Should I let 17yr old DS go? AIBU?

[potbellyroast]

DS 17 asked if he could go on holiday with a friend and his parents. 2 other friends his age will be going and they are following the parents there (300 miles) in one of the lads (also 17) car. I agreed as I am happy that friends parents will ensure as much as possible their safety. Will still be a nervous wreck until he gets home safely though.

He's now asked if he could go wild camping with these 3 lads plus another friend. The journey will be about 100 miles (no parents). I have no issue with the camping - I would say yes if it was more local or if i could take him there myself. My difficulty is 4 lads all 17 in a car knowing how they can wind each other up and the situation may become dangerous.

I would genuinely like to know if I am BU. DS think I am. Do you? Should I change my mind and let him go? Is this double standards as I've already said yes to the other holiday?

Just make him watch the episode of the Inbetweeners where they go camping first .

I hope that you realise that in less than 12 months he is an adult and go wherever he wants without your permission, as long as he has the money!

You are just as likely to have an accident close to home- surely he is of the age where he is always getting lifts with friends now?
I doubt if any parents are not nervous wrecks- you just keep it to yourself!
Most DCs are away from home at university in a year's time and you won't have a clue what they are doing!

One

I had to do a speed awareness course on that course they told you the percentages of accidents and where they occurred. Can't remember the exact figures but it was by far more likely to have a crash in a residential street. Followed by country roads then coming in last with less than 10% was motorway roads. So statistically he is more likely to have a accident close to home. I would let him go.

Just wanted to say I feel for you. I have no idea how I'll ever be brave enough to make this decision. Ds (20 months) loves sitting on daddy's motorbike and my heart sinks as I can see where that is leading. I have no idea how my parents had the courage to let me go on a boozy girls only holiday aged 18. I guess we just have to teach them as best as we can then let them go. They will be better people for having that freedom.

My son went on his first "boys holiday" at 17, I didn't want him to go but gave in after weeks of him going on and on. I never slept well that week, but he returned home safe and well. His now 27, still goes on boys holidays ever year. His been to country's I have dreamed of visiting, I still do not sleep well when his away and he don't live at home anymore. We have to let them go at some point.

At 18 (post A levels) and not long after passing my test I took my DSIS(16) to Blackpool.

It was 180 miles. I'd never been on a Motorway before. I'm not sure I'd even been on a duel carriage way.

I passed my test in rural Wales in a town with one rouser about and no traffic lights.

My parents must have been scared stiff, but the let us go.

You have to. DD1 is 16 her best friends are learning to drive. The day will come all too soon,

(Not that DD doesn't already have a hair raising hobby).

I couldn't. I've known two many teenagers who've died on the roads sadly. Definitely more at risk than an experienced driver, or a plane flight even.

Too many

Is the first holiday before the second? The first one isnt that bad because the boys will be following the parents so I am presuming a little convoy going on there, so the parents will have an eye out, and seems sensible.
If the second holiday is after, the boys will have experience of driving and being on hols together.
your son is a sensible boy, if it was me I would trust him.

Sounds like an episode of the inbeteeeners I don't know if I would tbh yes I know they are 17 blah blah but its quite far im sure the driver would fine, ive had a 17yrcold they are kind of daft

what s wild camping?
they are going camping somewhere that doesnt allow it?
is it illegal if they get caught,
who is going to stay relatively sober?
cant they go wild camping nearer home?

if it was an actual campsite 4 17 year olds would not be allowed.

I suspect its camping in a wood

Bless you, my mum was exactly the same with me, always envisioning the absolute worst case scenario whenever I asked to do anything on my own. On the one hand it is a scary thing to let him go, but on the other hand you're going to have to do it sometime. I'm sure your DS and his friends will be much more responsible than they are in your feverish nightmares!

DS used to camp in fields near home when he was 16 - 18. I'm sure it was maybe trespassing. I suspect they drank cider and stayed up most the night. I used to worry endlessly but it seems to be what they do nowadays. He used to roll home the next day.

The thing I would worry about is the alcohol with the one who is driving back that it can still affect you the next day. If he doesn't go this year though , he will just go when he's 18. I think you just have to trust they are sensible.

Dd used to camp at that age round about here though really its just an excuse to stay out all night I wouldnt be happy with 100 miles away though

I would ask them to make sure they traveled in quieter periods avoiding rush hours and to avoid motorways in bad weather such as heavy rain - or if caught in a downpour get in to a services.

Could the driver take a quick advanced driving course - would help their insurance and give comfort.

And you can get personal breathalisors so they can check the next day before driving.

I think you should let him go. Especially if you know the boys. He is nearly 18 and will shortly be able to make this kind if decision in his own.

The first time I went on the motorway was a few months after I passed my test. I was on my own, part of it was the M25 in the pissing down rain, there were narrowed lanes due to roadworks and huge lorries everywhere. I was absolutely fucking terrified. But I survived.

My mum was quite happy for me to do it because I was coming to pick her up from the airport!

I got there three hours early so that I didn't have to do the on my own motorway bit in the dark

I had 3 teenage boys at one time. They were 16, 18 & 19 when we lent them our 4wd to go camping round Europe. It was post GCE for the youngest and pre uni for the other two. They were away for 4 weeks and are still talking about it sometimes now they are 42, 44 & 45! They and the car were fine. I believe much beer was drunk and many cigs were smoked (not as bad then and all have given up) but no one was arrested or hurt in any way :) Let him go.

I don't know where you get that idea from slartybartfast. My son went camping with 3 friends when he was 16yrs. They booked in advance with all particulars.

I find it odd that we are talking about a DS who could be married with a child, or in the army, is old enough to drive and just wants to go camping.
I should be pleased he isn't wanting to go to Ibiza or similar.

The fact that people have driven long distances at that age and not had an accident doesn't make it 'safe' for the OP's son! To redress the balance maybe I should add that, tragically, four 17 year old boys were killed in a traffic accident near us several years ago? Surely the reason car insurance is so high for that age group is that - because they have little experience and are prone to feelings of immortality - they are more likely to have accidents!!

I get the almost grown up bit and the wild camping etc wouldn't be a problem for me. (My 17 year old ds is camping with mates this summer).

My ds being driven by someone lacking in driving experience with other 17 year olds in the car probably messing about and causing distractions would be a big concern. However good a driver he is, the other boy won't have enough experience to anticipate what other idiots on the road may or may not do.