To feel upset over a nasty email from a colleague

[charliexcy]

I have been off work since Wednesday with severe tonsillitis. Swollen tonsils, ulcers in my throat, can't speak, eat or drink very well and have a fever. I am on antibiotics now but still feel awful, particularly in the mornings as I wake up at 5am most days with the pain.

But I am the sort of person who hates being off work sick and will always try to come in. I tried to struggle in yesterday but ended up nearly in tears as swallowing pain relief was so agonising. I wanted to go back today because I hate letting my co workers down and I even phoned my boss saying that. But my boss told me to take Friday to fully recover and not to rush back.

The nature of the job is that I still have to work from home so I emailed some work in to the woman who is my line manager and got a response that made me feel quite upset. It was harsh in tone and was basically implying that things were not going well because of my absence and that I had caused a lot of problems by being ill.

Feeling quite down anyway due to the pain, I worried about this all evening. I sent an email back of a similar tone explaining that I didn't mean to cause inconvenience but I was ill. She has made me feel even worse and now the feelings of upset have turned to anger. I've felt guilty and anxious for not being there and have tried to make this easy for her by getting up at 6 every day to email her work from home. It's not like I've had loads of time off - perhaps 5 days spread throughout the year due to a cancer scare and treatment.

AIBU to feel upset about this? Not once has she even asked how I'm feeling and had ignored my emails prior to this one. In general, she is not a nice person and most of her emails are rude and condescending anyway, but she had no need to make me feel worse for being ill. Dreading checking my email now in case she's replied with something even worse.

Having h

Oh this phone.
Having heard about a particularly challenging HT and his staff bullying a colleague with pregnancy complications I can well believe this, sadly.

In all walks of life there are the cynical and easily exasperated who have zero empathy. Unless OP you regularly shirk or cut corners you shouldn't feel guilty for being genuinely ill.

Get well soon OP.

Foxy, you do know teachers don't get paid for their holidays, and do actually do a lot of work during them?

I've never heard any of my teacher friends say they have a harder job than anyone else, tbh. I couldn't do it, though, it's a bloody sight harder than any job I've ever had.

Wow!! Blimey, never have I been so controversial!

Seriously, all I was attempting to do was point out to the poster who said that op couldn't be that ill, a scenario that I know of where I could imagine a person who was really ill and having to email at 6am.

I wasn't suggesting that op was a teacher or, indeed that other jobs wouldn't require a similar scenario. I was just drawing from my own experience to answer a post that I thought was harshly suggesting op wasn't really ill.

To get all that from my little post is extreme to say the least and I think Foxy has some ishoos to deal with there that are entirely of her own projection.

And to answer your post Foxy, yes, if I had broken bones, I would communicate with my line manager as to where each class had reached up to in each topic but as I would then be off long term, I would expect a supply teacher to be organised to pick up the work. That might take a day or two though. Not being particuarly super hero-ish about it just doing what I do. It's seriously not a big deal to do it either.

I didn't realise you had been controversial WhereTheWildlingsAre

Neither did I!

Don't feel shit!!!!

My ex manager was really good at this! He was also really good at makng the other employees resent any other sickness any other would take.

Your ill. It's real . Fuck her.

I usually send in work if I possibly can, or at least point someone in the direction of where they can find it if I'm ill. Although when I was blue-lighted into hospital last year and stayed for a week for surgery etc, followed by a couple of months off, my HT said I was not to even think about work and they'd sort it. Even with something more minor, she's said things like, "clam, we love you, but you're not indispensable. Go back to bed and we'll see you when you're better."
Schools do not have to make life difficult for sick colleagues. I reckon it's more down to personalities.

I once had a row with my HOD because I'd emailed work in for the following day & not pasted it into the proper pro forma.

I had 3 dc spectacularly norovirus-spraying their rooms in turn, dh was the other end of the country, it was 2am & I was starting to feel my own stomach roil...

