To Have Got Really Annoyed With My Mother Re Foodbanks?

[GoldenGytha]

I have a very difficult relationship with my mother and barely see my parents but was there today with DD2 for their Golden a Wedding, only stayed for about an hour but that was more than enough!

This might kick off, but the conversation turned to supermarkets and Foodbanks, and my mother's pearl of wisdom wad that no one needs a Foodbanks as they should be able to make soups and stews etc, she also said that if they had no money that was their fault for not budgeting properly, and no one actually "needs" a Foodbanks.

I am a single mum on disability benefits and although I've never used a foodbank, I've been pretty close at times. This post would be far too long if I told you everything that was said, but basically I told her there were so many reasons why people use Foodbanks, and it wasn't as simple as just saying "Make a Soup"

She started to lecture me saying they were all tired of me "sticking up for all those people" all the time, and I had no idea what I was talking about.

They're avid readers of the Scottish Daily Mail, and believe every word it says

YANBU but then my own mail reading mother thinks single parents should have to live in a workhouse single parents home, so that they can provide childcare for eachother while they work. Thus costing the tax payer less. (I assume this only applies to the ones who claim benefits). This is despite the fact that I am a benefit.claiming single mum

matildasquared several people have tried reporting this bloke, but we kept getting the stock answer that we have no evidence he's spending his money on weed instead of essentials..... He's so far managed to avoid a conviction which would lend weight to our complaints.

I'm pissed off about it because I'm involved in a charity which at present is supporting this foodbank.

Nicki that's awful.

Every time.

You know what? You're right. It happens sometimes that there will be the odd person slipping into the Food Bank and getting some free food, when they're not technically eligible.

If you really think "the problem" with this whole picture is the odd person getting some unauthorised free Top Ramen, then I don't know what to say to you.

it is hard to imagine sometimes how people get into needing a food bank if you never come across anyone and only ever read the daily mail.

and then there is the stereotype of chain smoking sky watching hd tv benefits claimers....

and it is easier for some people to pretend it is all the food bank users own fault so they do not have to think whether they need to do something about it...

but as someone upthread said there is not much between being well off and needing a food bank. one lost job and the savings are soon eaten up. (if onemanaged to save any with rising costa and all) things you thought you could afford still need to be paid for before they are cancelled or face concellation fees and jobs may not come as easily as expected.

Matilda I get pissed off, not because this chap is getting free food, but more because as a result of his case, and the odd rare case that makes it into the media, some people locally have withdrawn some much needed support.

Then their priorities are fucked. They're looking for excuses to not support Food Banks, or indeed to really look at this problem.

Your're right, their priorities are wrong. So I'll try and chill a bit and think of new ways of raising support.

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/10/25/food-banks-myths_n_4161759.html

Yeah, or maybe challenge them to actually look at the figures and not fall for myths. I'm sure there's a way to do that tactfully. Somehow it's just not coming to me now.

I think I'll bookmark gertie's link, it might be useful........

My mum doesn't understand why people don't just toe the line. She thinks sanctioning someone because their bus was late is their fault because they should've anticipated that might happen and got an earlier bus just in case and if you can't sign on because you have a job interview then just calmly explain and it will be fine. She also thinks that DLA etc assessments all come to the correct decision and if you are fit to work then someone will give you a job that day and you will be able to do it. She simply doesn't acknowledge the domino effect or how disproportionate the sanctions are or that some people are just shit at dealing with budgets and appointments and some people are chaotic but it doesn't mean they should starve to death. She thinks poverty can be solved by giving the poor an economics lesson.
I read about a woman today who died two weeks ago. She was 30. She had her DLA stopped in Oct and was supposed to get PIP instead but she didn't get it. If it takes 6 months to get PIP then I don't see what you can make a stew out of.

That's exactly how my mother thinks too Chandler, she thinks that everyone on disability benefits and that includes me is just Swinging The Lead and lie through their teeth to get "past Atos" and that you can just get a job by asking for one.

I had a cousin who had Down Syndrome who died nearly 40 years ago and she still refers to him as "The M**l" which even as a kid I thought was awful.

To get back to the issue of foodbanks she just refuses to believe that anyone is just one accident or illness away from losing their job, and potentially their home.

I tell such people they spraff shite.

When I told my mother that the doctors told me I'd never be able to walk unaided again, and it was highly unlikely I'd ever work again, she said "you could if you put your mind to it!" .

She thinks people who are sick are swinging the lead, people on benefits are living the high life and raking the money in. She has got absolutely no idea what happens in the real world.

Yep My parents are the same. Mail readers....ditto.

My mums attitude was "well I had to work all the hours back in 1968 to get money towards the mortgage.

I pointed out she wouldn't be able to do that if zero hours contracts and workfare had existed back then How the fuck can you compare 1968 to 2014 Shes also said she didn't believe that someone in a mobility scooter was disabled. Just because she saw them accidentally knock over a display in the supermarket.
My parents are working class Tories basically. And I find that ppl like this are actually worse than the aristocracy. At least they've got the excuse of ignorance. My mum was brought up in the poverty of post war Italy. But insteaed of it giving her empathy her attitude is... well I was mugged so why shouldn't you be?

Ineedawittier there is a thread in Chat about the shocking events in Tuam Galway and there are some brilliant posts from mathanxiety on that thread about how misogyny and the attitudes towards the poor in rural Ireland (as well as religion) led to those atrocities.

Poor people could easily solve their problems by simply not being poor.

People need ingredients to 'make a soup' so where does she think they will get those from?

"They went hungry or ended their days in the workhouse windchime "

Actually we have only had foodbanks in the UK for about 10 years. No workhouses then.

In some ways they are like the American food stamps system - basically saying we will give you food but not money, because we don't believe you will spend your money on food, so we are going to give you food instead.

I guess it inspires more people to donate, but it it doesn't seem like the most effective way of helping people to me - getting people to buy tins of rice pudding or similar and donate them to people who don't necessarily need that particular help.

Reminds of a dear aunt I had, who used to say there was no poverty because in her day the poor ran around without shoes and now everyone had shoes. I could just imagine what would have happened if I'd dared to send my daughter to school without shoes!

The UK used to have milk tokens. They were used to buy stuff. When I was a kid, a lady I used to know sent me to the shop to get her some food with a couple. I was quite young, so don't know if there were restrictions on them.

there was no poverty because in her day the poor ran around without shoes and now everyone had shoes.

Well, these days people who visit our foodbank wear thongs (flipflops), because they cost $2 from the cheapy shops. So not exactly shoeless, but not really well attired.

YADNBU...... Your Mother needs to take her blinkers off, I would dearly love to spend a hour with her as this is a subject very close to my heart.

I am on ESA and so is my son, I can assure you that I am not "swinging the lead" I have 5 chronic conditions and my son has MH issues. We manage on our benefits, which may I add, I had to fight for tooth and nail, which added to my conditions. We are lucky that we have not been in a position to be sanctioned, but there are many that are for the most stupid reasons eg: being in hospital, being 2 mins late for a JCP appt (even though they can keep you waiting for however long they wish to), being at a job interview etc.......

When I can manage it I donate to the local foodbank as no-one knows what is round the corner.

Despite being baby boomer hippies who could have benefited from every golden moment of the post war settlement- affordable housing, social mobility, full employment, unionisation- my parents both think pretty much like the others on this thread. Plus racism.
Last time we clashed, I got 'we are sick of your smug liberal shit'!
Scarily, they also said that everyone thought like this and I didnt believe them- until the European elections...