Dealing with bad feedback at work

[Tearyweary]

I am posting this here for traffic. I need some advice regarding a work situation.

I work in an office, and I am usually quite good at my job. All my work goes on to be reviewed by a manager.

The office I work at is run autonomously, but there are branches of the same company, all run independently of each other. Occasionally, people from one office will do work for managers from other offices.

I did some work for a manager from another office. Amongst the documents that she sent me, she did not update a date. (Document said 2013 instead of 2014). I went by the date and thought the document was from last year. As a result there was a mistake in my work - it would have taken one hour to correct it. I put my hands up and said I'm happy to correct it but she told me not to touch anything.

Subsequently she read out emails that I sent to her in her branch. I was not there but people who were said it was in a manner to make fun of me. So everyone heard of it in her branch and subsequently people in her branch told people in mine.

Subsequently she has liaised with my manager from my branch to arrange to give me feedback on my work. This has been arranged and cancelled at the last minute a few times. Each time I feel physically sick building up to the date.

I spoke with my manager and ended up in tears over the whole thing. I am upset that I have made a mistake, but ultimately there were errors on both sides. But what I am most upset about is that my manager knows about my emails being read out and her making fun of me, yet he still wants me to go ahead and meet her for the feedback.

I am not sure if I should:

1. Accept and appologise as this will make it end sooner.
2. Explain the issues from my point of view.

I am not proud that I cried with my manager but I cannot cope with this. I have said this to him in so many words. I do not want to cry in front of the other branch manager but I may not be able to control my emotions knowing that my emails have been read out etc.

AIBU to feel that my manager is not dealing with this properly? How should I react?

Also what was the impact of the mistake? Was it minor? Did it cost the business any money? Loss of reputation? Even so, mistakes happen. Otherwise she is making a mountain out of a mole hill. She was behaving unprofessionally if she belittled you in front of other people. Try and take the emotion (easier said than done) out of it. What is the resolution? That next time she provides a clearer brief? She needs to take some responsibility for the outcome too.

tricot39 The mistake did cost the firm - the time cost of someone correcting the mistake. However the client was not affected in any way. In fact, the client bumped into me a couple of weeks ago and actually thanked me for the work I did.

That mistake was from early March time - so the feedback session being cancelled and rescheduled has been hanging over me for 3 months. My manager knows that I have been upset all this time. I can't believe he is allowing this to happen this happen.

My DH is working in another country for a few months. My manager knows this. While I am not expecting any special treatment, I feel that my stress level has hit the roof. I cannot eat or sleep. I had some blood tests done last week. I keep fainting and feeling light headed.

I could in theory put a grievance in. However this would be career suicide.

Take notes of what you want to say into the meeting and do not let yourself be bullied and browbeaten

Think before you speak

Take someone in with you if at all possible.

I was suspended at an old job for something that was absolutely nothing to do with me. I was mortified and just wanted to jack the job in then and there. I went through with the meeting, clarified several points and issues that i had with the allegations and ended up coming out with absolutely nothing on my record as it was all rubbish. Stay strong and do not fold.

If it has been 3 months how come he has not dealt 'separately' with the bullying issue already....?

Perhaps you could point out to your manager that you could take out a grievance against him for mishandling this so badly/not handling it all for 3 months.

If it's making you ill it's definitely the time for you to do something.

Work shouldn't make you ill.

It interfering with you eating/sleeping is bad enough, at what point would you say it's tipped over into too much?

You need to be 'firm' with your boss and really push for him to bring it to a conclusion, are you prepared to leave if they don't resolve it in say 2 weeks?

AgentZigZag I am in a training contract with the firm, which leads to a qualification. My training contract ends in a couple of months. I could leave with a month's notice but I will not have my qualification.

I think all sides are aware that I will not leave until I qualify. The thing is the whole episode doesn't make any sense at all. I work a lot for my local manager and he has always been happy with my work. He would not want to see me leave -although he may feel differently after I cried this week-.

My feedback meeting should be on Friday unless she cancels it one more time.

OK so noone is hurt or dead and the firm has maybe spent an hour resolving the mistake- 50 at most?? The client is unaware and happy with the work. There is no problem here - you would be unlikely to do the same thing again. Mistakes happen. You are on a training contract - er what do they expect?

In contrast the woman who wants to give feedback is really ramping up the cost - 2 cancelled meetings plus the third/final one plus her travel time/costs. It seems way over the top! She could come out of this looking rather foolish really.

Defo take someone in with you. Where are you? I'll come if you are near me and it is a Friday. :) Whoever you take get them to write good thorough notes.

If you have no other warnings then they can't sack you. If they try just keep going back into work until you get your training signed off!! I know that sounds mental but a guy at my work did that for years and several sackings and got away with it/got paid!

consider covertly recording the whole thing on a phone.

I suppose I am trying to say "what is the worst that can happen?" - sounds like she will get her moment to say her piece (which so should not be happening) and you say you have learned a lesson about dates.

The worst that can happen for them is that you will n finish your contract/training and get another job. They have a huge cost to cover to recruit another employee and train them. During your notice period you file a complaint about the woman and if you are feeling brave you ask for a face to face meeting to put your case! If you want lots of stress take them to tribunal (or not if there is little to gain).

your employers have more to lose than you here. do not forget that. these people sound quite stupid. sorry you are having to deal with this. try not to lose sleep over the mountain they are making of this molehill.

