to MIL's reaction to my baby news?

[Bitgruntled]

Am honestly not expecting everyone to roll over in wonder at the miracle, but am expecting my third DC and we told my MIL tonight. She seemed a bit low key about it (which is fine) but was immediately very keen to know whether this child would be a private birth like the other two, of which she disapproves as she used to be a midwife and thinks private births are "a waste of money". We said yes, and she pursed her lips. (She also has a bee in her bonnet that she thinks it's her son's money I am 'wasting', when in fact the money has come from my own lifesavings, and I have thought very carefully about 'blowing it' on all my private births).

Then she said "Well, when I looked at you I thought you'd put on a lot of weight, but didn't think you could be pregnant again." Bit rude! I am 6 months' pregnant by the way.

Finally, she said to my DH "Well, you are going to have so much less free time, which is a bit of a shame, but there you go."

I feel a bit miffed tbh. Is this a bit of a crap reaction or am I being oversensitive?

Yanbu, she sounds very rude! The only excuse I could think of would be if you or your dp owed her money and she could see you)( in her opinion) wasting the money on a private birth whilst not paying her back.

I am amazed slightly jealous that your not showing much at 6 months I'm 5 months and huge!

Looks like there's a lot of it about. We announced we were expecting number 3 over Christmas and got told by MIL and 2 SIL that we didn't know what we were doing, the whole reaction was very negative and really took the shine off it for me. I kept our lovely third born to myself as much as I could before we emigrated far away from them!

ModreB, that cracked me up!

Thanks a lot for all the kind wishes (and stories of huffy MILs and other relatives! Some of which are hilarious) You have cheered me up. I guess I may have been more sensitive to her reaction this time around as we've had a bumpy ride and I was looking forward to telling people and enjoying the last bit of my pregnancy. I did explain that we'd had some problems, by the way. She didn't say anything (too interested in where I was giving birth). I didn't call her on it, no, although I did do a surprised laugh then say to DH "you aren't too worried about having LESS SPARE TIME, I take it?' I guess she can go boil her head. We are made up about the news as are our kids so I will focus on that!

Re: money - I thought it was an excellent thing to spend money on. We aren't in debt and it was all fully discussed with DH. Am quite sensible with money and am a bit of a demon saver tbh. Doesn't worry me about having to start again with the savings.

I guess she's upset she was told at 6 months. Maybe she thought as family she could support you through the issues.

As an ex midwife it's a slight against her profession.

Insensitive though but if you generally get on well I would think she's hurt not being a cow.

None of her business whether you have a private birth or not. She can disapprove all she wants but most people realise that it isn't actually their place to voice their unwanted opinions and just say "congratulations!"

Congratulations :)

And congratulations!

Congratulations :). I'd say her reaction may be more to do with you not fitting the 'stereotype' of a 2 child family than because you've waited to tell her/are going private. Although certainly amongst my friends and family, 3+ children seems to be the norm.

Don't let her comments upset you and carry on as you are. It's entirely your choice whether to go private or not. While you say it's using your life savings I don't see a problem with that. You've chosen to spend it on something which means a lot to you and who can criticise that.

I can see why she thinks it is a bad idea to spend your life savings on private births but it isn't her business and she should keep her opinions to herself. I really dislike the attitude that it is her son's money you're "wasting" and her son's free time that is going to be used. It sounds as if she is a bit jealous of you.

Op I completly understand why you would spend money on a private birth, I'm not in the UK and the public health system here is fabulous but if I still lived in the UK and I could afford private healthcare for birth I would opt for that without hesitation.

My Dad's reaction - "Nice one. Did I tell you what happened to me at work this week?" (Mum isn't with us any more)
My IL's reactions - Tears, hugs, smiles, exclamations, offers to buy new pram/cot, offers to knit baby clothes... very gratifying! It's our first DC, my Dad's second DG, and their fourth.

My MIL is really lovely though.

My grandmother said to me 'Oh I'm pleased for you but it's not what you wanted is it?' On being told dc3 was indeed very much wanted and planned she then got excited. Mind you I got off lightly - this is the woman who said to her own daughter on hearing she was pregnant again ' oh NO, NOT AGAIN' It was her second pregnancy .

My own (very lovely) mil and my dad were both a bit cool about the dc3 news. Mil I think because although she had three dcs she'd done it all in 5 years and I have 9 between dc1 and dc3. She thought it would make for a complicated dynamic. Well she was wrong My dad because basically he'd known that they couldn't afford three dcs and found it hard to imagine that we could. He cheered up no end when I pointed out I would get 9 months mat pay and could take a year off work. I know of another couple where mil was downright rude about their first grandchild saying what a shame it was for her son because now he couldn't travel the world He was fine with that.
Possibly the oddest reaction I've heard of was one of dh's colleagues who on hearing we were having a baby said ' Wow, wow, crikey, umm that changes everything doesn't it? Gosh, yes, there some things you won't be able to do. Like I mean suicide is right out now!'

