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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you find it upsetting if someone doesn't like you?

78 replies

passionfruitbikini · 04/06/2014 22:47

I know we can't all be liked by everyone but I have to admit I find it a bit upsetting when someone seems to actively dislike me for no reason.

I normally get on ok with most people, but lately I've come across a couple of women that don't seem to like me.

Firstly the mum of one of DS's friends (DS is in reception) is very frosty with me and very friendly and chatty towards everyone else. I got on fine with her when the boys were at preschool but she seems to be more and more off with me now. I'm always polite and friendly, and haven't been close friends with her so it's not like there was any opportunity to fall out or even for me to offend her in anyway. I know it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but it's just a bit hurtful.

Secondly my best friend has in recent years become close friends with another woman. I've made an effort to get on with this woman, but she makes it obvious that she doesn't like me, and is actually quite abrupt and rude to me. Again I can't think of anything that I could have done to upset her; it was as if she had decided before meeting me that she didn't like me and that was that!

Like I said, I know this doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but I can't help feeling a bit upset by both these womens' behaviour. I know I'm not a horrible unlikeable person as I have lots of friends.

Perhaps I'm just too sensitive?

OP posts:

springydaffs · 05/06/2014 11:09

Then don't be arsed with her! Act as though there is a blank space where she's standing, as if she isn't there. Don't bother with the aggressive 'hi!', it only escalates things. Act as though she is nothing, a fly from the shit on her shoes - you don't have to be aggressive about it, just act as though you have never met her and she doesn't exist. I doubt very much if something has happened between the boys and, even if it had, perhaps she could be a grown up instead of a toddler and talk to you about it.

The girl at school was bullying you btw. Horrible cow.

tobysmum77 · 05/06/2014 11:53

I don't care. I cant control what they think it's their problem isn't it?

I think one way of looking at it is deciding if you like someone before even considering if they like you or not.

So perhaps from reading the above I would be described as being 'rude and off when you first met me' I just don't have the time or energy to be friends with everyone. It's really not personal. ....

sympathies op around the possessive new friend of a good friend. That ones tricky as it involves someone you do care about. It's amazing that grown up women behave like that because really its uncool behaviour for anyone over the age of 10.

GatoradeMeBitch · 05/06/2014 12:06

I agree with springydaffs. Ignore her, son't say hello anymore. You may even find she starts to say hello to you after a while, some people are odd like that.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 05/06/2014 12:10

I do find it hard if people make their dislike obvious: people don't necessarily like each other but there is no need for rudeness and nastiness.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 05/06/2014 12:10

I do find it hard if people make their dislike obvious: people don't necessarily like each other but there is no need for rudeness and nastiness.

daphnehoneybutt · 05/06/2014 12:14

Aww OP you sound nice. Too nice.

If someone doesn't like me, and I have done nothing to them that could have caused it (of which I am aware) my default position is meh there must be something up with them.

I cba with people who are rude or nasty to people for no reason and I swerve them. If someone annoys me I will still be polite to them and I expect the same courtesy from people I annoy.

If someone is a nob to me I call them out on it unless its going to really ruin a lovely situation then I just bite my tounge. Life is too short to take shit off people OP.

popcornpaws · 05/06/2014 12:21

No i don't find it upsetting if someone doesn't like me.
I actually wouldn't give it another thought and just get on with my life.

Stinkle · 05/06/2014 12:26

OP, just don't acknowledge her from now on.

There's a mum at my DD2's school who clearly doesn't like me (dirty looks, talking about me/my appearance/etc/where I live loud enough for me to hear, etc) I did find it upsetting at first, but now, I just find her completely ridiculous

She doesn't know me, we've barely exchanged a dozen words, her child isn't in my child's class, our paths barely cross, we just stand in the same vicinity for 5 minutes twice a day.

It says more about her inability to act like grown up than it does about me

ClaudetteWyms · 05/06/2014 12:38

Hi OP, personally I wouldn't sink to her level, I would just continue to be nice and cheery (but brief) with her. Then move on and chat to someone nicer!

There is a mum in my DD's school who very clearly doesn't like me, and I can't for the life of me work out why. Unfortunately we live very close to each other and her DD and mine get on well, so I have to see her quite often. She is very popular with lots of people and I have no idea why it's me she doesn't like. It can be difficult, and like you I am quite sensitive.

But you'll drive yourself nuts trying to decode her behaviour etc., just get on with your life, make other friends etc. People are not always rational! And yy I agree it says more about her than you that she is like this, and imvho most people like this are jealous in some way.

Good luck OP

Shewhowines · 05/06/2014 12:44

There are very few people I actively dislike. There are a few I don't "gel" with but I am always pleasant and polite to people, so it would be hard for me to understand and not be bothered about, someone disliking me.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey · 05/06/2014 12:49

Oh I can't be arsed with people that can go on the turn for no reason. They need to get a grip of themselves as they are just not that important.

Every one has off days but some people are just born miserable bastards, with a sour face to match their personality.

Don't bother even saying 'hi' to her.

I have a manager at work , who I don't actually work directly under. I know she dislikes me, I can't think of any reason why. At a meeting I actually caught her gawpng at me - slack jaw, everything. I just starting laughing when she realised I'd caught her.

Don't take it to heart

unrealhousewife · 05/06/2014 12:50

They are excluding you. In my book, exclusion Is a form of bullying but it seems that a lot of people think it's just a fact of life.n I find it morally reprehensible, snobby and can be extremely damaging to those who perhaps have a disability.

I tend to focus on the good people but it can be very hard.

mumaa · 05/06/2014 14:33

I understand where you are coming from OP, I too find it quite upsetting, though admittedly, I am a bit of a 'people pleaser'... really wish I wasn't though!

Like others have said, try to focus on the good, its not always easy though

KellyElly · 05/06/2014 14:34

I don't tend to actively dislike someone unless there's a good reason. Many, many people annoy me though

BrianTheMole · 05/06/2014 14:42

It says more about her than it does about you op. You can't change her, but you can change how you feel about it. I'd stop bothering with her. Say hello if you need to, but apart from that I'd ignore her as much as possible without being rude. She's not worth the space in your head.

Burren · 05/06/2014 14:46

No, I don't give a damn, honestly. I grew up with a doormat mother who trained all her daughters to be people-pleasers from the cradle. (Men are different, apparently, they can be as self-regarding as they like.)

Anyway, once I hit the age of reason, I realised the extent to which women are socially indoctrinated to care overmuch about other people's opinion of them. I haven't the energy to allow craters to be made in my self-esteem by someone disliking me. Honestly, do you think the majority of men agonise about whether colleagues or the parents of their children's school friends like them or not?

redexpat · 05/06/2014 16:10

YANBU, it is upsetting. After a while I come to accept it. If you can get to the stage where you are indifferent then that is frankly a relief.

But equally, very occasionally I meet someone who I dont like, for no fathomable reason. But I try not to treat them differently unless I have reason to.

AllDirections · 05/06/2014 16:17

It used to bother me until I got too knackered to care.

It's not a problem if someone dislikes me because as you say OP we can't all be liked by everyone but to be actively disliked, well that's just rude IMO.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 05/06/2014 16:35

I'm not that fussed if someone decides they don't like me, fair enough, their problem. But when they are rude to me simply because they dislike then that pisses me right off. There is never any need to be rude and hostile. Plenty of folk I dislike for no real reason but I would never be rude. Much easier to ignore and if I have too, just speak when I'm spoken too.

For example I don't really like someone at work. She's bossy and likes the sound of her voice but I will speak and be polite rather than be off with her and possibly cause an atmosphere.

I don't know why people have to be twats.

Original poster

passionfruitbikini · 06/06/2014 11:30

Thanks again everyone!

I saw the school mum again this morning and just said a cool 'hi' to her. Not in a passive aggressive way but more the way I'd greet a stranger or very casual acquaintance. I can't bring myself not to say anything as I think it will make an uncomfortable atmosphere (for me) if I do that. I definitely won't be making any more effort to have any further conversations with her though

OP posts:

Shewhowines · 06/06/2014 11:36

Yep exactly the right way to act. Civil but uninterested.

Trooperslane · 06/06/2014 11:38

Years ago - yes.

Now - genuinely don't give a shit.

Life's too short op

MrsRuffdiamond · 06/06/2014 11:59

I sometimes find it hard to pay heed to my own advice, when it comes to unprovoked nastiness, but I always tell my dc to feel sorry for children who are nasty to them, as they must have sad lives.

Only unhappy people are horrible to others. People who are happy and comfortable with themselves generally make others feel the same way. This woman's the former, and you're the latter, op!

ScotchBonnet1985 · 06/06/2014 13:56

The way to deal with this woman is stop making the effort! Treat her like she treats you then she may realise she is being an arse.

And seriously don't waste your time on people like that. Your time is far too precious to waste on people who don't treat you well.

And if people don't like you so what?! You know who the important people are so surround yourself with them.

Stinkle · 06/06/2014 14:01

I'm not that fussed if someone decides they don't like me, fair enough, their problem. But when they are rude to me simply because they dislike then that pisses me right off.

Yes, same here.

The woman at my DD's school - she doesn't like me, fair enough, but it's the bitching, rudeness and downright nastiness that pisses me off.

She doesn't know me, I don't know her, our children don't socialise, they're not in the same class. We've probably exchanged half a dozen words between us.

There are people in life I don't like for whatever reason - whether they've done something to offend me or we just don't gel, I'm still civil to them, it's ridiculous to behave otherwise

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