I really think your situation is unfair. In your position as a training contract I would accept I had made a mistake (albeit minor one where minimal cost and little impact to the client) and use the meeting to talk about how both parties work to ensure the situation doesn't occur again. So you could say you will thoroughly check everything in future and that she be available should you need to clarify something with her at short notice. Feedback should also be timely it shouldn't be hanging over your head 3 months later. I would smile falsely and leave as soon as I was qualified.
When I've had to work with horrible two faced people before I always have instructions or clarifications sent in email so that I have proof of what has been requested. You don't deserve this treatment at work and I hope it works out for you.

Hang on a minute. There are two issues here:-

1. This senior manager made a mistake. No-one else did, she made the mistake. Do NOT accept blame for this incident under any circumstances. Just keep reiterating that she had sent you the wrong document.

1. The bullying incident - sounds horrible. And from a later post, OP, it sounds like your manager has, at least tacitly, accepted that you have been the victim of bullying. In those circumstances there is no way on earth that he should subject you to a meeting with her. It is appalling management on his part. In your shoes I would make a note of what was told to you by the people who witnessed what she did with the emails being read out. I would also make a note of every time she has postponed / cancelled this 'feedback' meeting. That in itself is unprofessional at best, intimidating at worst.

Try to keep your head, OP - I know how hard that is. I was accused of bullying when I was 20 weeks pregnant. It was completely unwarranted and, in making the accusation, the person who made the accusation was actually trying to bully me himself. I wrote a statement, which I sent to my bosses, and the accuser eventually withdrew his accusation. I received a lovely letter from my bosses completely supporting my position and the accuser was moved on. But the stress was awful, I have never been so upset by something at work.

ACAS can be helpful, but they can also be a bit crap, IME. This leaflet should help though:-

www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=797

Good luck OP and stand your ground

OP I think your problem here is with your manager too. If another member of staff treated someone who worked for me like that I would be standing up for them. By implication its a criticism of his training/management of you.

Your manager is spineless and/or there is some problem between him and this other manager and you are being scape-goated.

I think you need to seek further advice. I'd be calling ACAS or going to HR. She is a bully who refuses to accept her responsibilities.

That's awful. She is clearly one of those people who is expert at blaming others for her mistakes. By getting aggressive with you; and making a fuss; everyone forgets it was her errors.

I know it's hard. But try to get angry, not upset. Be a cold, clear and professional as possible. Make it clear that the issue is that YOU didn't catch HER error.

I'd make a formal complaint about bullying too.

This sounds a horrible situation to be in, OP - you have my sympathy.

Your manager sounds rather weak and/or disloyal, unfortunately and there may be other reasons that explain his not standing up for you.

As others have said, keep a record of everything, stand up for yourself and look for another position as soon as you are able to do so (i.e. once qualified, if that's what you need).

Hope this gets resolved soon.

I think you should raise a grievance immediately. You should refuse to go to any meetings unless someone senior to both managers is present or you can have a union rep (better still an employment lawyer!) there to deal with this bullying.

The CAB may be able to help as well as ACAS.

Just to be clear - I wouldn't think that the work mistake thing is bullying, but this woman is clearly trying to pass the buck.

I do think the public humiliation bit is bullying and it is for this reason that I believe that the OP should not be expected to sit through a meeting with this woman.

Hi all,

Thanks for all the messages and advice.

Just to update you all, the meeting is meant to be going ahead as scheduled on Friday. Last time, it was cancelled the day before so... We will see.

My manager is meeting with her for 30 minutes beforehand to go through what is meant to be discussed with me, then I will be sitting with them both for an hour.

My manager tends to give away a lot through his body language and behaviour anyway. He has been alternating between warm and cold... Although the cold may be a response to me crying on him last Friday. (Not quite on him - but I did burst into tears about something petty then went on about the feedback)

From what my manager has told me, we will sit together and go over what went wrong. He is not taking any sides apparently but I do feel that he should be on my side.

This will sound pathetic but can I say that I am heart broken? I do realise that he is my manager and not my friend but I feel I have given so much to be treated like this. At my last work review, I asked him what I should improve on or change. He said just carry on as you are doing. I invest 100% in my work, and have always given much more than what was expected of me. I have spent mornings and evenings and weekends to make sure that my work is to such a standard that it facilitates his review process.

I know that I should not take it personally... But it is personal in the end. I just wish he would (sorry mumsnetters) man up?!

Would it be totally wrong to order him a DVD of Ben hur?

I agree your mgr is ineffective but, see the big picture - 2 months til you can leave and have your qualification. Don't blow it up in your head more and risk leaving without your qualification. Best thing you can do is just act professionally, don't accept anything that's not true in the mtg, and then start looking for a new position because it sounds like you work for a cr@ppy organisation.

Ps I think you should make sure you have it noted at the meeting that your previous feedback was all satisfactory and have it copied to HR in case the other mgr tries to affect your reference.

Gen35 I didn't realise that she could affect my future reference. I am really out of my depth with all this.

I think it's really unlikely, don't panic but just in case as I said make sure they note the meeting and you review and approve the notes, at the top of which should be that you've had x successful reviews over x number of months/years, all the positive stuff you'd want in a reference. Make sure you have those facts to hand - don't rely on the mgr to have it. Gets the other mgr on the back foot too, to point out your hitherto great record.