To feel upset over a nasty email from a colleague

[charliexcy]

I have been off work since Wednesday with severe tonsillitis. Swollen tonsils, ulcers in my throat, can't speak, eat or drink very well and have a fever. I am on antibiotics now but still feel awful, particularly in the mornings as I wake up at 5am most days with the pain.

But I am the sort of person who hates being off work sick and will always try to come in. I tried to struggle in yesterday but ended up nearly in tears as swallowing pain relief was so agonising. I wanted to go back today because I hate letting my co workers down and I even phoned my boss saying that. But my boss told me to take Friday to fully recover and not to rush back.

The nature of the job is that I still have to work from home so I emailed some work in to the woman who is my line manager and got a response that made me feel quite upset. It was harsh in tone and was basically implying that things were not going well because of my absence and that I had caused a lot of problems by being ill.

Feeling quite down anyway due to the pain, I worried about this all evening. I sent an email back of a similar tone explaining that I didn't mean to cause inconvenience but I was ill. She has made me feel even worse and now the feelings of upset have turned to anger. I've felt guilty and anxious for not being there and have tried to make this easy for her by getting up at 6 every day to email her work from home. It's not like I've had loads of time off - perhaps 5 days spread throughout the year due to a cancer scare and treatment.

AIBU to feel upset about this? Not once has she even asked how I'm feeling and had ignored my emails prior to this one. In general, she is not a nice person and most of her emails are rude and condescending anyway, but she had no need to make me feel worse for being ill. Dreading checking my email now in case she's replied with something even worse.

It's the fact that teachers always think they work harder than everyone else and insist on broadcasting it to anyone who'll listen. That's what runs everyone up the wrong way and this is just another example of it.

Foxy, I don't remember saying at any point that I work harder than anyone else. In fact, I didn't even say I worked as a teacher in my OP so I'm hardly broadcasting it either.

Op, either you're ill or you're not. Either rest and recover or get into work. Whilst there's no excuse for a colleague sending snarky emails, I can see where they're coming from.

I don't think anyone has ever suggested that teachers work any harder than anyone else foxy. I think you're reading more into this than there actually is. OP didn't actually even say what her job was in her first post... Had she not been a teacher, I wonder whether you'd have been more sympathetic?

Lots of people work hard, lots of people work hard when they are ill & should be in bed getting themselves better. Let's not turn this into a teacher bashing thread please because quite frankly, the occupation is irrelevant. Line managers should not be making members of their team feel bad for taking time off when genuinely ill. If the line manager has concerns about a staff member's attendance, the correct & professional way to broach the subject is in a meeting on that employee's return to work. Not sarcasm in an email when the person is absent.

I am resting. I am in bed now but am posting on my phone because my throat currently feels like I'm swallowing razor blades so I can't sleep. Doesn't mean I'm lying about being unwell. I'm stopping posting now anyway though as I feel fed up enough without someone who has an obvious chip on their shoulder coming to bash me from behind a computer screen.

FoxyHarlow, listen to yourself.

"It's the fact" - no it isn't, it's just your opinion.

"teachers always think they work harder than everyone else" What? all teachers? How do you know what they think? Mind reader, are you?
Being charitable about your illogical post, I'm guessing you mean that's what teachers say. I challenge you to come up with some proof. Go on, why don't you?

"That's what runs (sic) everyone up the wrong way". No, just you.

Love the way you turn what is your personal reaction to an entirely imaginary situation to one that becomes everyones.

Bizarre. I blame your teachers for not teaching you how to make better arguments.

I can't see where she is coming from at all. If you're ill you're ill. If you are sending work in to help your colleagues out you deserve praise not snarky emails. It just shows a total lack of empathy. Stop sending stuff in and she can deal with it.
I would most def have a discussion about it with her or further up.

Well said echt! (I wonder if your a teacher & if so, does your username indicate that you might teach the same subject as me?)

Ouch... You're not your obviously.... What a mistake for a teacher to make in haste!!

Yes, a teacher, though not of German.

I'm not a teacher but I can see why it's difficult for a stand-in/supply teacher to pick up seamlessly without some kind of guidance as to where the class is at, and so why it becomes a cultural norm for an ill colleague to pass that information on if they're able. That doesn't necessarily mean they're a martyr or are working harder than someone in another job, it just means they are working differently.

I've had days when I was physically unable to get up, get showered, get dressed and drive to work but have still been able to prop myself up with pillows and send a quick "this is what you need to know about today's workload" email from my ipad. Once it was done, it allowed me to relax and rest properly. Yes, no-one's indispensable and I'm sure my colleagues could have found the information they needed eventually or fudged it somehow, but it was five minutes out of my day to make their day much easier.

I wouldn't do it if my manager was getting stroppy with me though! I've done it as a minor favour to help out my colleagues, not to get a virtual ear-bashing for being off in the first place.

Sorry to hear that you're so poorly

I would email her back cc HR Manager.

