To Have Got Really Annoyed With My Mother Re Foodbanks?

[GoldenGytha]

I have a very difficult relationship with my mother and barely see my parents but was there today with DD2 for their Golden a Wedding, only stayed for about an hour but that was more than enough!

This might kick off, but the conversation turned to supermarkets and Foodbanks, and my mother's pearl of wisdom wad that no one needs a Foodbanks as they should be able to make soups and stews etc, she also said that if they had no money that was their fault for not budgeting properly, and no one actually "needs" a Foodbanks.

I am a single mum on disability benefits and although I've never used a foodbank, I've been pretty close at times. This post would be far too long if I told you everything that was said, but basically I told her there were so many reasons why people use Foodbanks, and it wasn't as simple as just saying "Make a Soup"

She started to lecture me saying they were all tired of me "sticking up for all those people" all the time, and I had no idea what I was talking about.

They're avid readers of the Scottish Daily Mail, and believe every word it says

I am on ESA too Diaimchlo, which apparrently is "terribly shameful" as are my mental health problems and my mobility problems due to arthritis and other conditions are not nearly so bad as I make out, according to them. No, I'm just a workshy skiver it seems

goldengytha I sympathise! As my parents have gotten older, and as I have gotten older, I find my opinions and those of my father are diverging further and further. What I find odd is that when he was younger he thought much as I do. But as he ages he is increasing obsessed with people "taking advantage of the system". He focuses more on immigration but it'sthe same principle - the 1% exceptions that make the news outweigh the 99% legal, hard working people. It's reached the stage where I had to choose between permanently damaging or relationship by having an almighty row every time we see each other, or ignoring it. Now I change the subject, sometimes really clumsily if there's no other way, but for my sanity and for my poor mother who has to look on, it's best not to start talking about it! I don't feel great knowing I don't challenge him and if we weren't related, well, we wouldn't be friends. But on some issues you just aren't going to budge people because their views are irrational, unreasonable and not based on facts. Take solace in the fact that yanbu ;-)

Is it impossible that any Foodbank users might, with the benefit of hindsight, have budgeted differently and not needed to use them? No, of course not.
Is it possible that some Foodbank users are taking the piss? Yes, of course it is.
Is it possible that some Foodbanks users are in genuine need of others' support? Yes, of course it is.

Food banks are a good thing - they are the 'Big Society' in action! Those of us that can afford to help others and choose to do so, should be encouraged to do so.

What is disconcerting is the reduction in tolerance of opinions deviating from our own. My parents hold views with which I disagree, so do some of my friends - yet somehow the world continues to turn....

What is disconcerting is the reduction in tolerance of opinions deviating from our own

What I find disconcerting is the blame culture and the othering of social and ethnic groups and the desperation to say 'who can I blame' rather than 'how can I help'. It's all a bit 1930s for my liking.

Sorry to derail the thread a bit, but how do I donate to a food bank? Is there a website for local banks or anything?

Not related to food banks but my Mother also thinks that teachers are work shy lefties and only complain about Gove because they are too idle to do the 'little bit of paperwork' that they've always had to do.

"You'll find, Chandler. that when you make people do their job properly then you won't be popular."

said with a patronising smile and head tilt.

She says this even though one of her children is a teachers who left teaching due to stress and she witnessed the meltdown of her Y6 granddaughter who didn't know how to 'up-level' her homework and her 15 yo granddaughter keeps moaning that Gove 'ruined history'.

Yanbu my dad is the same he goes on about we managed to survive the miners strike we did not manage mum went with out we got food parcels of undisclosed meat he forgets , soups and stews need to cook for hours and if folk are on metres they cant afford it , your mum is out of touch there should be no need for food bank s in the uk sadly the need seems to be getting greater sadly

themaw Google trussel trust and a lot of supermarket's have donating points

That was one of the points I made MrsJavy, that maybe people can't afford to have the cooker on for the time it takes to cook all these soups and stews. I've certainly had times when I've been down to the last few pennies of the emergency credit (On a meter) and days when I've had no electric at all. My mother wouldn't believe me when I said that if you're on a meter you don't carry credit over like you do on direct debits sometimes. She just would not listen when I said that whatever you put into a meter gets used, and there's no "rebate" as she called it.

