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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have no time for sick people

68 replies

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 08/06/2014 12:56

That's it really. I'm crap will sick people - it's one of my worst flaws.

I try and be a better person but it's just not in me. Thankfully I'm ok with the kids when they get sick but dh just pisses me off.

Him - "My back hurts"
Me - "well have you done the exercises the physio gave you?" (No he hasn't)

Him - "I'm really sick" he's got the same cold I have and yes it is vile but I've been carrying on as normal whereas he has basically been out of action for 4 days.

Basically I can cope with a sick dh for about 2 days then I lose patience. I'm the same with other family, I say I'm avoiding them because I don't want their germs but in truth I'm avoiding them.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 08/06/2014 13:05

I was a Carer, but in my personal life, I lose patience with people who don't help themselves, over less serious illnesses.

I've no time for people who leave symptoms then rock up to A&E, use Out of hours. Or who don't do what they need to to feel better/recover.

When it's something serious, I understand the reaction of denial, that's different.

I give understanding, but not sympathy.

Mrsjayy · 08/06/2014 13:22

I lost patience with my dad o holiday recently he wasnt well before we went stomach problems he didnt go back to the drs like he was supposed too saying he was fine he wasnt fine I told him to go to bed one day I was v snappy but he was being a martyr, I am not a heartless person honestly but people ho refuse to help themaelves annoy me, im the same with dh

Fleta · 08/06/2014 13:26

Surely you're being a bit hard on yourself. From what you've written, you're not crap with sick people but with people who don't follow advice, or do anything to help themselves?

EatDessertFirst · 08/06/2014 13:33

I am a bit like this I think. But only with adults.

DP gets a cold/bug and he refuses to take anything that could make him feel better. He would rather call in sick at work, whimper on the sofa and generally get in my way or just be there. I have zero sympathy and it makes me seem heartless.

On the other hand, if I get ill, I take something that will help the symptoms, minimise what I have to get done and rest as much as I can when possible.

YANBU. Just looking at your heartlessness the wrong way Smile.

CottonbudCatastrophe · 08/06/2014 13:37

It doesn't sound like you're crap with sick people. It sounds like youre unsympathetic to people who make life harder for themselves and people around them.

RubberBulletKisses · 08/06/2014 13:42

Oh yes.

DH: (Moans) I've had a headache for hours...
Me: Have you taken anything?
DH: (Moans) Nooo....
Me: STFU then.

immortalwife · 08/06/2014 13:54

Sounds like its more people who make a choice not to help themselves that you're cross with. Not legitimate complaining iyswim. Eg-

My dp has crohn's. He doesnt process food properly due to his disease so he is malnourished. He can't take immodium. Cant take ibuprofen. He can take paracetamol but it does nothing. Codeine makes him dizzy and sick. Tramadol sends him into a very deep sleep.

So if he gets a little cold, he's too weak to fight it off and has it for weeks. If he has a headache he can't do anything about it other than close his eyes.

And because he doesn't 'look' sick, people are impatient with him and tell him he is faking and lazy.

If you think my partner is unreasonable to confide to me he's in pain when he can't do anything about it then yabu.
If you think he's OK to do that then yanbu.

catgirl1976 · 08/06/2014 13:57

People who don't help themselves with minor illnesses annoy me

DH will be ill, not do anything about it and then leave me to spend the weekend doing the childcare and running myself ragged all weekend after a hard week at work. Instead of going to the GP or anything sensible.

He gets no sympathy from me.

I don't think you sound like you are crap with sick people. Just with people who have an easily treatable illness, choose not to treat and then moan. That's not Unreasonable.

CrohnicallyHungry · 08/06/2014 14:04

Slight hijack but immortalwife has your DP tried soluble paracetamol? If my stomach's bad (also have Crohn's) I don't digest pills very well but the soluble stuff is absorbed more easily.

justkeeponsmiling · 08/06/2014 14:05

Yes, same here! But I think this because, without really trying, I think I tend to compare how other people cope with their sickness with how I would cope if it was me, iyswim?
So if DH others moan incessantly about having a sniffle and are generally rendered incapable to do anything at all whereas I know if it was me I would just take some paracetamol and crack on with it (usually because I would have no other choice anyway) then that just pisses me off!

Catypillar · 08/06/2014 14:08

People coughing gives me The Rage. Even though I'm a doctor. IABU as they can't help it but it really irritates me. Good I'm not a respiratory physician.