If anything, it sounds like she's pissed off because she's just realised how much you do in the office and is annoyed at doing things for herself rather than being able to delegate to you - or is having other staff asking her questions that they would usually ask you

Hope you're feeling better soon

I recall being off sick from work (broken foot). The Dr who saw me told me there was no way I could commute.
My employer wouldn't set me up to work from home.
Every day one of the managers rang 'to see how you're doing' but then would follow up with 'do you know when you'll be back?'
My role was within a team. Work came into a central point and was picked up by team members and/when they became free, so there was no need to harass me.
Despite the doctor's sign-off, this person had it in her head (?) that I was refusing to come to work and booked me an appointment with an occupational therapist.
I turned up to the appointment on crutches. He signed me off for another three weeks.
(The reason I know why the person assumed I was refusing to come into work was because the OT said "Oh, I thought you wouldn't go to work - I was ready to talk to you on a counselling level."

After this I stopped phoning/emailing in daily. I resigned shortly after my return.

Don't speak for 'everyone' Foxy especially don't speak for me. It doesn't rub me up the wrong way and I don't think teachers do broadcast how hard they work.
Charlie complain about your HOD and her tone. She's out of order.
Rest, eat lots of ice cream and cold drinks, take lots of painkillers and GET WELL

I'm a teacher and usually sort cover work when I'm ill because it's easier knowing where my classes are up to for me to set something that fits in. However, as a department we have a bank of work and resources that can be left for classes if it's not possible to set work. It's not a case of martyrdom or feeling like we have it harder than others, it's just the nature of the job - if I don't go in one day then there are five classes of up to 32 kids each that need to be usefully occupied. They can't all be put in an in-tray for me to handle on my return! I'm sure there are many other professions where an ill person has to sort some elements of their workload when off.

But when I had a really severe vomiting bug and was truly incapacitated, my colleagues sorted the cover work. It's certainly expected that a teacher will set cover but there are always circumstances when it's not possible. But it's not as simple as saying to the OP that if she's too ill to work she can't email in - it can easily be the case that someone can be incapable of teaching (standing all day, being energetic etc) but capable of sending a few emails. I don't see how anything that the OP has said comes across as suggesting the life of a teacher is harder than anyone else's.

Hope you feel better soon, OP!

Oh what a dose, poor you, had it once, it's horrible. Look after yourself, and forget about work until you feel a lot better. You will be better able to deal with that situation when you are back on your feet.

Another one who thinks you're way out of line foxy and no! I'm not a teacher, but I have a huge amount of respect for what they do and the shit they take.
OP your colleague does sound pretty mean, but try to put it out of your mind and get a good rest. Hope you feel better soon xx

I'm glad it's not just me who thought foxy was being unreasonable!

Get well soon OP!

Sounds like the tone of the emails was insensitive. Email is difficult and it is easy to come across or be interpreted differently to the intention.
You have pointed out that you didn't like the tone of the email to your colleague, and I think that unless there is harassment, I would leave it now.
You are I'll and it might be that you ar overly sensitive at the moment. You feel bad about being off work and so are more sensitive to how others see you perhaps than usual. I would not complain at this stage. Wait a few days until you are better and can look at it a bit more objectively. You may still hold the same view or decide there wasn't really a big issue.
I would keep any emails between you and the colleague. If you feel the behaviour was inappropriate, perhaps once turn you can ask HR about what constitutes appropriate contact from colleagues when you are off ill. If you really feel it is worth it, you could copy your colleague in on the response. Bearing in mind that you will have to keep working together, you need to decide if it is worth pursuing this or whether the email you have sent already is enough.
Hope you feel better.

A very similar thing happened at my work last year. Someone was genuinely really unwell, line manager sent a snarky email, ill colleague took said email straight to HR on return, line manager was disciplined. There you go.
rest up and get well. Tonsillitis is a bugger.

I would definitely take this up with someone more senior when you get back. And any proper line manager would take a longer view of your sick leave than five months. We all have periods where our sick leave is atypical due to something like a cancer scare or the need for surgery or somesuch. Any manager who uses that as a stick to beat someone with is an arse.

And Foxy you seem to have come onto this thread simply to air some grievance you have about teachers in general.

Aw OP, I hope you fell better . It's horrible feeling ill, feeling you are letting your colleagues down and then being bashed for it. It's not like you got sick on purpose. Your HOD sounds horrible and I'm not entirely convinced she's not my HOD.

Foxy teacher bashing. How original.

It's also worth mentioning it to your union rep.

I think I have always set cover when off. However, I have also been the one in school setting cover. Of course I can come up with a lesson in 15 minutes for a cover supervisor to deliver. If I had no free time and had to set the whole day I would delegate to other colleagues ie one lesson each. If the teacher was even too ill to tell us where the class was up to I would set a generic task loosely linked to the topic they were studying.

Definitely do not go in. I ignored tonsillitis and have a whacking scar on my neck and a week's hospital stay to show for it!

She shouldn't send snide emails but are you sure you are not just projecting? plus someone can be sympathetic that you are ill but also annoyed at having to pick up your work - its not your fault but it doens't make it easier.
And to FOXY - I had some of the same reaction - the thread did have a number of posts along the lines of I knew you were a teacher as you were so diligent and thoughtful - most professionals have the same attitude