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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I let 17yr old DS go? AIBU?

83 replies

potbellyroast · 06/06/2014 21:53

DS 17 asked if he could go on holiday with a friend and his parents. 2 other friends his age will be going and they are following the parents there (300 miles) in one of the lads (also 17) car. I agreed as I am happy that friends parents will ensure as much as possible their safety. Will still be a nervous wreck until he gets home safely though.

He's now asked if he could go wild camping with these 3 lads plus another friend. The journey will be about 100 miles (no parents). I have no issue with the camping - I would say yes if it was more local or if i could take him there myself. My difficulty is 4 lads all 17 in a car knowing how they can wind each other up and the situation may become dangerous.

I would genuinely like to know if I am BU. DS think I am. Do you? Should I change my mind and let him go? Is this double standards as I've already said yes to the other holiday?

OP posts:
whynowblowwind · 06/06/2014 21:56

Oh I don't think it's double standards, you're just a lovely worried Mum:) but yeah I'd let him go, he'll have a great time!

Janethegirl · 06/06/2014 21:56

I'd let him go, you have to let them grow up and make decisions. Remember he could be married with one child at 17, legally.

littledrummergirl · 06/06/2014 21:57

I had left home and was living alone at 17 with my parents on the other side of the country.

In a year he will be classed as an adult and you will have no say in any decisions he chooses to make.

Yadbu

Annunziata · 06/06/2014 21:57

The car I do not like. How long has he had his licence? And is there no way they can go by train or by bus?

Original poster
potbellyroast · 06/06/2014 21:58

Hhhmmm. Thought you might say that traitors Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
potbellyroast · 06/06/2014 21:59

He's had his licence 4 months. No chance of local transport. I should let him go then. Sigh - my pfb Grin

OP posts:
BackforGood · 06/06/2014 21:59

'fraid I've let my ds go.......wibble......

Does seem a bit odd that you are worried about them going 100 miles on the camp, but have okayed the 300miles, when it's still 4 lads together in a car though....

samsam123 · 06/06/2014 22:01

I would feel the same as you yanbu puts you in a difficult position but I wouldn't want my 19 yo to go far in a car with his mates just don't trust them to be sensible v sad but you hear too many horror stories

Original poster
potbellyroast · 06/06/2014 22:01

True backfor but I thought as they were following parents they wouldn't be as daft.

OP posts:
Annunziata · 06/06/2014 22:02

I wouldn't let them go, but I am over controlling and I need to cut the apron strings.

Original poster
potbellyroast · 06/06/2014 22:02

I am terrified of them going all that way on holiday. I am trying to be brave ....honest!!

OP posts:
webwiz · 06/06/2014 22:03

There is no way I'd let DS(17) travel 300 miles in a friends car - I'd be ok with the holiday but not travelling that distance with an inexperienced driver. it would be train/coach for that one.

Penguinator · 06/06/2014 22:03

How well do you know the other boys OP? Unless they're a bunch of total reprobates or you know they're the type who'd drink/take drugs and drive, for example, then I'd be inclined to let him go (if he's 17 then he won't need your permission in a few months anyway). YANBU to worry though - that's just being a good caring mum!

Original poster
potbellyroast · 06/06/2014 22:06

They are a good bunch of lads tbh. They will no doubt drink but no drugs I'm fairly certain.

OP posts:
Annunziata · 06/06/2014 22:09

It's not drink or drugs, it is someone with only 4 months of experience driving 400 miles on a motorway when they will all be excited and hyped up! It is dangerous.

ICanSeeTheSun · 06/06/2014 22:09

I would educate him on drink driving, that would be my main worry.

Not that every young driver drink drives, but many don't know the effects of the night after.

MissMilbanke · 06/06/2014 22:11

Having a 17 year old is so difficult isn't ?

I'm guessing you know the boys he will be travelling with ? That makes the world of difference into mind.

Original poster
potbellyroast · 06/06/2014 22:11

Ok. AIBU at it's best. Was going to show DS the thread to say....."see!!' Everyone agrees with me!!" Hmm

Will give it some more thought tonight with DH and will probably let him go. picks herself off floor after fainting episode

OP posts:
MissMilbanke · 06/06/2014 22:12

Can you follow them Grin ?

Annunziata · 06/06/2014 22:12

I say novenas to St Christopher

I think he is fed up of me by now.

Janethegirl · 06/06/2014 22:13

My kids are way more sensible than their parents ever were. But I never let then know that :).

LightastheBreeze · 06/06/2014 22:13

I would let him go, there is always going to be worrying situations like this. Fortunately it does get better when they leave home. I can remember worrying about stuff like this when DS was 17 but when he left yo go to Uni it was a lot easier even though he probably did the same sort of stuff.

Original poster
potbellyroast · 06/06/2014 22:14

Friend who would be driving had promised to find a way without motorway driving. Although tbh would motorway be safer?

He also has one of those black box things which would charge him £85 if he drives badly (breaking, speeding,cornering etc).

OP posts:
Annunziata · 06/06/2014 22:17

Oh no, country roads would be far worse! Although the box thing is more reassuring.

How does the box know the speed limit of the road? He could be doing 60 on a 30 but be okay on the motorway?

Original poster
potbellyroast · 06/06/2014 22:19

annun. I wondered if it might have some sort of sat mac type satellite link?

OP posts: