to MIL's reaction to my baby news?

[Bitgruntled]

Am honestly not expecting everyone to roll over in wonder at the miracle, but am expecting my third DC and we told my MIL tonight. She seemed a bit low key about it (which is fine) but was immediately very keen to know whether this child would be a private birth like the other two, of which she disapproves as she used to be a midwife and thinks private births are "a waste of money". We said yes, and she pursed her lips. (She also has a bee in her bonnet that she thinks it's her son's money I am 'wasting', when in fact the money has come from my own lifesavings, and I have thought very carefully about 'blowing it' on all my private births).

Then she said "Well, when I looked at you I thought you'd put on a lot of weight, but didn't think you could be pregnant again." Bit rude! I am 6 months' pregnant by the way.

Finally, she said to my DH "Well, you are going to have so much less free time, which is a bit of a shame, but there you go."

I feel a bit miffed tbh. Is this a bit of a crap reaction or am I being oversensitive?

No you didn't, but you did ask if YWBU or oversensitive to MIL's comments. I think you were, she thinks private births are "a waste of money" and you clearly can't really afford if you are using all of your "life savings", she does have a point!

You really don't need to concern yourself with my financial health (and nor in fact does she!) I asked about her reaction to my baby news! Not to the fact that I have private births. People who count other people's money are so weird...

And perhaps that money could have gone towards paying a childminder...

How rude. What does it have to do with anyone other than the OP what she spends her money on? Let's give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she's a sentient adult with the ability to think beyond tomorrow and plan accordingly. I'm sure she's thought about childminders and how she will feed and clothe her children.

I have just two DCs but had we had more I expect my DM would have wasted no time in expressing worry about costs and coping generally. In your MIL's case she possibly felt you'd slighted her employer previously by deciding against NHS maternity care and couldn't resist asking what you have planned this time.

Let the good news sink in.

.

Congratulations!

Re the finances (not that I think it is unreasonable), even if you are not asking for an opinion, you will get one. If people know that kind of thing, they will make a judgement, whether it's internet randomers or your MIL.

Every baby deserves their mother to be congratulated. As a third child myself, I can imagine my horrible grandmother having received the news of my arrival a bit like that.

Congratulations :-)

She reacted better than my MIL did when she found out we were having baby #3, if it's any consolation (I believe the phrase was 'Are you STUPID?!')

Having given birth three times on the NHS I would be seriously considering going private next time too if I was having another.

My MIL on hearing the news of her upcoming first grandchild, said "up the duff?", and was told yes. She nodded and didn't refer to the pregnancy again other than to ask what kind of pram we'd bought a few months later.

She too was under the impression I was going to waste all her PFB's money.

That is a very rude reaction OP, I'd be annoyed.

Not that it's a shit MIL competition, but mine didn't say anything to me until about 4 weeks after DH told her on the phone (it's our first and her other GC live overseas). She came round to our place for mother's day brunch, looked me up and down and said "Well you're not THAT big". (I was 11 weeks).

As for the private birth, good for you, I'm paying to go private too. Some people do get judgey about it. The only thing that struck me with your post its that you are using "your" life savings. I hope you're not disadvantaged financially? Children/birth is a joint enterprise after all, it doesn't strike me as very fair if you're paying for it out of your own, rather than joint, funds.

She's taken it personally that you are going private, I think, and her reaction is down to that.

She may have thought your family was complete, some people are a bit at families with more than 2 DCs these days.

I don't really care what you spend your money on, that's your business. Only becomes her business if you're asking her for the cash. She sounds like a bit of a cow. Congratulations on your baby!

It's no one else's business what you spend your money on. As for not telling her till 6 months well I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant on my third till 5 months. There is no law saying you have to tell family at a certain time. You tell them when you are ready too.

Congratulations and ignore her.

I never even got a congratulations either time from my own parents. In fact with our first my mother simply said 'that's a bit soon isn't it'

Its non of her business what you spend your money on, I didn't tell anyone till 24 weeks with one of mine due to problems

Congratulations

Congratulations on your news OP and glad everything is ok.

Your MIL's reaction is definitely a weird one. Do you think the weight comment could have been a badly worded attempt at being funny?

Have you explained the reason for not telling her before? If not do you think a "sorry for not telling your earlier but we have had x, y, z issues and wanted to be sure the pregnancy was viable before we told everyone"cconversation is needed? Or a white lie that it was a complete shock and until the tests were complete to say both you and bump were ok you didn't want to tell anyone?

Congratulations!

She was rude and unreasonable.

My mother's reaction to announcing DS1'S pregnancy was "I already knew". Apparently it was telepathy. Hmmm. This was the woman who'd announced that she was ready to be a grandmother.

When we told MIL that I was pregnant #3, her reaction was to look DH up and down and say "I would have thought you were past all that sex stuff by now"

DH was 35yo and I was 33yo.

My last pregnancy (number 4), I told my mum and got a really bad reaction!

Yet now she is on at us to have another one!

Some people are just wierd.

Congratulations by the way.

Why is the op now being told she should have spent her life savings on a childminder?

When my DPs learnt they were expecting me (DC2) they were visiting both their parents on adjacent weekends so decided to break the good news in person. They told DFs parents and were greeted with absolutely nothing, not even a "that's nice", just straight onto an anecdote about a neighbour. Only second grandchild too - not as if they were on their 17th and totally blasé.

DPs were so deflated that when they left DF stopped at the first phone box and said "Oh sod it, let's ring your mother. She'll react." And indeed my other DGM's squeal of joy could be heard across three counties. But my DM held it against my DF's DPs for forty years.

A relative of an older generation told her not-so-DM about a second pg and was greeted with "At your age? [40ish] Disgusting!"

Op - your MIL sounds weird.

I have no idea why you are getting a hard time on here about using your savings for private birth. People use their savings for a variety of things - holidays, houses, cars, designer clothes. I don't know why the births of your precious children comes way down the priority list.

Congratulations on your pregnancy btw.