To think water only at school is ridiculous

[Joanne279]

I'm having a gripe at my kids new school. We werent informed of the water only rule before we started.

Ds aged 6 and dd aged 9 (suffers with autism) now refuse to drink.

Ds, on the grounds he hates water. I gave him flavoured water which he likes, but the school said no!!!!!

Dd, has been allowed to take squash because is her ASD but now refuses to even take a drink because she's different to everyone else. She won't drink water at all.

The teachers all drink coffee/tea in the staff room but kids are water only! Surely the teachers should be setting the example?

I've rang the council who say the healthy rules are at the school discretion. I'm waiting for a call back from the head teacher because I think it's stupid! I could understand if I was sending them with coke or lucozade, but flavoured water a no no? Really?

Just wondered what you all thought x

Right let's strip this back because what happens on every single MN thread is happening here.

Alarm, I am really sorry about the problems you are having. The first comment I made on this thread, I made it clear that I was not talking about cases like yours, where the children have sensory issues. Are you getting any help with it? You must be worried sick.

However let's be honest, there are a lot of parents who are not facing a child with this type of issue, but a child who is stubborn, a child who they are actually a little bit scared of in some way, or a child they do not want to temporarily upset for their long term good. It's not just about water,it happens in all types of subjects.

I do a lot of work with early years parents and i see it there all the time too.

I don't care if I sound arrogant. The majority of children would rather drink sweet things without a doubt. That doesn't mean it's good for them, or that it shouldn't be addressed. There are too many parents already who feel disempowered and unable to address behaviours which they should be dealing with.

Gradual gentle change, firm consistency and loving support work to modify behaviours in almost all nt children. Deny it all you like that is the truth of the matter, and using the extreme examples to claim it doesn't, will not change that.

Kids can eat and drink as parents want before and after school. None of them will collapse if not allowed to have sugary drinks in the middle of the day. Most kids work on tables so spillages would create havoc I would have thought - ruined work etc.
I really don't understand why people get so irate about this sort of stuff. Water is a good habit to get into and schools are right to support it (and save themselves the hassle of sticky clean-ups and hyper kids).

Thank you, Rhonda. But I am an old-timer in the dietary stakes (and the MN ones!) and we get by. Yes, it isn't particularly fun at times. But it rumbles on ok, until idiots ( general, not specific, meaning thread tone overall) start proclaiming that all parents give in to their child's fussiness etc.

Yes, dd1 is an extreme example. But then, I know of (in RL) at least 9 other extreme examples. Who have all been subjected to the same patronising bollocks, and te same blanket rules. And who had all had to fight, been made to feel as though they are shit parents, and been made to feel as though they are fighting in isolation (when I first had to challenge the water only rule for dd1, it turned out that there were 3 other children in her preschool struggling in a similar manner, whose parents were being ignored. So that made 4 out of about 40- not a tiny percentage)

Yes, dd1 (and dd2 as it now turns out) have ASD. dx rate now stands at 1 in 60 (conservative estimate), so again, not a tiny percentage.

It is reasonably likely that a lt of the small children whose parents you accuse of 'giving in' or being scared of them may turn out to also have spectrum issues.

Life is not as black as white as most people like to make out.

"The teachers all drink coffee/tea in the staff room but kids are water only! Surely the teachers should be setting the example?"

OP, Don't be a dick.

Oh, and I agree re: small changes overtime. I still working on dd's drinking issues 8 years in. And will work for many more years. Sometimes, th end goal is so far away as to be almost out of sight. And adjustments need to be made in the short term to allow for the long game.

Rhonda I know exactly what your saying about people fearing their dc.

My friends dd had to have 4 teeth taken out at 4 years old that were supposed to last her until she was 7. All because she knew how to cry loud enough and hold out long enough for the sweet crap. Apparently that's real love to let a small child who has no facts about health or nutrition select their own diet.

I'm lucky in that my children both drink loads of water it's never been an issue for me.

In just not ignorant enough to honk I could chane someone else's child's ways in a month when parents have struggled for years.

To think

It sounds awful alarm.

But it is STILL a minority.

