Dealing with bad feedback at work

[Tearyweary]

I am posting this here for traffic. I need some advice regarding a work situation.

I work in an office, and I am usually quite good at my job. All my work goes on to be reviewed by a manager.

The office I work at is run autonomously, but there are branches of the same company, all run independently of each other. Occasionally, people from one office will do work for managers from other offices.

I did some work for a manager from another office. Amongst the documents that she sent me, she did not update a date. (Document said 2013 instead of 2014). I went by the date and thought the document was from last year. As a result there was a mistake in my work - it would have taken one hour to correct it. I put my hands up and said I'm happy to correct it but she told me not to touch anything.

Subsequently she read out emails that I sent to her in her branch. I was not there but people who were said it was in a manner to make fun of me. So everyone heard of it in her branch and subsequently people in her branch told people in mine.

Subsequently she has liaised with my manager from my branch to arrange to give me feedback on my work. This has been arranged and cancelled at the last minute a few times. Each time I feel physically sick building up to the date.

I spoke with my manager and ended up in tears over the whole thing. I am upset that I have made a mistake, but ultimately there were errors on both sides. But what I am most upset about is that my manager knows about my emails being read out and her making fun of me, yet he still wants me to go ahead and meet her for the feedback.

I am not sure if I should:

1. Accept and appologise as this will make it end sooner.
2. Explain the issues from my point of view.

I am not proud that I cried with my manager but I cannot cope with this. I have said this to him in so many words. I do not want to cry in front of the other branch manager but I may not be able to control my emotions knowing that my emails have been read out etc.

AIBU to feel that my manager is not dealing with this properly? How should I react?

Hopefully someone with more insight will post soon, I didn't want to read and run.

The only thing I can say OP is that you should always fight your own corner - do it calmly, reasonably and rationally - but do it.

Being a massive pushover has caused me so much grief in employment over the years (not saying you are a pushover!) and I wish that I had the guts to put my point of view across.

Good luck

Even if you did make a mistake this is not being dealt with appropriately. Your managers repeatedly postponing the meeting is unacceptable. Does your company have an HR department? I would arrange a meeting with HR to ask for informal advice on how to deal with the situation. Can you take a colleague to the meeting with you for moral support?
Attend the meeting and if you are still unhappy raise a grievance.

No-one likes negative feedback. It's human nature. We all mess up from time to time (your manager included). Don't be so hard on yourself.
I also agree with objection about fighting your corner. xx

Where I've worked it'd be more normal for her to give the feedback to your manager who'd then discuss it with you. Seems a bit odd that for her to make a big deal of coming for a face to face appointment over it. Could you suggest that as she's struggling to make the time & keeps rescheduling she discuss it with your manager by phone instead?

I'd be reflecting it back 'so, it's my fault that you supplied the incorrect data, right then, what would you have wanted me to do to avoid that happening again, bearing in mind it was your incorrect paperwork to start with?'

I can't see why you're taking responsibility for even a bit of the mistake (when you said 'but ultimately there were errors on both sides').

She fucked up (even if it was only minor) and didn't change the date, how could you possibly have known it wasn't from last year?

You offered to correct it and was told not to.

What more could you have done?

What 'right' has she got to give you feedback anyway, she's from another branch. Why is your manager letting her do that? Why can't your manager do it themselves?

I agree with Objection, best case scenario is to put your side of it across while you're calm and professional. That's so easy to say when you're not in it, but it is possible even if you think you might get upset. You could try writing down what you want to say in as few a words/bullet points as possible, then test out how you're going to say them (probably better if you can do it in front of someone else).

Is there anything you can think of which can give you a bit of strength if you feel yourself crumbling in the meeting? Maybe something that makes you a tiny weeny bit angry, then you can draw on it to keep yourself from crying?

It's shit though when you've got to spend so much time there

This other manager sounds like a power hungry bully.

How dare she attempt to poke fun at a junior colleague.

How dare she start office gossip about you.

You know when newspapers mess up and print something that turns out to be wrong they have to print a retraction. I've always felt the retraction should have to be the same page and typeface as the original error.

I feel this no doubt insecure bully should have to admit to all her staff and publicly to all your office colleagues that she got the date wrong which is why you worked with her date.

Possibly, without knowing full facts, you could have checked that it should have been 2014 not 2013 - but the date was her error and if you had not been asked to change the date then surely you did your job?

I would want closure so I think I would send a short factual email summary of events to my line manager and ask for a quick review by conference call if necessary as the incident needs a line drawing under it as it is causing stress.

I meant to ask about how it got back to you that she'd read out your emails, are you 100% sure it happened as you understand it?

The info must have gone through a few people to make its way back to you, you'd have to ask why they decided to tell you.

I'd probably not dare do it myself, but I'd be tempted to ask her whether she'd read them out, she must have known it would make its way back to you, why would she do that? If it was a power thing then that's pretty serious isn't it?

What an appalling so called manager! So you made a mistake? Who hasn't? If it had been dealt with straight away my advice would just have been to apologise again, take it on the chin, allow yourself to feel grim about it for a day and then move on. However, since they have treated you like this this is what I would do. Speak to HR about the constantly delayed meetings, also about her reading out your emails and about the mistakes on both sides. What a horrible woman!.

Thank you everyone for the support and advice.

It is not normal practice for another branch manager to give face to face feedback. On occasions good or bad feedback would be given via phone or though the local branch manager.

I am sure that my email was read out loud. Someone from there told me so, and it was reported to me from a number of different sources. They all had the same story.

I think that I feel very let down by my manager for allowing all this to happen. He has heard about the email being read out etc and he is still making me go through the feedback. He said that he will be present in the room as well. Just the thought of going through it makes me feel sick.

I'm tempted to go through the feedback, and then leave a leaflet about bullying with her at the end of the meeting.

