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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To still miss my dad incredibly after 11 years.

58 replies

Filimou · 08/06/2014 20:51

Tomorrow will be the 11th anniversary of my dad's death. I miss him so much. He was always so kind and sweet and really funny. Everyone loved him.
He died before Id met dh so he'd never met him, missed my wedding and my little boy will never know what an amazing man his grandad was.
I always try and think of all the things I did get, all the times we had rather than what we didn't. But its so hard.Losing him was the hardest experience of my life, and the way we lost him too.
I miss him so much.
I have a great relationship with my mum but sometimes I just want 5 minutes on the phone to my dad.

OP posts:
ThePinkOcelot · 08/06/2014 20:54

I'm sorry about your dad. YADNBU. My dad died 22 years ago and I still miss him. Xx

Filimou · 08/06/2014 20:55

Thanks pink

OP posts:
Lancashiregal10 · 08/06/2014 20:56

I am so close to my dad and thank my lucky stars he is still with us. I would just fall apart if anything happened to him so I can totally understand 100% sending hugs x

thebodylovesspring · 08/06/2014 20:57

So sorry love, yes it's hard xxx

SelectAUserName · 08/06/2014 20:58

Thanks Filimou and Pink

Lepreporn · 08/06/2014 20:59

I feel exactly the same way op. It's 8 years for me since my dad died. I think about him all the time. He was only 54. It's never gotten any easier.

puntasticusername · 08/06/2014 21:00

YANBU. I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

CoffeeTea103 · 08/06/2014 21:02

Sorry op for your loss Thanks

Catnuzzle · 08/06/2014 21:03

Similar to you, I lost my dad over 14 years ago. He never met DH or my beautiful DDs. I still miss him and am angry about what he has missed out on. He wasn't a great Dad, but he was my Dad. The pain never goes away, just gets easier to bear.

NeitherTheChimeNorThePlace · 08/06/2014 21:04

Yanbu, I don't think we ever stop missing those we lose.

My dad has been gone 10 years and I miss him terribly.

Flowers
GreeboOgg · 08/06/2014 21:04

Massive hugs to you. I'm very close to my Da and fortunately he's still around, although not in great health and not close by anymore, and I know that once he's gone it will leave a hole that just can't be filled. That isn't unreasonable at all, it's just evidence of what great dads we were blessed with Smile

And your son surely will know what an amazing granda he had because you'll be telling him stories and tales of the things he did and the times you shared. Thanks

Charlie01234 · 08/06/2014 21:05

Oh I know exactly how you feel. I lost my dad 8 years ago to cancer and I think of him every day. It doesn't get any less painful. What I wouldn't give for an hour with him. Sending you big hugs and Thanks

brunette123 · 08/06/2014 21:06

YANU I lost my mum in 2000 and my dad in 2011 and I miss them so much I still cry and when I heard a song earlier today, which was in the charts when I was at school, it upset me as I thought of my childhood and felt another wave of sadness regarding my mum and dad. My mum told me no matter what age I was, I would always be her little girl and I feel angry at times that she died so soon in my life. I am so sorry to hear how you feel but I understand and am glad you found a good man and have a lovely son.

Wadingthroughsoup · 08/06/2014 21:08

I read an article this week, all about the grief of losing a parent. A quote that really stuck with me was something like: 'You will never get over it. You will get through it and you might get used to it, but you'll never get over it.'

I lost my dad 10 months ago, and my mum 8 months ago. Like you, it is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. The knowledge that I will never 'get over it' is terrifying really.

Thinking of you OP. I hope you can do something tomorrow to mark the occasion in some way, whatever that might mean for you. I wish you a gentle day.

Cnidaria · 08/06/2014 21:09

I'm so sorry. My dad also never saw my child, never saw me being a mum. It's so hard. Lots of sympathy to you.

SurfBoredCat · 08/06/2014 21:17

I'm so sorry about your dad.

My dad died, aged 49, nearly 16 years ago and I still miss him every day.
He would've been an amazing grandad and I still cry sometimes when I think about what could've been.

My family was turned upside down after he died and I don't think any of us have ever got over it. I love my mum dearly but I don't think she'll ever get over losing him. Sad
[thanks ]

SurfBoredCat · 08/06/2014 21:18

Oops that was supposed to be Thanks

BolshierAyraStark · 08/06/2014 21:19

No YANBU, grief is a funny thing.