I told her exactly where she could shove her bloody pro forma. She apologised for being a twat & all was well.

Given there's previous with her being arsey in emails, I'd suggest a quiet word with HR or Union rep on your return - they should set her straight.

(& yes, I do still email in work, on the proper pro forma, if whatever's incapacitating me doesn't actually stop me typing - but it's because I know the rest of my Dept. will do likewise - we support each other - & equally, we understand if someone can't, & sort the work for them).

I'm a teacher, we are expected to e-mail in work if we are able to if it is a short absence- obviously in hospital, very ill etc. you don't need to. It's part of our sickness policy.

I've always e-mailed in cover work if I'm off with injuries, D&V, flu but was told not to worry when in hospital and off recovering.

Wow! Seriously, deleted for that? Jesus wept, I've seen it all now. Clearly someone is feeling a little delicate this evening.

What's your problem, Foxy? You clearly have a bone to pick with teachers.

Would you be happy for your child to be set random, disconnected work for days on end if their teacher were ill? It's just what teachers do (if physically possible). I have seen no martyrdom about it at all.

For those saying 'if you can set cover you're not ill and could just go to work instead', why don't you actually think about what you're saying?!? The OP has tonsillitis. And does a job where she talks all day. Can you not imagine a situation where she might not be able to teach, but is able to send an e-mail? Our staff handbook says that we have to set cover for all of our lessons if we're ill unless we're officially signed off. Obviously within departments we might play about with those rules a bit. It has been known for teachers in my department to just text 'can't get off loo for long enough to set cover. Year 9 did lesson 4 of the scheme of work last' just as when I was signed off with an injury that didn't affect my ability to think, I ignored the rules and wrote cover because I didn't want to make extra work for my colleagues and friends. But the point is that it's never as simple as "you're ill so shouldn't be doing any work", and the op is certainly not martyring herself, she's just doing her job. OP your HoD sounds like an utter dickhead. Yes, speak to HR, it may be that she just needs training on the expectations around managing staff absences.

'Our staff handbook says that we have to set cover for all of our lessons if we're ill unless we're officially signed off.'

Then your staff handbook is taking the piss. If you are off sick, & self-certificating as such, as opposed to a planned absence, then you cannot be expected to set cover.

You may choose to, if your illness doesn't prevent you, because it's the work that you want your classes to do or because you can do so easily & don't want to dump it on your colleagues, but you can't be expected to.

RavenAk, this is where teaching is a bit different to many other jobs.
You are right that in terms of rights, if you are off sick, you cannot be expected to set work or have anything g to do with work.
However, schools are teachers are aware of the practicalities of teacher absence. It isn't like the work can be delayed until the sick person is back, not that it is helpful for the pupils to be given work that bears no relevance to what they have been doing previously. Therefore, some kind of contact is extremely beneficial and sick teachers recognise this.
If someone is very sick, they might not manage a full lesson plan, just a one line summary of what they did last. That is better than nothing. Their illness might allow for producing something more detailed.
The consequences are that the person covering the lesson can deliver something more relevant and useful and the children can make progress.
Teachers are willing to do this when they are feeling ill, because they appreciate the impact on colleagues and on their classes. It is another way in which teachers don't really leave the classroom behind...and this is not said to make martyrs of them, nor to claim they work harder than other people. It is just recognition that in some ways there are differences to other jobs.
There will be times when sick teachers are unable to make contact with the school of any kind. Schools are aware then that they must not harass or nag teachers and can be I trouble for doing it. However, for the standard illnesses of a sickness bug or fluey type thing, there is an expectation of some form of contact and teachers generally are happy to provide it.

But lots of other jobs benefit from continuity. Teaching is no different in that regard.

Well nobody's claiming that this is unique to teachers, foxy. They're simply pointing out that there's a level of expectation that you'd enable someone to take your class if you were possibly able to.
I'm not a teacher - I could probably phone in sick without too much trouble, and make up the work on my return rather than have it covered for me.