My point is that sometimes you don't get the fireworks and applause you want. It doesn't mean they won't love the baby or that they don't care about you. It's just that sometimes other thoughts float to the top of their heads and come out first If you want to build bridges with mil why not ask her if she can give you a hand cleaning up some second hand baby stuff. That might convince her you're not a relentless baby splurger making her son suffer.

I should add, my dad has offered to go halves on a new car with us so we can swap my 8-year-old 3-door Fiesta with something with 5 doors that's more reliable. He's not very verbal... he expresses love/approval with his wallet.

Congrats!

I think peoples reactions to the pregnancies of others do change as the family grows.

So, first baby, omg! Champagne, hugs, tears.

Second baby, aww that's nice. Well done.

Third baby. Blimey, well, gosh, ok, um, congratulations then!

I think parents really do have to try harder (the grandparents I mean!) But inwardly I must admit my own first thoughts would be blimey, how's that all goingto work then.

When we announced no. 3 my MIL saod oh my god amd my DM said you can't cope with one ones you've got. You just have to not care.

To be honest, I think that there's no reason for not telling your respective mothers (at the least) of a pregnancy earlier. They are on your side and, should the worst happen, will hardly be doing a 'happy dance', would they? Six months is a long time - why bother telling them at all, you could just have turned up with the extra child at some future point.

It's up to you, of course, but if your MIL was less than enthusiastic then perhaps your 'need to know' filter needs a bit of tuning. Either be a family, or don't - you don't get to dictate the 'terms'.

You can tell who the huffy MILs are in here

Fuck her! It's your money. Do what you want with it.

I also gave a sour, hostile old crow for a mil.

I'm not a MIL, Softly, I just know how gutted my own mum would have been and I wouldn't do that to her. It's no different for my husband either - his mum, his news.

Be as entitled as you want, just don't expect your decisions to have no consequences.

You are not being unreasonable at all.

Our first baby my mil gave a horrified reaction as we were not married (in 2011!). Never congratulated us.
Second baby she was nonplussed and changed topic within a minute or two. It was as if we told her we were off to Spain on our holidays.

We'll be announcing news in 2 weeks or so of third pregnancy and I am dreading her reaction. She focuses very much on money and things are tight at the moment (but manageable).

She doesn't really take any joy in her grandchildren. If she does not say congratulations or something to that effect this time I'm going to say "thanks for your congratulations" when we are leaving.

This is the same woman who professes to adore her own four sons and constantly talks about them. And as soon as pregnancy is mentioned to her she will go on about how sick she was in her pregnancy. And when I had placenta praevia (necessitating a long time in hospital and a section) she said "oh I had that too"...even though hers were all straightforward deliveries. Rant over....

Every pg someone had a bad reaction in mine and DH family - it's not nice. We picked the one person in DH family we thought would be thrilled with 3rd pg - they were really nasty - it was a bit of a shock.

Everyone has come round - and love the DC.

NHS maternity care it a lottery - had great pg and birth with first two and absolute horror with third they put me and my baby at completely unnecessary risk. I would have gone private if we could during that pg as it was obvious care here was sub-standard. It was lucky all fine and we did complain perhaps not hard enough but we wanted to move on.

Ignore her - and enjoy the rest of your pg.

Well, she sounds like a ray of sunshine all round! Leave her to her cat's bum mouth and enjoy your family. Congratulations btw :-)

lying my ex mil is lovely. I'm still very close to her, we have a friendship as well as family tie regarding dd1.

My current mil is a bitch from hell, with a clear personality disorder. She is horrible and made my pregnancy with dd2 awful amongst other things so yes I feel entitled to have that response.

The consequence of me hardly having nothing to do with her makes me very happy.

My mil's first comment when I told her about dc3 was 'Oh no!'

Apparently I shouldnt have had ds2 when I did because she had wanted to show off the dc and us at fil's 60th.

Just ignore it, of course your new baby is a happy thing and only an idiot would think otherwise.
Congratulations!

Maybe she's got the hump because she's a midwife and wanted to deliver your babies?

My mil, on hearing I was having twins, 'Well you'll never cope with two!' I mean what did she want me to do? Send one back?

I didnt tell them because I knew they would worry, I lost ds4 at 20 weeks due to ic. So didnt tell them until 24 weeks with ds5.

Didnt see the point in everyone worring about it