To think it's NOT ok to open my mail

[Babyleopard44]

Me & DH live abroad due to him being in the forces. We own a house in the UK that we don't rent out. I have mail sent there (bank statements, insurance letters, that sort of thing) because it takes any sort of mail around 6 weeks to make it to where we live, and DH has his sent to his DPs as he never changed his address and it's easier for him.
I send my DM round around once a week to collect and open my mail for me which is great. Until about a month ago when MIL decides she will open ALL my mail, including bank statements, when she popped round to the house (she knows it's all my mail as she gets DHs to her house and we are with different banks). I was so angry about this mainly because she then messaged my DH discussing how much money I had in my account!!
Anyway after getting over that I have just found out that MILs dad (GPIL) had been round last week and he has also opened my bank statements etc and discussed them with MIL who then messaged DH to let him know they had read them! I am so mad that they feel they can just read my private mail like that and then discuss it between themselves. I have never asked them or given them permission to do so.
Anyway, GPIL are coming to visit next week (DH is away so stuck with them by myself), WIBU to ask them why they opened my mail and politely ask them not to do it again? WWYD?

Fucking hell.

Don't bother being polite. It's illegal, as well as thoroughly disrespectful. Let em have it with both barrels; the more hormonal you can be the better, I say!

This sounds like one element of a big picture of issues though. NO ONE should think it's OK to let themselves into your house when you're there; and no one can insist on having a key to someone else's house.

I think you need to talk to your DH and then present a firm and united front to them.

I would actually have assumed that the PILs (MIL certainly) had already been through the drawers.

Oh yes I'm fully expecting to have had every cupboard/drawer snooped through already! Not acceptable but I obviously haven't seen her do it so can't say.
I'm definitely thinking send some crazy mail... Wonder if I can have a book sent about how to deal with crazy MILs and see if she takes the hint
I will be talking to DH about it and he will put me first, he always does, he just likes to think I'm over reacting which obviously I'm not

Can't you order some 'naughty' catalogues to your home address? I realize that it might put you on some undesirable radars but watching her squirm with the secret knowledge might be worth it. (But warn DH first of course.)

So what if they get upset about not having a key ? She should have thought of that before she invaded your privacy.

It seems that MIL regards your house as her own private doll's house, with all the redecoration upu didn't want and the insistence of being able tp come and go as she pleases.

Catthiefkeith lol.
MIL knows she did wrong, but feels confident enough to do it anyway?
Change the locks. So what if she doesn't like it? She clearly has no respect for you anyway.

ExMIL did this to me and I stayed quiet for peace's sake. My life would have been easier if I had nipped her power trip in the bud at that point. Gah.

I would get locks changed anyway, my mil insisted on having a key for reasons best known to herself and she would just let herself in, I don't let her have a key to where we are now. When we were on honeymoon she let herself in to our flat and then had a go at us on return to say what a mess it was.

YANBU, but you sound a bit wet. Grow a backbone! Tell them off for snooping, get your mum to change the house locks, and DON'T give them the new keys.

I'd either switch to online banking and stop paper statements or get your mail sent to your mums house. Or you could get a lockable outside mail box fixed to the wall and only give your mum a key.

If you use your husband work address and the BFPO address it wont take 6 weeks to get to you the BFPO is not that bad once it gets to the main sorting office for BFPO in the uk it goes ons the next avaible flight

OP you are too soft
The interfering will only get worse when your little one is born.
Your mil does not have boundaries and life will get a whole lot tougher with her.
Act now or you will regret it. She is an emotional blackmailer with her tears.
Basically....Grow a pair. For the sake of your baby.

I'd be livid! There's no excuse whatsoever and I'd have to say something.

You're actually under-reacting.

Don't let your MIL and her family treat you like this, just so your DH can have an easy life and MIL doesn't kick off.

Stop them having a key to the house, it's not necessary. And tell them snooping through your post is why.

You should certainly contact your MIL about this and tell her she has no right to open your mail. What a cheek. Fortunately, there are many ways of stopping her from having access to your bank account details in the future (e.g. stop paper statements and/or get mail redirected to your mother).

There is probably no point in asking for the key back though as if she's that nosy she will just get a copy made. I would just make it impossible for her to pry in the future.

Send yourself a really interesting letter for her to read - you've won the lottery/got cancer/something else that will really wind her up...then at the very end say "dear MIL GOTCHA - now stop opening my mail"....

Are you sure that your mail didn't accidentally get delivered to your PILs house along with your DH's and therefore opened by accident.Our postman seems to have enough trouble putting the right post through teh right letterbox!

You could send a note through the post and when she opens it she will see "STOP SNOOPING THROUGH MY FUCKING POST". Or paperwork to apply for a visa to some far flung place.

I'd send myself a letter. On that letter in big bold letters it would say 'STOP OPENING MY MAIL - I DON'T OPEN YOURS'

Snap Lenny!!!!

Larry

I am torn here. Would I go absolutely ballistic at mil and gfil and make sure they no longer have a key (that would also apply to the decorating thing too) or whether to set things up to "wind" them up.

Actually no. I would do both!!

It definitely hasn't been sent to the wrong house, they live in a different town and she states in the messages that they have been to our house and I had post so they opened it.
I really want to send that letter!! I might write 'private' or 'confidential' on it too then they won't be able to resist!

Ok, I have written a letter to send. It's just precise and to the point! This is going to be a nightmare if she opens it haha. Maybe she would throw it away and pretend it never came

YANBU. Once we were on holiday (only for a fortnight) and DM (who had popped in to our house off her own bat - we hadn't asked) opened my smear test results because "she could tell that it was from the NHS and it looked important". To this day she will argue that this was perfectly OK. I do not agree!

Somesunny that's awful! Not something you want anyone else to read first!
I really think they will all turn round and say I'm BU and ungrateful that they were trying to help me or something but I'm going to stand my ground!