8 days off, so far, in a year, is A LOT of time off. It may well be authentic, it sounds it, but nevertheless,it's a lot of time off.

ChocolateWombat - I'm a teacher.

I agree with everything you say about it being great if a poorly teacher can send in work. In fact, I don't think I've ever not done so, in all my years of teaching. On one memorable occasion with flu I attempted to dictate it down the phone to my then HOD, who told me after I returned that he'd suspected I was actually not so much ill as completely pissed, given the amount of sense I was making...

However, any setting of work is done entirely on a 'goodwill' basis, or because it is actually more convenient for the ill teacher to have a class complete a specific activity than to leave it to whoever's responsible for cover work to set the work.

It is entirely inappropriate to have a staff handbook setting out an expectation that staff who are not in work because they are too unwell to work should feel under any obligation to, well, work, by planning activities to be delivered by someone else. Any employer expecting a staff member to work when self-certifying as sick would be negligent in their duty of care.

TBH I usually find that if I'm in a fit state to sit at a computer planning work to be delivered by a cover supervisor, I'm well enough to drag myself in & explain to my classes that I'm at death's door so the deal is half an hour of worksheets followed by half an hour of a video...

I agree that is has to be on a goodwill basis.

I don't think it is wrong for a staff handbook to mention it (useful for new staff to see what is usual) but is needs to be phrased as something which is helpful, but that sick staff must decide on an individual basis if they can manage it.
Staff handbook should also make it clear who does have responsibility for setting work if a colleague is too ill to do so. It clearly is difficult for a HoD who is given little notice Nd who is also teaching themselves, but having a few stock lessons probably helps and it is always possible in secondary at least to set some textbook reading and questions from the text book....dull, but serves the purpose.
And when we are ill but could drag ourselves in, there is always a dilemma about if this is a short term fix, with the lo g term consequence of making ourselves more ill, requiring more time off in the long run. People can be martyrs about illness. As someone said upthread, no one is so indispensable that they must be there, regardless of the longer term consequences for getti g better.

I would just like to point out that teachers don't necessarily get up and type up a plan while off ill. Every lesson I sent in was planned at the weekend in advance, so I just had to attach it to an email. I don't think it's an indicaton of how ill/not ill someone is of they manage to set cover work.

OP, how unreasonable is your HOD!! She would have hated me - I finally had my tonsils out about 10 years ago after 2 years of constant ulcerated tonsillitis. I was off almost half of every month and had to beg for my operation. Not only was is a PIA work wise but my DS's were much younger and seemed to have a permanently ill mother. It makes you so I'll you can't do anything except retire to bed.

I'm in KS1 and we too have to phone/email when we're ill. The horrible thing is you have to make your mind up at about 3pm everyday if you're going back the next day. Sometimes that's easy, but other times you um and ah and feel guilty. My DH always says if I have to think about it I'm obviously not well enough to go back.

Yes, we do the stock lesson thing - we have a dedicated folder of connected but otherwise unused cover resources for each Scheme of Learning. Usually worksheets downloaded from teachit or TES, or a video on something related.

Attaching my own planning to an email wouldn't usually work, as it's then not going to be delivered by me. If my lesson plan includes a chunk of time discussing & annotating a poem, say, then a cover supervisor who's never seen it before is probably going to struggle. Or if I've planned anything that could involve moving around the room, working in groups, performing etc, then it's likely to turn into a riot in the hands of a supply colleague who doesn't know the kids & isn't great at classroom management.

I agree there's always a staffroom martyr staggering in with a dose of Black Death, but it's not me - I'm just quite robust, & find that working through most lurgies is less hassle than being off. Obviously throat ulcers & severe tonsilitis is going to put a stop to any teacher who isn't actually the Terminator!

Tonsillitis makes me cry. Its like pmt meets flu of the tonsils.

Get well soon. DON'T engage with this woman further. Eat good food, take your anti-biotics and sleep, when you return to work decide what to do. Chat to your hr?