP posts:
CheckpointCharlie · 09/06/2014 16:21

sillybilly Grin

YANBU. What an arse.

hedgetrimmer · 09/06/2014 16:22

Well its true,are you saying its not true?

Men just dont seem to get bothered by this kind of stuff,women do,if you look on any mens forums there would never be a thread like this!

If you dont think this thread is bitchy then maybe you need to read it again.

I could just be more laid back about this kind of stuff than most.It really wouldnt bother me,i would do it for my dh and he would do it for me.

Original poster
IAmNotACleaningService · 09/06/2014 16:25

Well good for you hedgetrimmer for having the kind of perfectly harmonious relationship where you do things for each other and it's all sweetness, light and fluffy bunnies.

Not everyone has that.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 09/06/2014 16:25

Really? Men don't seem to be bothered by this stuff? Seriously?

i would do it for my dh and he would do it for me.

That ^ is the point. He wouldn't do it for her though.

My dp likes to concoct weird protein drink things. He clears up after himself. I am having a bit of a fresh fruit salad frenzy at the moment. I clear up after myself. Why would I leave a mess for him or he leave a mess for me?

Paq · 09/06/2014 16:34

Hedgetrimmer you are posting all sorts of nonsense on this thread. Some men care about blender cleanliness, some women rule the world (or at least their countries).

This isn't a gender debate. It's an "inconsiderate shit vs dumped on partner" debate. Gender is irrelevant.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 09/06/2014 16:44

yes its nice to do kind things for each other.

It is not nice at all for a person to make a mess of something, want to use it again but not want to clean it up so call their partner and issue instructions to clean it for them.

Doing something nice is not one person following instructions and doing whatever shit job the other one does not want to do.

OnlyLovers · 09/06/2014 16:46

Maybe men don't get bothered by this kind of stuff because a) unfortunately, there are still plenty of women willing to sort it all out for them (or at least who will sort it all out for them unwillingly ...)
and b) if the women in their life DON'T sort it out for them they belittle them and call them 'nags' or, in this case, 'awkward' until the woman gets sick of it and just does it. Society supports the tired idea that men are fine, just laid-back, not bothered about the small stuff, and women are nagging harridans. The whole thing continues.

So yeas, sure, it's the OP at fault here and she just needs to be more 'kind'. Hmm

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