I work hard. I always put in more hours and effort that is asked of me and as a result my work is of a very good standard. I have repeatedly been told that I perform over and above expectations. I just feel that I have given so much and that at least my manager should have fought for me.

I'm more hurt than anything. I need to do something to stop me from crying. Does caffeine help?

The OP didn't make a mistake though Tangerine, it was the manager of the other branch.

If she accepts it as her mistake it could affect how other people view her work, and feed the shitty managers idea that she can dump on the OP whenever she fancies it.

Don't be upset be fucking furious!

Tell your manager first thing Monday that you are not going to sit through feedback for someone else's mistake and you want an apology for the mishandling of this situation or you will be taking it further as this is bullying behaviour and you are not standing for it, and whilst he is at it he needs to support his staff not let her walk all over him.

Sorry I may have been misleading saying there are mistakes on both sides.

To explain a bit further. In my field of work, it is common to "roll forward" documents. Basically, the word/excel document that was used in 2013 may be used again in 2014 and again next year. So the only way to differentiate is to change the date. It is a big thing.

The manager did not change the date. It is correct of me to assume that the document was from 2013. My local manager says he can see where the mistake came from.

The other branch manager's view is that I should have known that it was the wrong date. Or I should have questioned this instead of working with the assumption. In both cases, this is not big enough a reason to call a face to face feedback.

I just feel sick.

You need to shift the balance in your head to concentrating on the fact that they think you're a great employee and who the fuck does she think she is treating you like this?

Fuck your manager, you don't need them to go through this in a positive way. Don't let it knock you, you're good at your job and that's not going to change!

I would raise a grievance against this person.
They supplied you with incorrect information.
They refused to allow you to correct the error that arose from their mistake.
They have belittled you in front of colleagues.
They have repeatedly organised a meeting in which to give you their feedback on your work and then cancelled causing unnecessary stress.
You feel that they are intimidating you into accepting responsibility for their mistake.
You have tried to resolve this informally with your manager without success.

Take a copy of all the emails and ask colleagues who were there if they will be witnesses.
If you are in a union speak to your rep.

Sorry you are going through this.

I had a bad review with my line manager. Like you there were mistakes on both sides.

In my case she was meant to be very experienced whereas I was brand new to the role. I'm not sure how best to advise you but when it happened to me, I took on board what was said and then outlined what I felt were the issues and how they came to be.

I will hands up take the blame for my own mistakes but I won't be the scape goat for anybody else's.

Is your manager intimidated by the other manager?

You'll have to question everything she sends you making sure the rest of the office knows about it if you work with her again, you have no choice

Why is she blaming you? She is a poor kind of manager if she's making a scapegoat of you to cover up her mistake.
Your own manager should be supporting you more.
Put it in writing that you want the feedback by a certain date and definately have someone else there with you.
You have to point out to her that the date you used was the one she quoted. I know it will be difficult but practice deep breathing and try as hard as you can to remain calm.
The fact that she read out your e-mails is grim but she's obviously that type of person. If she gives you bad feedback tell your manager you want the fact that she made the original mistake taken into account and noted in your file.
I can't stand people who try to cover up their own mistakes by blaming someone further down the ladder. Unfortunately a lot of us have experienced this but with your past good work record I'm sure the company you work for will see sense. (And tell her to fuck the fuck off and be more careful in future hopefully)
Good luck.

FunkyBoldRibena I have tried. My manager's view is that anyone would want to talk deserves the right to be heard out. So he is making me go through this. He says the bullying is a complete different matter, and will be dealt with separately.

The saddest part of this is that I used to look up so much to my manager. I don't think I can bear to look at him anymore.

I have spoken to DH and I will leave the position as soon as I find another one. It's relatively easy to find other positions in my field.

AgentZigZag my manger and her are both at the same level. He would have to work with her again, whereas I guess I am not that important to him.

littledrummergirl thanks for this. Yes, I will take copies of communications, and I may summarise the events as you did. That is pretty to the point.

Agree with littledrummergirl.
She has made good points.

I hope this works out well

My manager's view is that anyone would want to talk deserves the right to be heard out. So he is making me go through this. He says the bullying is a complete different matter, and will be dealt with separately.

Erm, she waived that right when she belittled you in front of colleagues. Follow what little drummer has said and put a grievance in. Shocking behaviour.

Mistakes are a nightmare but can you help put this in perspective? what was the consequence of the mistake? Did anyone get physically hurt? Did the firm lose money? Did it cause problems for a client or deal?

I dont understand why your manager is letting this happen? Feedback should come via him imo. Given the issue with reading emails he should get her to write a note and discuss with you. she shouldnt be able to deliver this info herself unless she is his superior in some way? Would it be too strong to write a letter to.your manager to put it to him formally that this woman has acted inappropriately by reading out/mocking your emails and it is therefore innappropriate to allow face to face feedback so written feedback via him would be more suitable?

It is ridiculously OTT to come from another branch to have a face to face meeting about such a mistake, a mistake that originated with her.

It is unfair and unprofessional for a manager to try to pass the buck for their mistake to someone junior. It's unfair and could be considered bullying to keep it hanging over you by cancelling several times.

It's silly that your manager is allowing it to go ahead rather than backing you up, providing a buffer and saying no more than 'I'll ask Teary to double check any time she does work for you again in case you make a similar error. Bye'

She should be hauled over the coals for mocking you by reading out the emails like that.

Have you asked your manager what they are going to say to defend you in this meeting?

Yanbu. At work we use the BOOST feedback model (you can google it). It is supposed to provide a more balanced view where feedback is also supposed to give you positive viewpoints as well. The way my work sold it was that it was a more balanced way of giving feedback.

Feedback is also two way. You are also entitled to give her feedback as well. Sounds like she could do with some!