ChubbyKitty · 08/06/2014 14:09

Yep sounds the same as me. DP will get this cold I'm just shaking off and all of a sudden it will be Bubonic Plague. Will he take tablets, drink hot fluids and get plenty of rest?

Nope.

Will he listen to the person who JUST got rid of it in record time for me because I'm back at work tomorrow?

Hells no. I clearly don't know what to takeHmm

Will he get any sympathy or cups of tea from me?

I'll answer that with, all I got from him was a cup of tar that he assured me was coffee.

YANBU.

Although, permanent/life-threatening/debilitating conditions I'll accept, it's only things like colds or cat scratches that I couldn't give a shit about.

My friend showed us a mole she didn't used to have. Obviously, we all told her in no uncertain terms to go to a doctor. This was over a month ago. She's said she's still worried about it, she asked her mum and it certainly wasn't there before. ConfusedHmmAngry

bangs ahead against wall

ChubbyKitty · 08/06/2014 14:11

Oh catypillar. The coughing. The incessant, shaking the bed coughing. gibbers

Blackjackcrossed · 08/06/2014 14:17

Dh is like this. He changes from the most lovely person to irritated and impatient - my illness is one big inconvenience and he only wants to know when I'll be better, I get nothing in the way of affection until I'm better and he's the same with the dcs.

But when he is I'll, even a cold, it's bed for 3 days and he has the worst cold ever in the whole world.

It's become a bit of a joke in our house, he keeps trying to be better but he is truly rubbish!

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 08/06/2014 14:26

DP does this.

Starts coming down with a cold. Instead of staying in, keeping warm, taking 2 paracetamol and resting he'll go out to his friends and play wargames in a freezing shed, only take 1 paracetamol (no idea why - I've told him 1 does feck all) and come home at 1am.

The next morning after 6 hours sleep and a night shivering his arse off he feels shit.

Who knew?

Hmm
ChubbyKitty · 08/06/2014 14:45

KingJoffrey my DP takes one tablet as well! It riles me up, I can't be doing with them being popped out the packet in a disorganised manner.

Ememem84 · 08/06/2014 14:53

I have no sympathy at all with sick people. A while ago all of us at work had a cold at one point or another. I stayed in work got on with the day, took bucket loads of paracetamols/lemsips loads of tea, loads of water and used a ton of tissues. No complaining. Just rested when I was home and tried to get through it. Colleague has except the same thing. But dragged herself in, claimed she was such a martyr, sat at desk an cried because she felt so awful. Refused to take anything and refused Togo home.
Aaaaah

ScarlettlovesRhett · 08/06/2014 14:56

Lol.

I have crohn's and have been quite sick over the last year, so have relied on my husband hugely.

But see when someone else is sick and martyring (with the not going to doctor, not taking something for symptoms etc) I rage.

I am an awful hypocrite with not liking sick people Blush

chocolatemademefat · 08/06/2014 15:03

I really can't be bothered with my DH when he's ill. Just get to bed and give us all peace. And no, I don't want to run up and downstairs with drinks and toast.
He has a cough just now and spoils every TV programme. I'm fed up rewinding to find out what's going on.
Could never be a nurse - apart from to my children. I'd do anything for them. Anyone else - don't even tell me if you're ill.

OurMiracle1106 · 08/06/2014 15:08

I have no sympathy for self inflicted injuries illnesses ie hangovers sorry flatmate im not nurse material however those caused by injury from sport etc I have some sympathy for but even that doesnt stretch very far.

I am however very good with animals that are sick or hurt. Just not people :)

wafflyversatile · 08/06/2014 15:08

this is just human surely?

'whinge whinge'
'advice advice'
'ignore ignore'
'fume fume'

We've all been on both sides of this exchange haven't we? Hmm

CorusKate · 08/06/2014 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foslady · 08/06/2014 15:38

Ex used to do my head in with this. I'd catch whatever, dose myself up and get on with it catching early nights to try and catch up on sleep. He on the other hand wouldn't take a damned thing, play the bloody martyr and use his 'illness' as an excuse to do even less than the usual bugger all, his symptoms used to last twice as long and then say 'You take the easy route, I try and fight it'........Angry

Can you tell it still rankles.....?

Mrsjayy · 08/06/2014 15:58

Probably waffle but it is so damn irritating , incidently dad has been diagnosed with ibs I sympathise I just wish he had gone to the drs sooner bloody stubborn man,

ChubbyKitty · 08/06/2014 16:16

Dp has got up, with cold, and whinging, refusing medicine.

Now should I use my future seeing powers for good or evil?