To resent DH for having a lie-in AND a nap...

[sadsaddersaddest]

When I am hallucinating with sleep deprivation?

He woke up at 10 this morning. By that time I had given our 3 DCs breakfast, got the youngest two dressed and brushed their teeth, emptied the dishwasher, done two loads of washing.
Now he is sleeping on the sofa.
I have had two naps since DC3 was born 19 months ago, and that was when we were staying with his family.

If I say anything he will tell me that he had a "bad night".
Well I have bad nights every night because DC3 still wakes up 3 or 4 times, and I have to cope. I don't choose to stay up watching TV until 3 AM.

Sorry about the rant - I have no one to talk to in RL.

He sounds lovely.

Does he tell you that you are lazy and selfish?

So it's your job to do everything and his job to do fuck all. Nice.

Why are you putting up with it?

aqua I cannot discuss it with him. I get very emotional and cry easily, which allows him to say I am unrational.
When I worked full time and he was a SAHD to one child, with a much smaller house to keep tidy, he expected me to do half of all the housework and used to sit me down to lecture me about what a crap wife and mother I was.
I wish I had known Mumsnet back then. I would have recognised the big red flag waving in front of me.

Please go and wake him up and go for a kip yourself.
Sleep deprivation is a killer - I once blacked out from it trying to cook tea ( 7 consecutive night shifts and fucking building work next door)
And your H is a lazy, entitled twat!

God, it just gets worse.

Silly question but why are you still with him? He isn't going to get any better you know, quite the opposite.

Could you just ask him to leave?

And of corse you get emotional and cry - your sleep deprived! Its not used as a form of torture for nothing !!

previous I have already posted on the Relationship board. I have been considering the options for months, but it is easier said than done.

He doesn't do "fuck all", but when he cooks, or cleans the living room, I am taking care of the DCs. I have to do both at the same time.
He has no idea of what it is to look after 3 DCs all the time (we home educate) and do the housework.

DH is around now (computer in the living room) - I'll try to be back later.

Well, personally, I'd dump him, stop the home educating and put your youngest into a nursery a couple of mornings a week. Then tell him he can have the children on Saturdays while you have some time to yourself.

Job done.

If you dont want to sleep this late at least take a bath or a walk or something that absents you from the house...and yes I also think things need to change on a longer term basis for the sake of you and your kids

Well, bingo - he took the kids out for one hour so that I could do the ironing. That's my me-time.
fairy I'd love to go for a walk but he doesn't like me leaving the house alone. Apparently a woman who leaves the house on her own without a good reason (ie work or shopping) is looking for extramarital sex.
I know things need to change, but I feel ground down.

Wow, sad. Just, wow. He doesn't let you leave the house on your own because you're a hussie who would jump into bed with any man who looked your way?

Leave. Leave now. Run and do not look back. He is not just a lazy selfish arse, he is abusive and dangerous. Please listen.

The earlier posts were bad enough but your last one leaves me looking like this What a controlling and lazy git.

He's very abusive actually op. Controlling and abusive. I know it's hard to think straight and feel strong when you have little ones to think of but this really isn't a good environment for any of you.

If it was JUST about the sleeping I'd say go and wake him up. Dh sleeps more heavily than me so I get up with the dc but I wake him up at the same time and then I am on his arse like a ton of bricks every ten minutes or so until he actually gets out of bed. I'll bring him a tea, text him loads of times telling him to get up so he can't ignore it and if all else fails I take the dc upstairs and let them jump all over him. I have chucked water on him before. There is no way anyone is having a nice lie in while I'm working my backside off unless it has been prearranged and I can enjoy the same in return.

Jesus Christ sad dam straight things need to change, that's abusive that is :(

Oh Op - I have e odd whinge about my DH but compared to yours mine is an angel. It's easy for us to day just talk to him about it or tell him you're going for a nap but just from the few posts you've made I can see why realistically this just isn't an option due to the kind of man he is. He sounds so controlling and reading this thread has really saddened me. I can't bear to think of women in your position, it's just heart breaking. Please, please find the strength to leave him if that's what you want to do x

Annie it's not that he doesn't let me. He would sulk and make the whole family miserable.
In the same way that I don't wear knee-length dresses any more because he would make a scene about me "showing my arse".
In the same way that we don't go to the swimming pool any more because he thinks I spend my time looking at men's genitals.

But that is abusive op because it is making you change your behaviour by bullying you into submission. Please look at the women's aid website.

Apparently a woman who leaves the house on her own without a good reason (ie work or shopping) is looking for extramarital sex.

Doesn't he realise that most extramarital affairs start at work?

Ask him to leave.

Do you have someone in real life to talk to?

OMG!

Showing your arse & looking at men's bits??

He thinks a lot of you, doesn't he?

You should have slept when he took the kids out.

Or packed your bags!

I have no one to talk to in RL. No one would believe me anyway because he has such a charming, selfless public persona.

Dinner time now. Thank you for your time, it feels good to write about it.

Wow. Just Wow.

You so need to leave this abusive repulsive excuse for a man.

Sad, if you are adjusting your behaviour to avoid his "sulks", as in that you don't go for walks when you want to, you have changed the way you dress and you don't go swimming, then you are being subject to abuse, you are being controlled, and you have to decide whether this is something you are prepared to accept. Perhaps he's not physically restraining you from leaving the house, but you're not going out are you? So, he is actually, in very real and practical terms, not letting you go out.

You do realise it's not's remotely normal, nor would most women tolerate it? The day my DH expected me to change any part of the way I live my life because of his paranoid delusions about me seeking sex elsewhere would be the day I left him.

It sounds to me as if keeping you sleep deprived deliberately. You've said that "I get very emotional and cry easily, which allows him to say I am unrational." I think that's largely down to sleep deprivation. I expect it keeps you docile and easier to manage.

I'm so sorry OP, but your husband's behaviour is beyond the pale. He's controlling what you do, where you go, I'm guessing also who you see? You say you feel ground down? Well, he's the one doing the grinding.