And the parents I mention, I am basing on my long term observation of their parenting, not of the children's behaviour on its own. I can see the difference between parents trying to parent well with a child that is having difficulties, parents who have poor parenting skills themselves (and my job is to try to support them to improve that) and parents who are having an off day (the other usual accusation on MN is that it's only a snippet of the parents behaviour, I work ?ith groups of parents in long term ways).

It's absolutely true many parents are disempowered.

There is a huge evidence base now as to the impact of different styles of parenting, this is the reason why the Scottish government is willing to invest so much money in parenting strategy and support, evidence based parenting programmes, early years collectives and initiatives - because for the majority of children they help. But even the stretch outcomes for Scotland recognise that majority is not all.

I wouldn't even dare to suggest anything that might help your child, because it's way out of my abilities, and yes I am sure you will have tried it before. I hope th diagnosis does mean you are at least getting some support?

AlarmOnSnooze. Welp. You've certainly convinced me with your personal insults convincing arguments. I can't possibly have had any experience of managing eating disorders at all. Nope.

Thanks, Rhonda (genuinely). I have 2 dds - dd1 was dx'd years ago, dd2 dx'd only recently.

I don't know what your work with young children/families is, but I have been involved with a wide range of professionals, and there are many who don't have the first clue. Throughout the 2 years plus that dd1 was in the dx process, I was treated as a parent who didn't have a clue, by a variety of people. As soon as she had her dx, I was suddenly the expert, who no one could help.

Most of the parenting initiatives are, ime, a load of bollocks. Yes, I do know that there are people out there who need to be told to change a baby's nappy more than once a day, and who need to be told not to give coke or red bull to an infant. They are also in a tiny minority, but all the initiatives get tailored to that point, which,leves parents like me, who do have genuine need as a start point (and those with needs not as extreme as my dd's, but nonetheless needs) patronised and ridiculed.

I am fine with the water in classrooms rule. I always have been. I am not fine with a compete ban on all other drinks at school at all times, because that would leave my dd unable to drink anyhting at all for a substantial portion of her waking hours.

I am fine (while on a rant) with healthy eating initiatives at school. I am not fine when my small children's up telling me she can't eat cheese as it is unhealthy. Or can't have ice cream more an once a week on holiday. Or can't have cake at two different birthday parties in a weekend, when it's the first time she has eaten cake (outside school dinners) in about 3 months. And all this because she has taken on board the healthy eating message from school. She's 7, ffs. And lives in a lovely affluent area where home knitted yoghurt and lentil and mung bean bake are staples. She really doesn't need to be worrying (as in actual proper worrying) about what she is eating.

From the crap you are spouting in here, pinealike, you clearly haven't.

makes no difference to me. I'll carry on with my faddy 2 year old, and my clearly (according to you) made up issues with my dd1. You don't seem to have much interest in actually helping people, just minimising their issues and telling them their problems are non-existent. Hey ho.

Can't we all just agree that other parents have made decisions that you wouldn't?

Why the need to determine if it's down to SNs or bad parenting or stubbornness or whatever. It's a decision people make that's different to yours that's all. I for one would t serve my child school meals ever again. Others feel they are the dogs bollocks probably are literally tbh

I allow my child sweets sometimes. Others don't.

I ff others wouldn't touch it, we ALL make decisions about what out kids do or eat or drink and we make those decisions for a variety of reasons of which none of them are anyone else's business tbh.

Assuming everyone's an idiot and doesn't know water is best is just ridiculous. We know. Some people just choose not to and that is their perogative.There is not one of us here who hasn't regretted a choice they made or hasn't made a mistake. I'm
Not perfect and neither are any of you. But the majority surely have happy healthy children who don't need anyone's concern.

It is much harder with your own child, they read your body language and they know you are concerned and will be grateful that they drink anything. If I had them I would tell them it was their problem, take it or leave it and they would know I wasn't bothered. A day long hike would also solve it!

Why do so many children have such a dislike of water? Is it possibly related to them being given alternatives to drink when they were young?