Maddening

God rebate she is on another planet isnt she, the gas emergency credit when we had the prepaid was £2 you cant cook a stew on 2 quid, some people just dont get it,

Agree that the level of intolerance towards people less fortunate is frightening - media and politically fuelled? If we fight amongst ourselves we are distracted from fighting the government?

themaw and Mrsjayy it's actually better to google the name of where you live and foodbanks because not all food banks are run by the Trussel Trust - if you put my postcode into their website it'd have you believe there are no food banks here. There are at least five in local towns but they are all independent and run by local churches.

Oh yes thats a better idea our local one has its own name but is a part of the trussel trust iyswim, also church es can run them too

Its true about the devide thing if we are bickering and judging amongst ourselves then the goverment can get away with anything

Am also reminded of something I heard on the radio recently - can't remember what context - how if words are coupled often enough, then when we hear one word we hear the other too - and whilst I don't watch television or read a newspaper, I am very aware that the word benefit is now linked with the word scrounger. Shame on the society that I live in.

GoldenGytha, and yet you're the one who has mental health problems?!

Yes words said often enough stick, phrases put together will imprint themeelves and people start to believe, the one that gets my goat is hard working families lots of politicians use this when they want to distract

Sko and Mrs, that's very interesting and I'd never thought of that before, but it really makes sense. I was sitting in a cafe near a yesterday with my husband and got into conversation with another gentleman, regarding how nice it was there and how much we like it. He said it was hard to leave it and go back to work and added, "are you both heading back to work after this?" When I responded that my husband and I no longer work because of his health he actually gave me a dirty look and turned his head away! I was embarrassed but didn't want to explain to a stranger that my husband has cancer and I'm his carer. I suddenly realised that this was the way it was going to be. My husband and I are now benefit scroungers or he's a 'chancer' scamming the public purse!

My mother was born in 1926. Her mother regularly boiled up bones for stew because she couldn't afford meat. Her father grew vegetables to pad out whatever food they could afford. He regularly cycled 26 miles a day in the hope of finding work. They rarely visited the doctor because they couldn't afford his fee. Fruit was a rarity, unless it was home grown.
This was the reality for many people at the time.
For my grandparents life did eventually take a turn for the better and by the time my mother was 10 her father had a good job and they bought a house, but I don't think they ever forgot what they had been through or took things for granted.
I am a supporter of food banks because I would not want to see a return to those times. In those days a distinction was drawn between the deserving poor (those who struggled to get themselves out of poverty) and the feckless poor (who didn't). The same probably applies today, but it doesn't mean that we should give up offering help.

My feelings exactly, Larry, we should never stop helping anyone, no matter what.

None of us know what's round the corner, anyone could find themselves in need at any time.

My uncle once suggested that I was more in need off winter fuel allowance than they were, and she hit the roof! She said it was my choice to become a single parent and I should have stayed with XH as my divorce would bring shame on the family, and it was my own fault anyway that XH hit me, as I am "difficult" apparently

The more you tell of her, OP, the more she sounds like a piece of work. I'm surprised any of you have any contact with her considering what she thinks of you.

I know of one in Glasgow where they give to all who ask - no voucher system!

A family member runs it so I know this to be true!

Theres a couple of programmes on tonight about people needing to use food banks.

The first one is Dispatches on channel 4 at 7.35

The second is 10.30 called Banking on Benefits on Bbc1.

The second one is set in a town where my aunty lives, I go tgere all the time so will b interesting to watch.

There Be

Golly Gytha it gets worse and worse!

With all their horrible views and the way they speak about you have you given any thought to cutting contact with them completely? Surely you don't want your DC to pick up on the bigottrf and offensive opinions they keep spouting?