Flowers
Boaby · 08/06/2014 21:22

Ach op I know what you're going through. It was just the 27th anniversary of my fantastic dad dying (he died when I was 7) and I miss him every day but it does get easier.

I talk to my dd about the great man that should have been her grampa & it helps to talk about him. Hope you're ok.

catsmother · 08/06/2014 21:23

I'm so sorry - many of us unfortunately recognise how you feel and there simply isn't anything anyone can say that'll make you feel better.

My dad died almost 22 years ago - suddenly, unexpectedly, and just 3 months after retiring. He had so many plans and was full of excitement about what he was going to do next - and they all came to nothing. My dad, despite being extremely kind and considerate, was a very reserved person and it was only in the last few years before he died that I felt we were truly starting to become closer, get to know each other better and develop an adult relationship. I really valued that process - and it was cut short just like that.

Unfortunately, I don't have a very good relationship with my mum. I feel like I lost the only parent who genuinely cared about me, and therefore, despite what many people would consider a long passage of time, I still feel his death acutely. There are still times when just for a moment I imagine he's still alive, e.g. just after waking up, maybe if I've dreamt about him, before realising with a lurch that of course he's not.

As you say, it's so incredibly hard to think of all the things he never knew - like knowing grandchildren. Perhaps selfishly, I'm also sometimes inclined to think that various aspects of my life might have been different had he been around for longer because he'd have almost certainly offered me a level of emotional support that my mum just can't (or won't) which perhaps would have given me the confidence to make different (better) choices. But overall, it's just this huge stomach churning feeling that you've lost someone so close with no real explanation - and how it doesn't feel "fair" (maybe that's selfish too ?). I suppose it's pointless but I often find myself asking (to no-one in particular) why he had to die when he did ..... but then I suspect anyone who's lost someone when it wasn't "their time" (however you define that) must ask the same thing.

I really don't know what the answer is - well, the answer is there is no answer. I sometimes feel deliberately bringing up old memories can be very upsetting, even if they're happy IYKWIM. But at other times I panic because I can't remember in "enough" detail.

It's really hard because the people right at the forefront of my life now never knew him so I can't talk about him really in any meaningful way. For example, he means nothing to my DP. My mum never seems to want to talk about him much except in passing and older more distant relatives who knew him are mostly gone now themselves. I guess my only advice would be to cherish your memories of him and take every opportunity to chat and laugh about him with people who knew him as well so you're not dealing with all your feelings of pain, hurt, disbelief and maybe anger entirely on your own. I hope you have people you can share this with who also knew him.

augustusglupe · 08/06/2014 21:41

Filimou YANBU I lost my Dad 24 years ago and I can still cry easily, like just now, when I think about him and what a great gaping hole he left in my life when he died. I was only 25, I'd had a nice fairly charmed life until that moment. He died very suddenly. It's affected everything in my life. I am the youngest child by 12 years so have also lost mum and my brother, I feel far too soon, but I know I've had a nice life compared to many and have a lovely DH and grown up DD.
You are not alone in feeling how you do
Take care Thanks

thebodylovesspring · 08/06/2014 22:11

I luckily have my parents but we lost my lovely mil just after dd was born and fil 8 years later.

As dh says it's the sadness of what they are missing as their family gets bigger. They had 10 grandchildren who were all young but are now all grown up/teens and have great grandchildren they never got to meet.

Mil was only 58. Not fair.

Hugs op.

SixFeetUnder · 08/06/2014 22:26

I understand. My father passed away on Wednesday and I'm just so sad right now. I didn't have a typical father/daughter relationship with him and he lived at the other end of the country from me but I loved him and I know he loved me in his way.

It will take me a long time to get over this so I can imagine how some of you are feeling Thanks

tallulah · 08/06/2014 22:33

We've just passed the 18th anniversary of losing my dad. It has got easier with time, but the children don't remember him, and Dc5 was born long after he'd gone.

catsmother yy to everything you said, especially various aspects of my life might have been different. I often feel quite angry for that reason. My mum doesn't have anyone to rein her in as it were, and when she's getting in a strop because we don't want to take her on our holiday yet again I think that actually we wouldn't have seen them for dust had he still been around.

chinam · 08/06/2014 22:38

YANBU, Dad died more than 20 years ago and it still breaks my heart.

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