I know lots of people are saying that their children don't like water but I think that water is quite tasteless (unless you live in an area with particularly hard water) so why do some children dislike it so much? Is it because they have gotten used to having things that taste 'nice and sweet' to drink? Children in very poor countries don't have an aversion to the taste of water and would be quite glad to have some clean water so it isn't as though children are born not liking water. I know when my children were babies they used to spit water out but I presumed that this was because breast milk has a sweet taste and is therefore preferable but they did get used to water as they were not offered an alternative (just milk and water). If I had given them juice to quench their thirst when they were weaning would they have acquired a taste for it and hated water now that they are older?
I understand that children (and adults) often don't like the taste of many different things but they are usually things with a definite taste but water doesn't have much of a taste.
I'm very confused and would genuinely like to know why some children really don't like water because I have a nephew who apparently only likes redbull and Ribena (I kid you not) and his dad claims not to understand why his son only likes these drinks.

See, . I'm not sure about a lot of the healthy eating messages either, I read some things on here which make my jaw drop about what schools regard as healthy eating and Thr messages kids are picking up.

Cheese is great for you (just don't eat the whole block at a time).

The problem with putting any rule in place is that the minute you do, there are people whom it has a negative effect on. I am still naive hopeful dunno the right word that it is possible to have both rules which benefit the majority and flexibility to support the minority.

I don't know where you live but obviously I'm in Scotland and I can reassure you I don't do anything around telling parents to change nappies more than once a day (please god let social work pick up that minority of parents).

I certainly agree with you on the healthy eating messages rhonda

I mean school is where it makes the least sense at all. They have no nuts and no chocolate and water only rules and then serve cake and flap jack daily.

The kids don't know it's supposed to be "reduced fat/sugar" stuff ( and remember kids aren't supposed to be on low fat diets!!) all they see is cake daily and then their friend having cheese or squares of dark chocolate removed.

They don't like water because sugar is addictive. Given a plate of rich tea biscuits and chocolate ones they would go for the chocolate. Same thing. It doesn't mean they couldn't eat a rich tea if they were hungry.

Schools seem very confused about healthy eating but there can't be confusion about the positives of drinking water, without additives and colour. I can only assume that some of the adults making the fuss don't get the benefits of drinking water themselves and are not setting the example and drinking it when their child does. Of course your child won't if you don't.

Impatient - it's not that simple. Dd1 used to drink water, but now doesn't. Who knows why she stopped. Taste is certainly a factor, but not the only one. She wasn't weaned using fruit juice/squash/anything other than water.

Rhonda - be glad you don't have to lecture on amount of nappy changes. I have lived in areas such as those, and thankfully do not anymore. But even when dd1 was tiny, and I lived in leafy middle England with no hint of any social deprivation or badly educated parents, I was sent on crappy one-size fits all parenting courses which told me dd1 needed regular eating times and sleeping habits (when she HAD regular mealtimes, she just didn't eat anything resembling a regular diet, and slept 12 hours a night!) to cure everythign. Funnily enough, I didn't get much out of them, and there was nothing else on offer.

Delphiniums, you are talking rubbish. Sometimes, children don't like water. I am not keen myself, although have drunk an awful,lot more of it since I had children, to set a good example. I don't like the taste, but it isn't offensive enough to me to go thirsty instead. It is for my dd.

Oh, and both my dds wild go for the rich tea, instead of the chocolate biscuits, but I'm not sure what that is suppose to prove, given they both have substantial amounts of sugar.

They may not like it but if you go out for a day for a picnic and you all drink water they will get on and drink it! I have never known a child who is utterly hot and exhausted turn down water! I was out fell walking all day last week, we had a picnic and water- no one complained or suggested otherwise.

If a child has no sense of thirst Delphinim it doesn't matter how many bloody ten mile hikes you take them on they still would not be thirsty. In dire need of drink, yes, but not thirsty. Infact the more in need of drink ds2 is the harder it is to get him to drink. Yes, he is an extreme case but just reading this thread should tell you it is not that rare an issue.

We can't put it to the test but if I had random children and 2 plates of biscuits, very plain on one and chocolate on the other I know exactly which would go first! Given a jug of squash and a jug of water I also know which will go first! It doesn't mean you have it all the time and of course some children will go for plain and water.

AlarmOnSnooze, with such persuasive language, I'm amazed that more people don't listen to you. Carry on!